Survived the 4th — now I just gotta figure out what to do with the ten thousand leftover cocktail umbrellas. There were far fewer fireworks going off in my neighborhood than in past years, something I attribute mainly to New York’s slow descent into a more loosely organized Attica for taxpayers. In any event, it was pretty damned hot out and I think I found a way to even sweat out my teeth. Teeth sweat’s pretty cool actually – real easy to conceal and you don’t have to wash anything later. Here’s today’s article…

It’s Spongebob Squarepants versus the Incredible Hulk in the Amazing Popsicle Battle, where the winner is crowned only after one of the combatants melts to death. It’s an interesting study in which color of sugar ice is the most durable, but if you’re looking for something with a little more punch, I’ll mention that both contestants lose their gumball eyes along the way. Full coverage in the post, go read it.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!