The X-Entertainment Blog

07/03/2003: McGriddles & The Fourth of July…

Happy pre-4th, everyone — honestly didn’t think I’d have time to get a new article up until after the holiday, as we’re engulfed in Tiki decorations of the most patriotic kind and trying to figure out the correct balance of fruit juices to really make our Zombies tick. I’ve got a killer movie to review, but for now, check out this just-published review of McDonald’s McGriddles. The advertising blitz finally made a believer out of me, even if only for a short time.

Now back to decorating — here’s an assortment of pics of tomorrow’s setup, though this isn’t even half of the shit I got. I could’ve went to Disneyland for the money spent of elementary school palm tree window decos and inflatable flamingos. I’m not sure why we chose Independence Day for our luau, but hey, any excuse to bring Easter Island into the fold is okay by me…

(click to enlarge)

To celebrate Americana, here’s a collection of past X-E articles that had at least an iota of patriotism to ‘em: Uncle Sam Movie Review, Travel Guide To Maine, USA…and, uh, I guess that’s it. One of them is pretty negligible, too. I’m a shitty American. See you this weekend…

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Those McGriddles remind me of that Hungry-Man breakfast you reviewed Matt. I think you were right in saving your inards from the McDonalds equivalent of a intestinal nuke. Anyhoo, we just had an awesome Canada Day here so enjoy your 4th of July!! Cheers everyone!!

Aw, c’mon Matt…you’re not a shitty American. You’re probably on par with at least 45% of the US population.

It’s nice to see that McDonald’s isn’t even trying to pretend it might be good for you anymore. I don’t recall seeing a picture of orange juice with those McGriddles. And why would bread with syrup baked in be a good idea? I can actually hear the tumbling sound of McDonald’s stock right now. Same sound as a bunch of very obese people crashing headlong into reality.

The "It’s bizarre" ads are meant to give you a feeling of rebelliousness to cajole you into eating that crap, as Matt said.

While I doubt I’d ever try one of the things, it nonetheless saddens me to no end to see just another unique brand of "you had to be there" pop-culture material that us backward Yuropians will have to miss out on and thus won’t be able to talk about with misplaced nostalgia in fifteen years’ time.

McDonalds… How come in the commercials they never show the REAL McDonald’s eaters? Mega-Super-Hyper Obese people like me? It’s not like anyone acually thinks McDonald’s is good for you anymore. C’mon, McD’s! I could be a great spokesperson! Its the super-mega-hopelessly obese that keep that place in the black anyway, why can’t they show us any respect?

Although, as of late, I’ve been eating Sonic more ofton. They don’t pay any respect to thier fat patrons either…

MMMM… Fatty Burger of Death. Tasty. Does anyone else realize how much of a rip off of the Burger King Crossan’wich these things are? I love those things. I’m gonna be at work during 4th of July, so I can’t have a BBQ. But I might set off one of my giant (illegal) fireworks in the parking lot at work. Anyway, happy July 4th to you all. Gob Bless America, God Bless X-Entertainment.

I don’t which is worse (better): the McD’s "Eat these freakin weird pancake sandwiches" ads or the recent Hardee’s "we used to suck, but now we’re only going to make giant hamburgers" ads.

I think the edge has to go slightly to Hardee’s, if only for the one ad where the old man didn’t know what rock n roll was (forgetting apparently that rock n roll has been around for 50 years now…the geezer would have been in his 20s during the heyday of Elvis and Little Richard.

Plus it’s real easy to fiddle with their signs and change "Angus Burgers" to "Anus Burgers."

They should really get the director of both Charlie’s Angels movies, McG, to direct the commercials. His name alone would be a good enough reason, but he coould also get his old friends Sugar Ray with hot dancers to sing and gyrate around fat people in a McDonald’s. This would be the ultimate Mac and Me tribute.

ME, what in God’s name is up with you and Mac & Me? Haven’t we been punished enough with Nukie? Am I the only one who notices the resembalence? What’s going on, are you all blind? Is the whole world against me? I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I can’t breathe. I can’t see. I can’t remember anything, can’t tell if this is true or a dream. Heh, Metallica. Who would win in a fight, Photog or a McGriddle?

Bansheex, I just did a search to double check and this has been my first mention of Mac and Me. You are thinking of A-wel Cruiz, according to my archive search, who has requested the movie multiple times. I mentioned McG because of his silly name, Sugar Ray because McG got them their record deal by showing off the lead singer in a demo music video, and the hot dancers because that is what his videos/movies are known for along with everything they used to teach students not to do in film school. McGriddle desrves McG, and they could even make the black version/white version commercials that most fast food places used to always do a few years back.

Plus, you know the McGriddle would eventually overpower Photog with its injected love juices.

Ok, I’ll just come right out and say it–I *like* McGriddles. When I saw a giant banner for them over a McDonald’s, I knew I had to try them. The name alone was worth it, (I am a male, btw). I think it’s a natural progression really, you’ve got toasted sandwiches, english muffin sandwiches, and now pancake sandwiches–all we need now are waffle sandwiches! I got a sausage, egg, & cheese one, and a bacon, egg, & cheese one, but not a plain sausage one. Cuz really, when you’re eating food like this, why skimp on the heart-clogging goodness? I wish I were eating another one right now, (I’m also skinny, btw).

Sorry, ME. Didn’t mean to snap. All alone at work, no dinner, hungry. Hungry makes me mad. And I haven’t heard from my friend Molten in awhile. That makes me sad. When sad me not type with good. My am bad English am make me feel even more good not. Bad me feel. Cry I do. Yoda like I talk. Goodbye?

By the way, since he am not to be having mouth on face, me am to think that Photog would am not be bothered by McGriddles juices for love injecting that am for to bring on attack of heart in Photogs chest that am to be metal. Matt am to be great with funny, and am to eat anything. Me think that Matt am to be cool with his hair and whales. Me am wanting to be have pink hair and house am to be full of stuff that is to be great coolness. Thank you? Hello!

You also get the bonus of hearing AL describing his youth - as a Chipmunk if you hit Fast forward!

These are totally my favorite articles. Anything where Matt actually touches things is usually cool, especially when it’s food. Or food-like.

Hmm… reviewing a zombie movie, eh? Oh, damn, how I wish you’d review Tobe Hooper’s Lifeforce, even if the main baddy is a naked vixen enegy vampire from space (Mathilda May), and only a tiny portion of the film is zombie-esque mayhem on and below the streets of London. I’m not delusional, I think 28 Days Later is a far superior movie to Lifeforce as a movie, but in 28 Days Later the pseudo-zombies were scattered around London. There just isn’t any one scene in 28 Days Later that seems as intense to me as the part of Lifeforce from about the Prime Minister scene (where the secretary in the bunker asks them, "Would you gentlemen fancy a spot of tea while you wait?") to the part where the guy find Mathilda May at Saint Paul’s Cathedral. The rest of Lifeforce is mostly overlong scenes that take too long to get anywhere (including one bit with Patrick Stewart as the director of an asylum), with a handful of interesting gore effects, but it’s still my favourite 80s "cheese" movie… the finest British cheddar.

Also, regarding short-lived McDonald’s thingies… about the "Mac Tonight" commercial with the singing moon; I was under the impression that they wanted the Mac Tonight character to be the corporate mascot for adults but the family of whichever guy that sang the most popular version of the song "Mack the Knife" sued and won for unauthorized use of the image of the singer, even though the music was written by Brecht (for something called the "Threepenny Opera" or something like that… it’s late and I don’t feel like looking it up) and is public domain.

hey, to who ever was talking about no fatties in the mcdonalds commercials? Have you noticed the jack in the box commercials? Everyone (except Jack) is pretty fat in those.

Jack just keeps it real…real until he offers the choice between a Jumbo Jack & a hot chick in a sailor hat & daisy dukes & the guy chooses the burger. But if I remember right, the guy was a bit large. Jack is still the most entertaining purveyor of saturated fats to hit the American airwaves.

> Plus it’s real easy to fiddle with their signs and change "Angus Burgers" to
> "Anus Burgers."

Matt, it’s not that I want anything bad to happen to you, ’cause I — like most of X-E’s denizens — worship you with a love that is equaled only by the love a Jonestown cultist felt for Jim Jones. But this time, it’s like Jonestown in reverse: all the acolytes sit around watching with fixated awe, fear and shock as you fondle the poisonous stuff and introduce it to your own guts. Now (as I sit here thankfully eating my low-fat, whole-grainy breakfast) I have to say this: I don’t wish anything awful upon you, but if one of us had to touch or eat that breakfast McShit, better you than me, brother.

I love the nutritional info breakdowns in these articles: for me, they’re like the fast food equivalent of ‘How many people can you stuff into a VW beetle?’, except it’s ‘How much excess saturated fat and generally body-killing shit can you jam into the least cubic area of fast food space?’ Maybe Stephen Hawking should look into that.

Also, the part about the vines that look like they’re "trying to drain the last remaining life juices from whatever poor puppy that disc was once a part of" reminded me of that rape scene with the branches and tendrils in that zombie movie. (Yeah, I know that was vague, but if you’ve seen it you remember it: I think it was Evil Dead — I haven’t seen the movie since I was twelve or thirteen, and that was over half my life ago).

I fear an unholy alliance between the McGriddles and…… Fat Daddy! Together they would be unstoppable.

McGriddle. McGriddle. You only have to say the word twice before it just sounds like utter nonsense coming out of your mouth.

Scariest thing I’ve ever seen in a McDonald’s was when I lived in New Hampshire, and found one that served Clam Chowder. Fortunately they were able to restrain themselves enough to not call it McChowder, because that would have made my head explode.

The guy who played Mac Tonight, Doug Jones, is about to get some respect by playing Abe Sapien in the live-action adaptation of Hellboy from Guillermo del Toro.
http://us.imdb.com/Name?Jones,%20Doug%20(I)

Happy 4th of July, all. Just a question, but how many of you would be willing to shell out about $10- $15 for a Photog/ X-E shirt? If there’s enough interest and Matt gives me the OK, I will have a buddy of mine print up the shirts. Get back to me if you get the chance. bansheex@hotmail.com I’m damn serious. But you have to tell me that you want it, or it will never come to be. Alright?

Hey, Molten, long time no post. Am I the only one that thinks that Mc Lobster sounds like a horrible Pro wrestling move? Try saying just once…"And The Hurricane gets ahold of Rey Mysterio and…OH MY GOD, he nailed him with the Mc Lobster!" doesn’t it just flow off the tongue? Or maybe Mc Lobster is a really freaky sexual position. Like a combination of a Boston Crab and something else. I’m making my flesh crawl now. I have to go. Ewwww.

these thigns are the shit MAtt….you need to give them a chance… you aren’t going to get fat if you go for it once a week or so. Man these things are awesome….. for extra fat, throw a hasbrown between the sausage and egg.

noone can say that they don’t cut a corner of pancake, then put the pancakes on the fork, and then squeeze a peice of sausage on the same fork and then eat it. Everyone does that. Add egg and cheese to the mix… how CAN IT BE WRONG?!? when it SOUNDS SO RIGHT?

I am not sure how comfortable I am with having warm syrup exploding in my mouth.

Oh GOD! I read this last night before I went to bed… and I swear, my dreams were filled with this monstrosity.

It is a good thing that in real life I live in Australia, and the worst atrocity McD’s foists on us here is a beetroot-laden McOz burger. blaerrrgh!

Yes, but never had the pleasure (?) of eating one. I always thought they should come out with a surf and turf burger, with a quarter pounder patty and a filet o’ fish patty stacked together.

Tessie: "I am not sure how comfortable I am with having warm syrup exploding in my mouth."

Awhile back there was a drink called Orbits, which was basically like Snapple with a disgusting addition: little globs of gelatin floating in it. The texture of these little globs once they got in your mouth was…well, never having actually performed fellatio, I could not say with any certainty that drinking Orbits was like having someone ejaculate in my mouth, but it was close enough to what I imagine it’s like that I made sure to stay far, far away from the drink after that.

McDonalds makes their burgers out of beet roots in Australia? I suppose that’s better than making them out of sewage…and they said it couldn’t be done…muhuhahaha…I think I’m gonna be sick.

I think the McGriddle is just trying to get in with the strange food posse. Sonic actually has something that is wierd…pancake on a stick! It’s like a corndog but with a sausage in the middle and a pancake outside. It taste good at first, then you get a nailpolish type after taste.

I think we’ve mentioned before how Orbitz are perfect X-E review material. I haven’t seen any since at least ‘98. Anybody with the terribly outdatedely (new word!) stocked groceries seen them around?

Frankly, I can’t stand McDonald’s food, especially their breakfasts, and usually avoid them like the plague. They still make decent fries, and McFlurries are good, but I won’t touch their burgers with a 39 1/2 foot pole.

Though I probably won’t be eating McGriddles any time soon, I love it when Matt reviews fast food, especially since so much of it is discontinued so quickly. (Two tasty cases in point - McD’s Shamrock mint milkshake and Burger King’s occasionally seen Italian Chicken Sandwich.) The McGriddles may be diet-busters and not the most attractive-looking foodstuff in the world, but I can understand the sentiment - you can eat sweet breakfast sandwiches, or have your pancakes during rush hour without needing forks, syrup tubs, and the possiblity of spilling said pancakes and syrup.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, July 3rd, 2003 at 3:48 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.