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aosoaosaosoaosao.

Well, I've just been to Hell and back with the latest "Top Eleven" feature for UGO. It's my personal list of Arnold Schwarzenegger's best movie adversaries, and it's around 75,000 words. I must say, I think it came out pretty well. I was pretty scared of the topic when I pitched it, but now that I'm reading over this body of non-information, it looks like it paid off. Should be up on their site tomorrow.

The "Elevens" are a bit of a challenge for me considering the three years I've spent here not really needing to make any sense, but they're kinda fun to do. Honestly, I don't read books and I can't even get into newspapers -- the only way I'll become more rounded is by actually writing different things, so while the fateful days of the week where I know I'll have to spend an additional eight hours putting something else together seem like a bit much, they're worth it for me in the long run. Personally, I prefer tackling one singular topic and talking it to death, but I guess this is cool too.

Hey, look, I'm finally using the right quotation marks. 'So ends an era.' Actually, I've known I was incorrect with those forever, but I just hate the way real quotation marks look. In the end, my decision was to look slightly less like an idiot, especially when the material goes a long enough way in promoting that. Get used to "this," say bye to 'this.' This is all very important stuff, folks.

Posted by Matt on 07/01/2003. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 35 comments

yeah dude, "whatever".

Chestnuts roasted by packratshow @ 07/01/2003 2:06 AM

Please, please, please let both Damon Killian and Myron be 1 & 2 respectively.

Chestnuts roasted by CalmingEffect is Devin Butler @ 07/01/2003 2:37 AM

You da man, Matt. Oh you knoooooooooooow Crisp from Kindergarten Cop has got to be one of the Schwarzenegger adversaries. Okay well probably not, but I haven’t seen many Ah-nold flicks, so I can’t even name eleven. All I can say is… SINBAD.

Chestnuts roasted by phillip @ 07/01/2003 3:03 AM

Matt: Since you mentioned it, what are the quotation mark rules, anyway? I haven’t been able to find anything on them, so I generally use "" to quote something that’s actually been said, or article titles (as you’ve done here — book/magazine titles usually get italics from me). I generally use the ” for words that I don’t actually mean as such; that is, ” is like my saying, "Don’t take this term at face value — I don’t." (In my social commentary pieces, I use ” a lot for social constructs that shouldn’t be treated with the importance that people treat them, etc.) And of course they’re used for nested quotes. But did you stumble onto some additional rules?

Also, I’ve looked into what are called conventional usage and logical usage with respect to quotation marks; that is, quotation marks with the punctuation inside the quotations and outside, respectively. If you think about it, unless you’re writing full sentences within the quotes, most of the time it makes sense to use the logical style. But I haven’t really found any fixed rules to that effect (but what is fixed anymore?) so I was wondering if you did.

Anyway, sorry about the rambling — as a fellow writer, stuff like this interests me. ;)

Chestnuts roasted by Wes @ 07/01/2003 3:18 AM

Dude. You all need the MLA handbook, for the recently deceased.

Chestnuts roasted by Victrolla @ 07/01/2003 5:12 AM

[insert quotation marked Dr. Evil quote here]

Chestnuts roasted by JC @ 07/01/2003 6:58 AM

Hey Matt, just wanted to let you know, your page is the fucking best. You take everything I loved from my childhood and point out how retarted and fantastic it all was and it makes me laugh my ass off everytime! Keep it up! One suggestion for ya to explore… Burger King Burger Buddies….

Chestnuts roasted by Andrea @ 07/01/2003 10:01 AM

I AM THE QUOTES!

"And when I get angry Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset… People DIIIEEE!"

Er… is Pac-Cereal Monsterballs? That’s what the link goes to.

Chestnuts roasted by "MR. GAME & WATCH" @ 07/01/2003 10:54 AM

It would be an utter waste to get the MLA handbook just for quotes…

To quote something already quoted, it’d look vaguely like this:

"…and then he said ‘My name is George’"

It’s too early for me to come up with a better sentence than that…

Chestnuts roasted by George @ 07/01/2003 12:14 PM

What nasty rumours about Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies? I am intrigued!

Chestnuts roasted by PhotoBoy @ 07/01/2003 7:50 PM

George is right. the ‘ is typically reserved for quotes within quotes.
"I will use the ‘time machine’ to steal Austin Powers’ mojo." – Dr. Evil
Of course, the ‘ used for posessives or words that end in "s" is a whole ‘nuther subject.
And I think the rule is reversed in England. Or used to be. That’s the way it is in my version of "Lord of the Rings," at least.
Oh yeah, and if a quote lasts more than 1 paragraph, you leave the " off the end of the first, but put one at the start of the next paragraph.
Confused yet? Gotta love the language.

Chestnuts roasted by Spike Spiegel @ 07/01/2003 8:56 PM

I’m glad you included Bennett. I agree that the best thing about Bennett is that he thinks he can take on Arnold.

Kudos on the Krang’s New Body episode review, too. More TMNT on XE! Quato Lives!

Chestnuts roasted by Morbius @ 07/01/2003 10:57 PM

Anyone other than Richard Dawson from Running Man at number one would have been blasphemy. I am truly impressed with the list.

On a side note I have a question that only you guys might be able to answer. When I was a little kid, in the mid 80’s to late 80’s I remember some little tiny action figures I had. Each one had a different hologram on his chest, either water, fire, or a log. I’ve been destroying my mind for the last few months to remember what they were called. Is this ringing a bell for anyone?

Chestnuts roasted by kangaroo @ 07/01/2003 11:26 PM

Thanks! :)

They were called "Battle Beasts," and I actually did an article about them a few years back. Just search for "Battle Beasts" on the main page.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 07/01/2003 11:31 PM

I caught an excellent Family Fued clip on some "Wacky Game Show Moments Special" this weekend. Richard asked the family to "name a fruit with an edible peel." 97 year old granny screams out: "Banana!" Richard stops the game dead and calls out to a stage hand "Do we have a banana? Bring me a banana!" then splits the peel in half. He agrees to eat half if she does, and he happily stuffs it into his mouth, smug that he made the old bag look like a senile coot on national tv. Totally priceless.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 07/02/2003 12:00 PM

The rumor about Jamie Lee Curtis is that she’s a hermaphrodite. As far as I can tell the only "evidence" for this claim is her slightly androgynous facial features, boyish name and the fact she has adopted several kids (some have speculated she can’t have kids because of her condition).

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop! @ 07/02/2003 12:59 PM

She could’ve fooled me, Hellpop. I mean, she’s pretty good at acting and all but she’s a horse and no mistake.

Chestnuts roasted by JC @ 07/02/2003 7:23 AM

Hey Matt, the link under "latest articles" tries to go to http://www.x-entertainment.com/adversariesofarnold which, as you probably know, doesn’t exsist. You should probably fix it.

Chestnuts roasted by Internet St00pid @ 07/02/2003 7:26 AM

dont kill me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t George Clooney in the Batman & Robin you mentioned in the article, not Val Kilmer? I think he only did the riddler one… If anyone could clarify thanks :) Great article by the way!

Chestnuts roasted by gurge @ 07/02/2003 8:48 AM

Richard Dawson was an excellent choice for #1. Dawson’s level of 70s suave is so high that it almost qualifies as a super power.

Johnny Cab fit right in, too.

The only thing I would have included is Queen Gedren from Red Sonja. I may like that movie even more than Conan.

Chestnuts roasted by Ubu Rex @ 07/02/2003 10:28 AM

Also, Matt should get an Associated Press Manual, not an MLA Handbook.

Since this site is journalism, that’s the way to go. Plus, it will help with the newspaper job.

Chestnuts roasted by Ubu Rex @ 07/02/2003 11:15 AM

You mean Jamie Lee Curtis has female parts too? Eek.

Chestnuts roasted by phillip @ 07/02/2003 12:00 PM

This just in, the tagline and synopsis for True Lies 2!

"When she said ‘I do’, she didn’t say "’I do have a penis’".

Helen Tasker is just your ordinary housewife, or at least her husband thought so. But for the last 20 years Helen Tasker has been a secret man!.

Can Helen save the country from evil terrorists without someone finding out about Captain Winky?

Starring: Ah-nuld and Cartman’s Mom
Music from "The Crying Game"

Chestnuts roasted by PhotoBoy @ 07/02/2003 2:34 PM

Gurge, bingo. George "Smiling while Alfred talks about his own death" Clooney was in Batman & Robin, while Val "I can’t act to save my life" Kilmer was in Batman "First Batman movie to include false nipples" Forever. The only thing that saved Batman & Robin was that Uma Thurman was increadilby hot in that movie. Hey, Matt, I’ll mail you one of those Associated Press handbooks. They am teach you how to not be bad at for spelling. Me Bizzaro. Me Bizzaro am at Matt stories laughing much at the funny for typing.

Chestnuts roasted by Bansheex @ 07/02/2003 2:51 PM

Not into newspapers? you mean you didn’t see the articles about Golden Girls being a hit show on Lifetime and the Slip N Slide? Those were in my real newspaper.

UGO should have a Matt Caracappa section so it would be easier to find all his aticles.

I’ve seen gorillas eat banana peels. Or was it some other monkey/ape?

Chestnuts roasted by hthtyetj @ 07/02/2003 6:41 PM

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 1st, 2003 at 1:47 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.