X-Entertainment's Christmas Season & Advent Calendar, 2008.

07/01/2003: aosoaosaosoaosao.

Well, I’ve just been to Hell and back with the latest “Top Eleven” feature for UGO. It’s my personal list of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s best movie adversaries, and it’s around 75,000 words. I must say, I think it came out pretty well. I was pretty scared of the topic when I pitched it, but now that I’m reading over this body of non-information, it looks like it paid off. Should be up on their site tomorrow.

The “Elevens” are a bit of a challenge for me considering the three years I’ve spent here not really needing to make any sense, but they’re kinda fun to do. Honestly, I don’t read books and I can’t even get into newspapers — the only way I’ll become more rounded is by actually writing different things, so while the fateful days of the week where I know I’ll have to spend an additional eight hours putting something else together seem like a bit much, they’re worth it for me in the long run. Personally, I prefer tackling one singular topic and talking it to death, but I guess this is cool too.

Hey, look, I’m finally using the right quotation marks. ‘So ends an era.’ Actually, I’ve known I was incorrect with those forever, but I just hate the way real quotation marks look. In the end, my decision was to look slightly less like an idiot, especially when the material goes a long enough way in promoting that. Get used to “this,” say bye to ‘this.’ This is all very important stuff, folks.

You da man, Matt. Oh you knoooooooooooow Crisp from Kindergarten Cop has got to be one of the Schwarzenegger adversaries. Okay well probably not, but I haven’t seen many Ah-nold flicks, so I can’t even name eleven. All I can say is… SINBAD.

Matt: Since you mentioned it, what are the quotation mark rules, anyway? I haven’t been able to find anything on them, so I generally use "" to quote something that’s actually been said, or article titles (as you’ve done here — book/magazine titles usually get italics from me). I generally use the ” for words that I don’t actually mean as such; that is, ” is like my saying, "Don’t take this term at face value — I don’t." (In my social commentary pieces, I use ” a lot for social constructs that shouldn’t be treated with the importance that people treat them, etc.) And of course they’re used for nested quotes. But did you stumble onto some additional rules?

Also, I’ve looked into what are called conventional usage and logical usage with respect to quotation marks; that is, quotation marks with the punctuation inside the quotations and outside, respectively. If you think about it, unless you’re writing full sentences within the quotes, most of the time it makes sense to use the logical style. But I haven’t really found any fixed rules to that effect (but what is fixed anymore?) so I was wondering if you did.

Anyway, sorry about the rambling — as a fellow writer, stuff like this interests me.

Hey Matt, just wanted to let you know, your page is the fucking best. You take everything I loved from my childhood and point out how retarted and fantastic it all was and it makes me laugh my ass off everytime! Keep it up! One suggestion for ya to explore… Burger King Burger Buddies….

"And when I get angry Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset… People DIIIEEE!"

George is right. the ‘ is typically reserved for quotes within quotes.
"I will use the ‘time machine’ to steal Austin Powers’ mojo." - Dr. Evil
Of course, the ‘ used for posessives or words that end in "s" is a whole ‘nuther subject.
And I think the rule is reversed in England. Or used to be. That’s the way it is in my version of "Lord of the Rings," at least.
Oh yeah, and if a quote lasts more than 1 paragraph, you leave the " off the end of the first, but put one at the start of the next paragraph.
Confused yet? Gotta love the language.

I’m glad you included Bennett. I agree that the best thing about Bennett is that he thinks he can take on Arnold.

Kudos on the Krang’s New Body episode review, too. More TMNT on XE! Quato Lives!

Anyone other than Richard Dawson from Running Man at number one would have been blasphemy. I am truly impressed with the list.

On a side note I have a question that only you guys might be able to answer. When I was a little kid, in the mid 80’s to late 80’s I remember some little tiny action figures I had. Each one had a different hologram on his chest, either water, fire, or a log. I’ve been destroying my mind for the last few months to remember what they were called. Is this ringing a bell for anyone?

They were called "Battle Beasts," and I actually did an article about them a few years back. Just search for "Battle Beasts" on the main page.

She could’ve fooled me, Hellpop. I mean, she’s pretty good at acting and all but she’s a horse and no mistake.

dont kill me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t George Clooney in the Batman & Robin you mentioned in the article, not Val Kilmer? I think he only did the riddler one… If anyone could clarify thanks

Great article by the way!

Richard Dawson was an excellent choice for #1. Dawson’s level of 70s suave is so high that it almost qualifies as a super power.

The only thing I would have included is Queen Gedren from Red Sonja. I may like that movie even more than Conan.

Since this site is journalism, that’s the way to go. Plus, it will help with the newspaper job.

I caught an excellent Family Fued clip on some "Wacky Game Show Moments Special" this weekend. Richard asked the family to "name a fruit with an edible peel." 97 year old granny screams out: "Banana!" Richard stops the game dead and calls out to a stage hand "Do we have a banana? Bring me a banana!" then splits the peel in half. He agrees to eat half if she does, and he happily stuffs it into his mouth, smug that he made the old bag look like a senile coot on national tv. Totally priceless.

The rumor about Jamie Lee Curtis is that she’s a hermaphrodite. As far as I can tell the only "evidence" for this claim is her slightly androgynous facial features, boyish name and the fact she has adopted several kids (some have speculated she can’t have kids because of her condition).

Helen Tasker is just your ordinary housewife, or at least her husband thought so. But for the last 20 years Helen Tasker has been a secret man!.

Can Helen save the country from evil terrorists without someone finding out about Captain Winky?

Gurge, bingo. George "Smiling while Alfred talks about his own death" Clooney was in Batman & Robin, while Val "I can’t act to save my life" Kilmer was in Batman "First Batman movie to include false nipples" Forever. The only thing that saved Batman & Robin was that Uma Thurman was increadilby hot in that movie. Hey, Matt, I’ll mail you one of those Associated Press handbooks. They am teach you how to not be bad at for spelling. Me Bizzaro. Me Bizzaro am at Matt stories laughing much at the funny for typing.

Not into newspapers? you mean you didn’t see the articles about Golden Girls being a hit show on Lifetime and the Slip N Slide? Those were in my real newspaper.

UGO should have a Matt Caracappa section so it would be easier to find all his aticles.

Damn I’ve never heard that rumor. When did that pop up? (oh the innuendo) Since her parents are Janet Leigh and Tony Curtis, she’s been famous since she was born. Has that rumor been around since then or later? (cause if it’s been around since she was born, i’d be inclined to believe it. if it’s been around since she started adopting kids, not so much.)
According to this: http://www.pactadopt.org/profiles/curtis.html
Jamie acknowledges her reason for adoption was infertility, but does not specify whether it’s hers or her husband’s.

Did you guys know that genetically, Jamie Lee Curtis is only one chromosome away from being a man?

Caracappa, GO! Use "Memories of Childhood" attack to defeat Photog. Oh no, Caracappa is wounded! He needs Ecto Cooler and cigarettes to heal! Yay, super happy special fun time victory! Caracappa has evolved into Characappa! Yay! (Sorry, Pokemon stint)

Caracappa (Pokemon #1,342,999) An elusive Pokemon, Caracappa can most often be found in dark caves, hunched over a computer screen, associating with the other Pokemon known as "Fat Daddy", or at the All Things Jesus Store. Easily recognized by it’s Multi-colored hair (usually bright pink, but sometimes red, green, or blue) sunglasses, and obsession with all things from the 1980’s. Caracappa’s most dangerous attacks are "Memories of Childhood" and "Hordak Slime Throw". Caracappa is unusual in that it will eat pretty much anything, even hair removal gel, and it does not need to go to Poke-Centers to heal. Simply feeding it Ecto-Cooler and cigarettes will allow it to heal. Caracappa is a wonderful and mysterious Pokemon, and will eventually evolve into Characappa.

Damn, you mentioned Fat Daddy, I’m going to have to find one of his pictures again. There’s something so odd about a guy who is willing to have his picture taken whilst grasping his crotch.

I think Caracappa’s deadliest attack would be forcing his opponent to eat a Hungry Man Breakfast.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 1st, 2003 at 1:47 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.