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TMNT Review PLUS…how to make your own Krang!

So last night, I got this idea in my head. Wouldn't go away. Had to be done. What was it? I needed to make my own Krang, of Ninja Turtles fame. No household is complete without its very own Krang, and this article tells you how it's done. Really, for serious, it's there, with pictures. That wouldn't be enough for a feature on its own, so you can also read my episode review for The Shredder Is Splintered on the same damn page. For those curious, that's the episode where Krang finally received his stupid fat bald panties-wearing android body. Enjoy.

Also, check this out. It's an article I did for UGO about the top eleven movies where people get eaten by animals. Jaws, Anaconda, fucking Congo, all yer faves. I've been a busy boy, and busy boys eventually need to get away from keyboards to drink girly drinks in the hot sun. See you later...

Posted by Matt on 06/25/2003. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 55 comments

Matt, I really liked both articles but what about Jurassic Park? Unless you don’t consider dinosaurs animals I understand, but Jurassic Park (not Part II, didn’t see Part III) was a really f’n good movie!

Chestnuts roasted by J-Dog @ 06/26/2003 11:16 AM

On the movies, I agree with "Night of the Lupas", and add "Food of the Gods" and "Squirm". Before infomercials became the standard time-filler, my local UHF station played thes movies (along with Piranah and that movie where the scientist gets his head sewn on to Rosie Grier’s shoulder) every freaking weekend on its "Sunday Afternoon Creature Feature".

Chestnuts roasted by klatubaradanikto @ 06/26/2003 11:21 AM

Agreed on the ads, hopefully the bad ones will exit rotation soon. The ones that cause the page to half-load, e-mail me with what type and I’ll send in the info to have them fixed/annihilated. They’re pretty good about that.

And how can you not love Lake Placid! ;) Piranha, I dunno — I consider DBSea more mindlessly entertaining, and I wanted to include Orca because it’s just such an obscure bad flick. Four fishy movies would’ve been overkill.

J-Dog: J-P isn’t on the list because they’re not ‘real’ animals. Okay, they are, but you know what I mean. Same goes for Eight Legged Freaks, though that wouldn’t have been on there regardless.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/26/2003 11:23 AM

Matt-
Thanks for being concerned about these ads. I don’t mind the popups in general (even the annoying Microsoft and Powerade ones that insist on loading little movies), but when I have to wait for it to play out before I can read the articles, I get upset. Hulk and 28 Days Later are the only ones I’ve seen so far.

Of course, I am getting all this content for free anyway, so who am I to complain?

And by the way, Orca was definitely good to include. It is kind of slow, but the splatting whale fetus made the whole thing worthwhile.

Also, you might want to check out "Slugs," if you haven’t seen it. I didn’t expect much from it, but it has some great low-budget effects, some amusing deaths, and a charming indie feel throughout. It was much less boring than something about the slowest moving killer animal ever should be.

Chestnuts roasted by Ubu Rex @ 06/26/2003 12:15 PM

I’ve read reviews of Slugs, looks like a winner to me. I’ve actually got shitloads of similar movies here waiting to be reviewed, but I don’t like to do more than one of those per week at most.

I appreciate the patience/understanding about the ads. They wouldn’t be here if not necessary. A lot of the current technology being used is sort of new, so hopefully they’ll have better finesse in time. I did suggest that, with the pop-overs, they might want to institute a time laspe so the pages are guaranteed to load before the things pop up.

Orca blew me away, though I haven’t seen it in years. It’s actually a fairly expensive title to get, even on eBay. Oh well.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 06/26/2003 12:18 PM

I love this page, which is the only reason I suffer the ads. But when it wants to scream at me or, in some way, cause me to go into cardiac arrest, I am angry and bitter. :P

Thanks Matt. I know you try. :)

Chestnuts roasted by Melanie @ 06/26/2003 1:23 PM

I just read the Animal Attack article Matt, and it was good stuff, with the exception of one undenyable fact:

Tim Curry being beaten by reing monkeys, while an immensely intriguing sight, would have been better WITHOUT it being Curry. Timmy can do absolutely anything…well…except bring back a tredemark 60′s family show playing a nanny. Everyone loves murderous Butlers (that are NOT named Didit mind you), and transvestites with class, and the fact that the greatest eyebrows in show biz plays them both are too wonderful to be put on the chopping block..especially in a shameless moviesuch as Congo.

But besides that, I loved the article. Especially the Birds part. My loyalty to Hitchcock will never cease.

Chestnuts roasted by The Ponderer @ 06/26/2003 1:29 PM

God how I wish I could spell undeniable…

Chestnuts roasted by The Ponderer @ 06/26/2003 1:35 PM

Missin u Matt! When will you come play Playmobil pirates with us?

Also, have you seen those new BEANS toys? Go get a pack at Toys R Us. Also, I got a neat skull out of a block of chalk, from Target. I forget what it was called, but apparently, if you spend the hour and a half chipping away at the chalk enough times, you will have multiple skulls.. and then you can BATTLE them.

Chestnuts roasted by meenk @ 06/26/2003 1:52 PM

Oh my sweet Jesus.
I’ve seen Slugs.
Oh lord.

Does anyone else remember the USA television station’s Captain USA? Think early/mid 80′s fat italian guy in a spoofed Captain America costume telling us all about the "creepy horror" in store for us.

Same guy exposed me to Gamera, the Its Alive series, and Skeeters.

Strange.

oh. and (photog fan art)
baby eating.

Chestnuts roasted by OhGodtheRats @ 06/26/2003 1:53 PM

screw you all. Matt, you should put MORE ads. This is the greatest and bestest site in the cosmos. No where else can i read about making my own Krang. You take Matt for granted.

Chestnuts roasted by wack0 @ 06/26/2003 2:05 PM

Hey, Matt, you forgot to mention the baby Orca Fetus. Ewww. I loved me my Krang. I only got the one with the little chicken helmet thing. I really wanted the big body which came out later. I am actually writing from Dimension X. That’s why I look so red and floating. If you really want to make the mega-sized Krang, use a basketball. Cool.

Chestnuts roasted by Bansheex @ 06/26/2003 3:16 PM

ohgodtherats, it was commander usa! i only vaguely remember it…i was just a wee lass but my dad loved it and he even had a commander usa shirt. it was sort of a precursor to MST3K

oh and matt, i defend your choice of anaconda. actually, i would have put at number 1 if i wrote the article. its allll about jon voight’s performance. i love the vaguely portugeuse/italian accent and the squinty eyes. the best moment in the whole film is when he surprises jlo and ice cube and hits them on the head with the butt of a rifle. as he comes up behind them, he says "welcome!" except it sounds as though it was dubbed by a german woman. "velcome!" i just rewind that part over and over.

Chestnuts roasted by lain @ 06/26/2003 3:30 PM

krang came with the little robo-chair with legs thing, but he had another set that was him and his body from the episode. the body didnt do much but hold krang and its arms and legs could move in one direction only where they attached to the torso, so you couldnt bend the legs or arms which kind of sucked since the arms just stuck straight out to the sides.

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 06/26/2003 3:32 PM

I always surf with my sound off, and turn it up when necessary, which eases the drama of being accosted by the Hulk. I’ve also noticed that on 56K (at work), the ads are just terrible and glitchy. But on cable(at home), they pop right up and don’t cause any errors or drama, so I just wait until I get home to go into an ad clicking frenzy!!!
Oh man oh man I caught the end of this movie years and years ago and it traumatized me until puberty. Matt, pretty please please please review Night of the Lepas (I always remembered it as Lepahs?). If you can find it, that is. I just looked all over the place and couldn’t find diddley.
*Ren & Stimpy premieres tonight, for those that are interested!*

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/26/2003 3:39 PM

Dude…seriously….that was amazing. Godly even. Jesus status. Just for that, I’ll send you a Krang action figure if you want.

P.S. What ever happened to the MOTU Happy Meal article?

Chestnuts roasted by hippo_crates @ 06/26/2003 4:47 PM

Betty White rulez! Too bad Lake Placid wasn’t supposed to take place in St. Olaf.

Chestnuts roasted by officer fuckmeat @ 06/26/2003 5:20 PM

Hey – the KrangKraft works equally well if you use a stryofoam ball and pins to stick the paper on… just in case you don’t want tape all over his brainy-goodness.

Either that, or I just like sticking pins into things.

@:-T (Elvis, the Smiley)

Chestnuts roasted by PaloPinto @ 06/26/2003 11:25 PM

Finally read the Animals Attack article. I agree, except for one thing–Pirhana TWO should have been there. I mean, flying saltwater pirhanas? That kicks butt on some poorly rendered Lou Diamond Phillips movie any day (the bats were bad too).

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 06/27/2003 12:34 PM

I used to think that TMNT was pretty okay, but teh one thing I hated most was…Krang of course.

I didn’t like the villains that did nothing, I didn’t like shredder that much Either.But Cobra Commander was cool cause he was mad, and had a cool silver mask.

Chestnuts roasted by Kyo Kusanagi @ 06/27/2003 2:45 AM

Slugs? Is that based off the novel? I actually READ THE BOOK. Was quite good. :) At least, it was when I was a kid hehe.

Chestnuts roasted by Kiften @ 06/27/2003 9:40 AM

Where did the second Krang pic come from in that row at the top? That is seriously scary!

Chestnuts roasted by CoffeeJedi @ 06/27/2003 4:40 PM

Thank you Kiften…I didn’t want to be the only one to admit I’ve actually read the novel Slugs.

To clarify, the correct spelling is Night of the Lepus, and it is awesome. By far the best movie ever made about giant killer bunnies, and utterly hilarious because no matter what you do, no matter how much you shake them or wiggle the camera or shoot them in a forced perspective to make them look huge…BUNNIES ARE NOT SCARY. It was one of the most ridiculous horror movies ever. There’d be a shot of some hammy actor screaming in terror…then cut to a shot of a bunny…then back to the actor, then suddenly a big fake bunny claw would knock the actor down.

I would also nominate Squirm, which was about killer earthworms and which was based on a true story (vaguely). And I have dim remembrances of a movie about killer crabs.

Chestnuts roasted by Hellpop @ 06/30/2003 8:37 PM

Bunnies aren’t scary? Bullshit. Death awaits you with nasty, big, pointy teeth.

Chestnuts roasted by Teddy Ray @ 07/01/2003 12:37 PM

Right on! I miss TMNT. Krang was great indeed. Although too busy with Technodrome repairs to talk about neuron mind transfer theory, he can sometimes be found relaxing by watching soap operas. You have to respect the weirdness ethic of a show that has an extradimensional alien brain watching soap operas. Please continue to review TMNT episodes and talk about Krang on XE!

Chestnuts roasted by Morbius @ 07/01/2003 11:02 PM

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 25th, 2003 at 6:40 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.