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TMNT Review PLUS…how to make your own Krang!

So last night, I got this idea in my head. Wouldn't go away. Had to be done. What was it? I needed to make my own Krang, of Ninja Turtles fame. No household is complete without its very own Krang, and this article tells you how it's done. Really, for serious, it's there, with pictures. That wouldn't be enough for a feature on its own, so you can also read my episode review for The Shredder Is Splintered on the same damn page. For those curious, that's the episode where Krang finally received his stupid fat bald panties-wearing android body. Enjoy.

Also, check this out. It's an article I did for UGO about the top eleven movies where people get eaten by animals. Jaws, Anaconda, fucking Congo, all yer faves. I've been a busy boy, and busy boys eventually need to get away from keyboards to drink girly drinks in the hot sun. See you later...

Posted by Matt on 06/25/2003. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 55 comments

OMG, I can’t beleive I got two first posts in one week. I get to write about Krang! He’s a brain! With a mouth and eyes! Cool!

Chestnuts roasted by Bansheex @ 06/25/2003 6:46 PM

I had a girlfriend at one time that could perfectly imitate Krang’s voice. Oddly enough, I am not with her anymore (I doubt my wife would approve). I think she was almost as evil as Krang, but she didn’t have mutants, monsters or ninjas working for her.

Chestnuts roasted by Sean @ 06/25/2003 7:47 PM

Wow. Just wow.

If I had seen an article like this when I was five, I might have actually made myself a Krang. Now, I’m too busy with not having a social life to make time for it. In any case, the Turtles rocked.

Chestnuts roasted by Paul @ 06/25/2003 7:51 PM

Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, Chief. We was comin’ back from the island of Tinian t’Leyte, we’d just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in twelve minutes. Didn’t see the first shark for about a half hour. Tiger. Thirteen footer. You know how you know that in the water, Chief? You can tell by lookin’ from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn’t know, was that our bomb mission was so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn’t even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin’, so we formed ourselves into tight groups. It was sorta like you see in the calendars, you know the squares in the old calendars like the Battle o’ Waterloo and the idea was the shark come to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin’ and hollerin’ and sometimes that shark he go away… but sometimes he wouldn’t go away. Sometimes that shark looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a shark is he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn’t even seem to be livin’… ’til he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’. The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin’ and your hollerin’ those sharks come in and… they rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don’t know how many sharks, maybe a thousand. I do know how many men, they averaged six an hour. Thursday mornin’, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boson’s mate. I thought he was asleep, Reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the water, he was like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he’d been bitten in half below the waist. Noon the fifth day a Lockheed Ventura swung in low and he spotted us, a young pilot, lot younger than Mr. Hooper here, anyway he spotted us and a few hours later a big ol’ fat PBY come down and start to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened? Waitin’ for my turn. I’ll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went into the water. Three hundred and sixteen men come out, the sharks took the rest, June the twenty-ninth, nineteen-forty five. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.

Chestnuts roasted by squee4242 @ 06/25/2003 7:58 PM

As far as the switch to heavy-plot present day toons, I’d argue that it’s representative of a huge cultural shift in the opinion of what makes a good toon experience. All the big blockbuster have been based on comics or manga in one way or another, comics themselves are valued by their writers at least as much as the artist. If you compare the entertainment value of what cartoons have now to the average tv drama or ensemble comedy has. Toons and comics have been our cultural renaissance for the past 20 years! G.I. Joe, Transformers, (early) TMNT, Superman, Batman, right on up to our present incarnation of TMNT. All have wonderful characters, tight action, and a complete lack of the sarcastic irony that pollutes every other area of American culture. It’s fun, it’s simple, it’s sincere. God bless the comic, the toon, and the pile of goddamn fun it’ll always represent. And props to Matt for bringing all that excitement back.

Chestnuts roasted by cobraLALALALALALA @ 06/25/2003 8:00 PM

I’m a huge TMNT fan, and I have the majority of the old episodes (there were 193 of ‘em!). This episode is easily one of my favorites. The new show is more my taste, being like the comic book, but I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for evil ol’ Krang.

Chestnuts roasted by Frostor @ 06/25/2003 8:13 PM

Matt, I just have to say you are one crafty individual. I really enjoy it when you do these types of articles and hope to see more like them in the future!

Chestnuts roasted by Rob @ 06/25/2003 8:25 PM

I HAVE RETURNED! Having escaped the asylum, I find myself swamped catching up with Matt’s writing. Good show old boy!

Chestnuts roasted by Nemesis @ 06/25/2003 8:37 PM

I drank something and now my poop was green.

Chestnuts roasted by llyfuft @ 06/25/2003 8:46 PM

krang was always my favorite tmnt figure to play with, my cousin thought the same, so we fought over it all the time. then my aunt bought another and we had two krangs. two krangs = twice the power. another thing with the krangs was that they had the holes in the bottom so you could put em on your fingers or put them on gi joes, and other action figures with small heads like most that were from movies…like the robin hood, hook, swamp thing guys…those were great times. we had the technodrome, sewer, van, blimp, tons of guys…fun stuff. thats enough of my memories for one day…

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 06/25/2003 8:47 PM

so, there was a movie i feel you left off.. Kamodo.. It was made right after anaconda, and was kinda a cross between that and jurassic park. I dunno i actually thought it was good, if anyone else knows what the hell im talking about lemme know.

Chestnuts roasted by satas @ 06/25/2003 10:31 PM

Looking back on why I had a crush on Shredder as a tomboyish kindergardner (screw playing Barbie, I got be to be the April O’Neil in a sea of TMNT-happy boys), it’s due to the fact that he was one of the only decent looking villians at the time. Sure he wore a mask 99% of the time, but he looked better in a mask than say… Cobra Commander. Heh.

Chestnuts roasted by KouHotaru @ 06/25/2003 10:40 PM

If I had a Bogglin, I would make a Krang music video. Building stuff from scratch just takes too much effort for ME.

That reminds ME, I wish other posters would stop capitalizing the word ME in their posts, or at least give me a nickel for the use. No, I am only fooling?!

Chestnuts roasted by ME @ 06/25/2003 10:49 PM

alright. I’ll let it be.
Matt kicks far too much ass to keep bugging about the Photogs.

God I need to make a Krang now…but I think I’ll use balogna instead of pink paper….that way he’ll become more wise and time….(and develop little minions)

Chestnuts roasted by child-like Mentality @ 06/26/2003 12:57 PM

I was always quite proud of myself for sharing my middle name with April’s… first name. >.> My brother was a big TMNT guy (like all boys), so I had the yellow whore action figure. Still do, but I unfortunately broke her arm. :P

I enjoy Krang very much, but I think Elemer’s glue or double-sided tape might have worked a little better? ^^

Chestnuts roasted by Melanie @ 06/26/2003 1:35 AM

Hey!!! I really did eat 50 pounds of meat at Bob’s Steakhouse!!! Why do you mock me?!?! WHYYYYYY?????!?!!!!!!!

Seriously though, great article. Everyone loves alien brains. Especially Venom.

Chestnuts roasted by The Ponderer @ 06/26/2003 2:09 AM

Theres a fight I’d like to see, Venom and Krang, I’d say Krang gets eaten in the first 10 minutes.
Oh and great article Matt, I’m a huge turtle fan, does anyone remember in the original comic there was an entire species of Krangs and they were fighting those triceratops fools?

Chestnuts roasted by Tornado @ 06/26/2003 2:29 AM

So… It was Krang that was behind the attack on the USS Indianapolis. Along with seeing Krang and Venom duke it out, I’d like to see Venom’s green saliva jazz fight with Krang’s brain goop… I’ve got five bucks on the green stuff.

Chestnuts roasted by phillip @ 06/26/2003 3:36 AM

green stuff always wins…and hulk likes green stuff too.

Chestnuts roasted by heeloyd @ 06/26/2003 6:24 AM

I swear there was another Rock Warrior. He was orange and had some kinda pointy beak thing. I’m still hoping Krang will show up in the new TV show.

Chestnuts roasted by The Waffle Man @ 06/26/2003 9:05 AM

Cool article. Krang wsas definitly one of the most fun cartoon villains. Hell, he could open his own comedy club with al his TMNT-jokes. The only bad thing was his Action figure. It didn’t have the body he had in the cartoon and your review, but some lamer mouser-like robot-thingy that absolutely sucked.
By the way, I haven’t seen the new Turtles series yet (I live in Europe), is Krang still there or has he been replaced by some other villain?

Chestnuts roasted by Jordy @ 06/26/2003 9:26 AM

Oh my god, that Krang kicked ass. I almost got in trouble here at work, had to nearly bite through my tongue to prevent myself from laughing. At first I was like, this is gonna suck, but when you got done? Well let’s just say I’m making one tonight :D

Chestnuts roasted by Kiften @ 06/26/2003 10:12 AM

"I was always quite proud of myself for sharing my middle name with April’s… first name. >.> My brother was a big TMNT guy (like all boys), so I had the yellow whore action figure. Still do, but I unfortunately broke her arm. :P "

You know, when I was six or seven, one of the pressies I got for Sinterklaas (that which used to be the Dutch equivalent of Christmas, though I believe the latter has become more popular in recent years for gift-giving and -receiving) was the April O’Neil action figure. I was still too young to realise the full potential of my weewee, so all I saw was a girly toy. A girly toy that was given to me. So I cried, until my parents got the hint and let me exchange it (for Leonardo I think) and all was well. The End.

Incidentally, I also had Krang with his chicken leg thingamajig. Great toy that was, although Boglins were still more fun to put on your hands.

Chestnuts roasted by JC @ 06/26/2003 10:18 AM

Tornado
I remember that in the Eastmen and Laird comic. I have some of the first issues but completely gave up when the cartoon for pre-schoolers came out and the turtles ate pizza instead of drinking pitchers of beer. What the hell happened to comics, that TMNT #2 was selling for over $200.00 before they reached the 10th issue. The last time I looked on ebay, they were like $5.00 – $20.00 with no bids.

Chestnuts roasted by klatubaradanikto @ 06/26/2003 11:07 AM

This is the post of negativity.

This new trend in ads that I can’t close before they completely make the page unreadable is unacceptable. Screw these products. I skipped Hulk in part because of this (also because I don’t like Ang Lee movies). I guess I’ll still go see 28 Days Later, but I’ll be hostile towards it now.

Also, the UGO article is the probably the most I’ve disagreed with Matt. Lake Placid? Anaconda? Noooo.

What about Pirhana? Night of the Lepus? Slugs?

Any of those beats the holy hell out Bill Pullman and a wise-cracking Betty White.

I am cranky.

Chestnuts roasted by Ubu Rex @ 06/26/2003 11:13 AM

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