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06/19/2003: Rawhead Rex.

New Movie Review: It’s one of the earliest flicks to have Clive Barker’s name stamped on the box, and I’m not sure he’s all that happy about it. Rawhead Rex is the story of Satan on Earth, or something close to it. Rex, looking like some kind of mutant hyena biker man, unleashes Holy Hell on a small town. Nobody knows how to stop him, and he keeps eating the locals. What will they do? The answer might surprise you. Also features the first scene I’ve reviewed where a priest gets a golden shower. Enjoy.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 46 comments

Hate to but have to, long time fan, always try, FIRST POST! yay for me! By the way, I’m not the only one who sees the face inside Rex’s head, right? Just making sure. By the by, Satans urine is a really hard smell to get out of clothes. Don’t ask how I know.

Ghosted by Bansheex @ 06/19/2003 6:48 PM EDT

You think thats bad, try getting his shit stains off your sheets.

Ghosted by Gozer @ 06/19/2003 7:06 PM EDT

My god this is a "great" film.

Ghosted by OhgodtheRats @ 06/19/2003 7:28 PM EDT

yeah i see the face within his face too…lol. i should try to find this movie so i can see the whole thing, even though that might not be the best thing to do.

Ghosted by heeloyd @ 06/19/2003 7:38 PM EDT

Matt: If you were to ever dedicate some bandwidth to a clip of a movie … it would have to be the "PowerGlove" clip, but coming in a close second would have to be the "Satan gives Priest the ole Golden Shower" clip …

How do you tease us so?

Now that I think about it though … I think we’re better off not seeing it. Good article.

Ghosted by sknyluv @ 06/19/2003 7:56 PM EDT

My sister once got me the graphic novel adaptation of the original short story,and boy,does this movie review take me back. There was a scene where Rawhead Rex,in FARK parlance,was killing kittens in the middle of church. The priest not only got peed on,he slurped the urine too! There was even a naked fat lady! Lived up to the term "graphic novel" in more ways than one. Sadly,I don’t have it any more,but that’s okay,becuase it’s about as nightmare-inducing as those Tortured Souls figures Clive Barker and Todd McFarlane came up with.

Ghosted by JediOverlord @ 06/19/2003 9:24 PM EDT

"As it’s explained, only a woman can control the power of the magic pussy paperweight."

See, that’s what *I’m* talkin’ abou– er, sorry. Never mind.

I have never even heard of this movie, although, when it came out I was far too young to be watching priests take golden showers. (And I always thought that Satan would really be a bottom, like on South Park). Actually, I’m still too young to be seeing that. If I was Catholic, I’d be careful about crossing myself with the "holy" water anytime I went to church. Still, I’m really glad that a wholesome family tradition has cropped up around this movie. It’s definitely a new vista I’ll try to convince family and friends to explore when we next go to the video store.

Well, maybe not family. I don’t need my "dear, sainted mudder" seeing that.

Ghosted by Molten @ 06/19/2003 9:42 PM EDT

Wow, Molten. How have you never seen Rawhead Rex? That’s like saying you’ve never seen Empire Strikes Back. Anyway, all is forgiven, in that you are a funny person. Matt, look into a movie called Freaked. You won’t be dissapointed. Hey, Gozer, how do you know about Satan’s shit stains? Hey, PHOTOG!

Ghosted by Bansheex @ 06/19/2003 9:45 PM EDT

I hate to be posting so much, but I’m at work all alone, and you are my only friends. Much like WW2, never forget, the original Photog article is up OVER 1175 posts. I don’t think it will ever stop. I will now sign my official religion as Binteranity. Today is a great day. I got the first post for the first time in my life, and I got to be the first to bring up Photog. Great day for me, all thanks to Matt.

Ghosted by Bansheex @ 06/19/2003 10:01 PM EDT

Well, after proving my high ranking level of obscure pop culture refernces( thank you teenage munant ninja turtles) I had to drop my two cents worth in on this one.I’ve seen this movie several times (guess I’ma masocist at heart) and actually looked it up. Apprently, there was a legend in the british isles about a Rawhead Rex.Guess it was supposed to scare little kids into not being bad, having sex, or being Clive Barker….Oh, wait that was the movie, sorry I got confused.

Ghosted by orchalcyon @ 06/19/2003 10:57 PM EDT

Bravo as always, Matt. Now do "Mac and Me"

Ghosted by A-wel Cruiz @ 06/19/2003 11:26 PM EDT

Is it just me, or does Rex looks like the Cave of Wonders from Aladdin? All the movie needs is a goofy idiot sidekick, and some subliminal messages stamped into it and bam, you’ve got yourself a Disney flick.

Ghosted by The Ponderer @ 06/20/2003 12:10 PM EDT

I miss you Matt

I miss you alot…

See you tomorrow when I climb in your kitchen window while your eating lunch, and have my way with you while brandishing a firearm.

Ghosted by DeMarco @ 06/20/2003 2:18 AM EDT

Baby Eating: deciphered.

I guess when I was watching this movie the short story got to my head and I hallucinated him eating the baby in the pregnant woman’s womb. (thats what Rawhead Devil Rex does in the story)…I knew they didn’t show it but I thought it was implied.

I guess I’ve got baby eating on the brain.

My apologies.

Ghosted by OhgodtheRats @ 06/20/2003 2:28 AM EDT

hey bansheex, is Freaked the movie that was made by the creators of Ren & Stimpy? it sounds familiar to me and i think its the one i saw when it came out. if i remember correctly the main character was like a 20 year old guy and was part monster or somethin and had a deformed face… its been awhile i dont remember much about it, only that ive seen it. i think the movie also had a ton of gross references like pus, farts, and the like…heheh memories…

Ghosted by heeloyd @ 06/20/2003 4:23 AM EDT

Heeloyd, Freaked was made by and starring Alex Winter AKA Bill from the Bill and Ted movies. It’s a fantastic film which includes a vast array of cool creatures and Mr. T as a bearded woman!

Ghosted by Rob @ 06/20/2003 11:32 AM EDT

Freaked was made by Alex Winter. Alls I know about it is Mr. T plays a bearded lady, and a retarded kid gets dropped out of a plane. Sounds like X-E material to me. (Now because I’m so anal about checking and rechecking my posts Rob beat me to the punch)
Speaking of, don’t forget that episodes of the new Ren & Stimpy Adult Party Cartoon premiere on The New TNN/Spike TV on June 26th at 10 p.m.
http://www.thenewtnn.com/shows/animation/ren_stimpy/index.jhtml

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 06/20/2003 11:44 AM EDT

Am I the only one besides Molten who has never seen this? :p

Ghosted by Kiften @ 06/20/2003 12:27 PM EDT

Speaking of the New TNN/Spike TV, did anyone hear about the lawsuit? Director Spike Lee sued the channel, claiming the proposed name change to Spike TV infringes on his own name. And, he filed an injuntion to prevent the switch, and won! So after all the hype for Spike TV, they have to wait until at least September to see if they can go through with the new name! I’m glad though, what the hell does Spike TV even mean?

Ghosted by Rob @ 06/20/2003 12:31 PM EDT

ah yes Mr.T as a bearded woman, i know for sure i saw that movie now. maybe i’ll check ebay for movies..

Ghosted by heeloyd @ 06/20/2003 1:09 PM EDT

I’ve never seen Rawhead Rex or Freaked. Somehow, when you’re into this kind of thing you just have this spidey sense about bad movies, I think.
The thing that really gets me, is first they were The Nashville Network. Then they got rid of the country, and became The National Network. That still wasn’t quite hip enough, so they spend two years branding themselves as simply The New TNN. A third of their commercials were used to promote the name change. Just as people start to acknowledge it, they up and go and change the name again! Buncha morons. I tell you, the lot of us could run a better television station than those goobers. (what would be your first pick for the lineup?)

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 06/20/2003 2:45 PM EDT

I don’t know what the problem is.

The giant satanic dingus in my backyard pisses all over my chest all the time.
It’s theraputic, you know.

Ghosted by fifteenbones @ 06/20/2003 3:46 PM EDT

If who owned the rights wasn’t an issue, I’d pick Quantum Leap, Beavis and Butthead, MST3K, and maybe Family Guy or Futurama, given their penchant for cartoons.

Ghosted by Rob @ 06/20/2003 3:51 PM EDT

Yeah, spike lee, the poor guy still thinks he’s relevant. hey spike, "do the right thing" and sit down, shut up and go away.

Ghosted by naturekid @ 06/20/2003 3:51 PM EDT

Anyone else out there actually OWN this movie? I do. I’ve sampled it many times in my old made-in-the-basement industrial music. This is definatly one that has more going for it off screen than on, much like "Hellraiser" without, well, anything good. The vicar is the only good part.

Ghosted by Fantod Fox @ 06/20/2003 4:31 PM EDT

everyone!! x-entertainment gets a mention…[not once, but TWICE] at http://www.theaterhopper.com , a totally kickass movie comic. he links to the article about the hulk hands.
pretty awesome!

Ghosted by candice @ 06/20/2003 5:05 PM EDT

I think the national volleyball association and Stan Lee should get together and sue Spike Lee.
Quantum Leap rules. Sliders is a cheap rip-off that stars the fat kid from Stand By Me.

Ghosted by squee4242 @ 06/20/2003 7:16 PM EDT

I think its time to review some Punky Brewster episodes, live-action or animated, doesn’t matter. That’d be fun for everyone.

Ghosted by Bunny Pop @ 06/20/2003 8:35 PM EDT

How creepy! You post this article right when I’m in the middle of Weaveworld. Before tomorrow, of course, when I wallow in Harry Pottery goodness. Yep, I’m-a goin’ to a midnight Potter Party and I ain’t afraid to admit it!

Ghosted by Freezair @ 06/20/2003 9:56 PM EDT

Was I the only one to see HOLY CRAP. HALLENBACK=HELL AND BACK! DON’T YOU GET IT!?! HELL AND BACK! HA HA HA COUGH!

Ghosted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 06/20/2003 10:23 PM EDT

i’ve seen this , rawrex movie on beleave it or not the sci fi channel it was a couple of years ago i guess , i wasn’t the worst movie i’ve ever seen , look at one called a crack in the floor

Ghosted by the one @ 06/21/2003 4:08 AM EDT

"What makes Fat-Kid fat? Fat-Kid?" I’m jonesing for a "Monster Squad review".

Ghosted by The Yeti @ 06/21/2003 7:00 AM EDT

Ah, Rawhead Rex….what a stain on Barker’s otherwise great career.

As for Freaked, it has to be the greatest movie ever made. It’s got Randy Quaid, Mr. T as a Bearded Woman, Brooke Shields, a Cow and Worm man, and all sorts of other weird crap to mess you up late at night when you stumble upon it on cable.

Ghosted by RedBaron @ 06/21/2003 7:35 AM EDT

What’s so "raw" about Rex’s head? It looks medium rare, at best.

And that whole Spike Lee thing has got to be the most annoying story of 2003. He actually believes that if people hear the word "spike" they automatically think of him. Where did this guy get his ego from? Certainly not from the success of his movies, which probably barely cover the cost of his Knicks season tickets.

Ghosted by Johnny Moodis @ 06/21/2003 1:13 PM EDT

I saw like 10 minutes or whatever of Rawhead rex when it was on cable when I was a kid. My sister made me turn it off when she saw the pregnant woman. I probably would have turned it off sooner or later since I always changed the channel when it got scary.

unsolved mysteries gave me nightmares.

Ghosted by lseuyfv @ 06/21/2003 5:33 PM EDT

I wish I received all those channels you American people do, the ones we have show far too few bad horror flicks and most of them are just low-budget affairs of the past several years. I had a great older nephew whom I was really close with (like a surrogate brother to me, really) who had quite the collection of VHS tapes with crappy movies. He died years before I’d become interested in them, though, so they’ve also gone the way of the dodo…

On a lighter note: have you ever thought of reviewing the ’80s remake of The Blob, Matt? It’s pretty silly, but it had some surprisingly decent special effects plus someone being pulled through a kitchen sink to boot (which is arguably even better than the puppet-through-door shot at the end of Nightmare on Elmstreet).

Ghosted by JC @ 06/21/2003 6:57 PM EDT

orchalcyon:
Bonus points for you for doing some research, unlike most of the trogs here.
There are multiple legends like this, most with names like "rawhead" "bloodybones" "rawbones" "assnose" etc. All were basically local supernatural bogeys, very powerful – but by no means the source of all evil [i.e. Satan].
As for the plot, it was a very sketchily done three-way cage match of battling belief-systems. xtianity -v- goddess worship -v- local mythos.
Here the christfools hid a totem of a goddess inside their church (metaphor for the way xtian hoilidays are hijacked celebrations from other systems??). Christ worship is ultimately a hollow system and can do nothing, hence the piss-on-th-priest.
Barker has done other comparative-religion pieces; for a good example read or reread "Imajica"

Break into groups and discuss.

Ghosted by -feral (peoplewhoreadharrypottershouldbeshaton) @ 06/21/2003 8:05 PM EDT

I vaguely remember freaked, doesn’t he end up as a siamese twins or something…I thought it was a comedy, is my memory hazy? Oh well, some people do Freaked and some people do the Matrix Reloaded, but seeing as I wasn’t that impressed with the Matrix, maybe Freaked was a good career move, by the way didn’t Alex Winter have an MTV sketch show where he was a hippie playing football until he gets the crap beat out of him?

Ghosted by whitemale_98/competent soldier @ 06/21/2003 8:07 PM EDT

Yeah! The Idiot Box! What a great show. Eddie the Flying Gimp was the best.

Ghosted by Johnny Moodis @ 06/22/2003 1:08 AM EDT

Nothing will stand up to MTV’s The State.

Ghosted by Kiften @ 06/22/2003 11:05 AM EDT

Freaked was a masterpiece.
I love the part with the thirteen milkmen.

Ghosted by Taco @ 06/22/2003 5:20 PM EDT

"Two-hundred and forty dollars…worth of pudding, oh yeah."

Ghosted by The Yeti @ 06/22/2003 9:21 PM EDT

Taco, 12 milkmen IS theoretically possible. Thirteen milkmen is just outrageous. Squirrell!

Ghosted by Bansheex @ 06/23/2003 3:21 PM EDT

According to IMDB, Heinrich von Schellendorf played good ole Satan in this flick… and doesn’t appear to have had another movie roll in his life.

Go Heinrich!

Ghosted by PaloPinto @ 06/23/2003 11:51 PM EDT

Best…movie review…ever. *sniff*
One of my favorite things to read on here is actually the movie reviews, just because you know its the same thing most of us are all thinking, watching these awful movies (sadly, I’ve seen uh, most of them. Ahem.) And Matt’s running commentary is actually a lot funnier than my inner monologues (which usually go something like Ha ha! what a loser, that guy’s a…a total loser. I hope he dies. Cool, he died!). SO I guess what I meant to say was…keep it up! I love this site to pieces, I really do. First article I read was the Nads hair removal article. Any man brave enough to eat Nads is ok in my book, and I’ve been hooked ever since.
Oh yeah, and I’ve also actually gone and rented some of the reviewed movies I hadn’t seen. Masochistic? Yes, probably. But man, I had to see Jacko in action.

Ghosted by crackwhorlioni @ 06/24/2003 3:25 AM EDT

Hey, Matt… Having read the book, here’s a little 411 on Rawhead. First, he wasn’t Satan, just a very strong warrior imbued with dark powers. You know, the usual "I’ll get ugly, and slaughter in evil’s name if I can be near-unbeatable and have life eternal" shizz. Next, Rawhead was bound by rules. He was forbidden to attack women during the "blood moon", who were pregnant *or* who were menstruating, because they were deemed to be "unclean" at these times. Finally, the "ceramic poon" you refer to is actually an ancient fertility goddess statuette, representing the female in full bloom of fertility/woomanhood (i.e.: preggers) and was blessed at some point by powerful priests or druids for the purpose of containing Rawhead (if memory serves from the novel). Last, the priest and the golden shower… Well, Clive Barker is as gay as the day is long, so knowledge of "watersports" wouldn’t be beyond his ken

Ghosted by Gunnm @ 06/25/2003 9:58 AM EDT

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