Off in the far corners of Masters of the Universe lore lies Photog, the action figure Mattel ‘forgot’ to make. The character was a creation of a kid named Nathan Bitner – the winner of a grand contest where children plied their trade at drawing their own MOTU figure. According to the (disregarded) rules, Nathan was to have his figure forged by the thousands and put out for a national release. For whatever reason, it never happened. My best guess is that the character itself wouldn’t lend itself to easy production using older molds, and Mattel didn’t believe the extra money necessary to make Photog work was worth the risk. That’s pure speculation of course, but if true, it’s pretty silly. Nathan was eleven-years-old at the time of the contest – if anyone knew what kind of action figures kids wanted, I’d say it was him.
But who knows? Maybe Mattel found out he cheated or something. These days, Photog is about as obscure as it gets, and nobody really knows what happened to the poor guy. The only documentation available came on the last page of the Spring ‘86 issue of The Masters of the Universe Magazine, so today, we take a look back at that article and try to piece together this incredibly pointless mystery. It’s time we found out the truth. Who was Photog?
Believe it or not, the article fills in a lot of blanks. I was just expecting a few congratulatory remarks, and maybe some Nathan-brand quotes where he talks about how Orko is such a funny guy. Apparently, Nathan was awarded a scholarship for 100,000 dollars, plus a five-day trip to California. I dunno, sounds like hush money to me. I can just picture some shady Mattel exec offering the wad of dough to Nathan’s family before putting one of those iconic black mouse caps on his head, asking if he’d ever been on Space Mountain. In a flurry of confusion and newfound greed, everyone started signing papers until Photog’s promised production was null and void. If that’s the case, I hope Nathan had fun at Disneyland. Actually wait, no I don’t – that’d mean he screwed the world out of Photog. That blows. I hope the fine print read that the scholarship could be paid out in Monopoly money. Stupid kid.
On Photog, Nathan adds: “I thought the idea of making my character with camera features would be neat.” Sounds like something they made him say, all the while waving 100K checks and VIP passes to Epcot which didn’t even make sense since Epcot’s in Florida. That’s his only quote in the article, so I guess he’s about as good of an interview as Tara Reid.
Photog’s power was said to be the ability to ‘focus in’ on his enemies before draining their strength. The silhouettes shown on his chestplate are pictures of his fallen foes, proving Photog both a sadist and a pretty skilled photographer. The article closes out with a detailed list of Nate’s hobbies, but I stopped reading after I got to ‘doing puzzles’ since no hobby will ever top THAT. Even though the figure never made it to stores, the kid took in a hundred grand and a week-long date with Mickey for spending a few hours with paper and magic markers. I’d say that’s a decent haul. I’m sure the enthusiastic customs artist might be able to make a Photog figure – I’d try it myself, but I’m not a customs artist and I’m usually too busy trying to figure out a way to make plastic edible. That’s the story of Photog. I never said it was going to be long.
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Happy Bitnermas to everyone…whew, I almost missed it and thanks for the anniversary comments…anyway, I was just wondering why Matt has never done an article on this page? I don’t know why the question has never been asked, but if he can write about American Gladiator snacks, he can find time to write about the blog that inspired a cult in excess of 2200 comments, at least 30 or 40 of which are mine…I demand an article. Happy Bitnermas and let us celebrate New Bitner Day six days hence, indeed making the year 2 P.B., although the chances of seeing 3 P.B. are slim indeed…