Shasta, the makers of soda pop for people who can't afford real soda pop, have been hitting the town as of late with a new flavor and a spirited twist. Called 'Tiki Punch,' this Easter Island favorite boasts a brave amount of carbonation and a healthy lack of caffeine. Possibly the worst tasting shit I've ever put to my lips, the 12-packs are still worth buying because there's a cool Trader Vic's Tiki God tumbler chilling out on the box. I got the case for a mere two bucks, because companies need to balance out terrible soda with attractive prices.
Each can is also adorned with the friendly Tiki man, almost making up for the sewage inside. Most of you probably haven't heard of Shasta, but they actually produce dozens of flavored colas, ranging from grape to Tiki to strawberry grape Tiki. They stick with what works, and nothing works better than an angry Tiki God snarling on the side of a soda can.
You really can't drink it, and I'm being completely serious. It may be an acquired taste, but I'm not prepared for the tormenting process involved in acquiring this particular taste. Bad, real bad. Picture Kool-Aid mixed with seltzer, cough syrup, battery acid, and possibly frogs. The box points out that the beverage contains absolutely no fruit juice whatsoever, which seems like an odd thing to promote so vividly. I guess they banked on people being too mesmerized by the angelic Tiki head to notice anything else. This works to a degree, but not even a Moai statue can save your throat from this most charged example of liquid Hell.
On the plus side, the cans work great as decorations for your wall unit.
Posted by Matt on 05/04/2003. E-mail me!
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If we promise to buy something can we get pictures of you drinking it?