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04/29/2003: Critters 2: The Main Course.

New Article: Remember our old Critters review? Well, here’s one for the sequel. The video has just been sitting here collecting dust for the past few months, much like myself, and I figured now was as good a time as any to plop it into the VCR and torture myself with visions of killer porcupines and bounty hunters with breast implants. To be honest, from the standpoint of a person who reviews this crap, I was hoping for a little more. I don’t think I’ll run into the same problem with X-E’s next review, though. Trust me, you’ve never seen anything like what’s coming up. I rarely feel like going through the trouble to create video clips based off of what I’m reviewing, but this one warranted the extra effort. We’re talking Worst Witch level bad, or at least Rainbow Brite at the San Diego Zoo level bad. Maybe even worse. Stay tuned, it should be up tomorrow, but I’ve got some other things to take care of first. Plus, I seem to be coming down with what’s either going to be a fever or SARS. Hopefully the latter since it’ll bring in a little press. Just keep an eye on the site till it’s up - this isn’t one you want to miss.

My local library had a copy of "Rainbow Brite’s San Diego Zoo Adventure" and after reading Matt’s article, I decided to check it out. If this thing coming up is half as bad as that was, then we are in for one hell of a review.

Hah. Terrance Mann. He was the choreographer fellow in the movieized version of "A Chorus Line." And then he did indeed go to Broadway. He was the bad guy in "The Scarlett Pimpernel." He actually has a tolerable singing voice, believe it or not. I mention this because I watched this damn movie solely to watch him…kinda like watching "The Hunger" for David Bowie and…random sexxing.

Critters, rolling death,
Hunger like wind drives you on.
Jaws stretched in a smile.

Dumb rednecks taste foul.
Like tar, Michelob, crawdads,
Nibble, nibble… retch!

Fuzzy, but they bite.
Like hamster in the night- ouch!
Squeal Ug, squeal like a bitch!

It would make me endlessly happy if everyone would check this out. I think funny bones will be tickled.
If you’re interested, check out my homepage. You’ll be the first people to see it. I trust you’ll be gentle.

I just melted into a puddle of glee. Too bad I’m at work, since my squeeks of delight earned me some interesting looks. Thanks Matt! You made my year!

i now know the mystery that is critters. my purpose in life is gone. i should really find out where my pound pur-r-ie is.

Hey Matt,
Great choice for an article! I really love your horror movie articles, and suprisingly enough I LOVE CRITTERS 2. It is my favorite in the series. The Hungry Heffer and the Easter Bunny Death scene. I don’t know what it is, but I have all four and it just the best one. Definately not a 5 in my book, but I can understand if someone might not like it as much. It’s just like how you like Child’s Play 2 the most (although that is my favorite too). Well keep up the good work and try and review Killjoy soon!

The cast of the live-action My Pet Monster went on to do the voices on the cartoon series. The evil curator went on to co-star on the Canadian rip-off of X-Files from Dan Ackroyd’s brother Peter, Psi Factor.

Sorry for restating what was actually in the article. Next time I will read before typing.

Just to let you guys know, HorrorDVDs.com is reporting that the entire Critters series will be coming to DVD on August 5! Yes, even Critters in space.

WOW. I’d actually read a bit on the My Pet Monster in a family video catalog at a neighbor’s a loooong time ago, and never forgot it. Thank you for putting that up and convincing me I did the right thing by avoiding it.

On a non critters related topic, me and my friends are going mad thinking of a certain show that had one guy in blue who specialised in flying, another who was orange and was on land and a green guy who did something else. they kinda had strange powers which made all this crazy stuff stick on to them. the 3 of them lived together(?) as well if that helps…this is really testing my memory to the max so if anyone knows what its called…

Oh maaannnn, thats right!!!! thanx ace. been wrecking my head for ages. great show…hey matt, if you come across any centurions crap, an article would be great!

Centurions have appeared on the site, Nialler. Long time ago so you probably missed it:

It’s an episode review, plus a gallery of the various toys. You know, I really gotta get those archives up.

Wow, thanx matt…great centurions article. Centurions tackling global terrorism? Heavy subject matter. Weird…this must have gone way over my head as a kid. Goddamit, who cares, they kicked ass!!!

Oh man…Centurians! I remember those. I’ve forgoten them all this time. Anybody remember when the bad guys started sinking cities into underground caves?

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 29th, 2003 at 2:47 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.