The X-Entertainment Blog

04/02/2003: Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie Review.

CLICK HERE TO READ IT YOU PEOPLE YOU. It’s been a long time in the making - three years come this weekend, actually - but I’ve finally mustered up the courage to review Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie. Since I never plan to write about GBK ever again, I’ve added in some nice bonus galleries and other crap for fans of the cards and Mackenzie Austin lovers. Enjoy.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 37 comments

i have no clue what GBK is or was, but those 3 pictures scare the CRAP out of me….im not crapless!

Posted by ohmygod @ 04/02/2003 2:55 PM EST

I shall never look at my ingrown toe nail the same way again…

Posted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 04/02/2003 2:55 PM EST

Wow. Wow, wow, WOW.

I wanted my first X-E post to be on a special topic,and this fits.

That looks like what could be the single worst movie EVER. Those costumes scare me shitless.

And the coolest thing? I’ve seen the video for rent at a local store. Yet…I don’t think I’ll risk it.

Matt, you’re so brave.

Posted by Behonkiss @ 04/02/2003 3:02 PM EST

Well i enjoyed the review, and I can rememebr this movie. But I can’t remember anything about the movie.

How come on the stickers cy-clops was cy-clops, but as a pop-up he was one-eyed jack?

That’s something interesting to look up……

Posted by chad @ 04/02/2003 3:03 PM EST

So does this mean I should bring a camera the next time I walk my dog?

Posted by mutton72 @ 04/02/2003 3:23 PM EST

chad, every garbage pail kid had an "a" & "b" version. each series would be, say 80 cards worth, but they’d make it seem like 160 cards by naming each card two different names, hence "sy clops" and "one eyed jack", they were a and b versions of the same card from the same series. further examples would be to call "valerie vomit" "pauline puke" or "dookie luke" "todd log" or something like that. *disclaimer- these names may or may not exist.

Posted by nick @ 04/02/2003 3:28 PM EST

Thank you, Matt, for subjecting yourself to that movie for us. GPK were never big around my town, and I never heard about the movie until X-E, and now, I wish I hadn’t. Usually, I’m up for gross and gore, but I fear clicking on the ‘puking video’.

Posted by Evan @ 04/02/2003 3:56 PM EST

O_O Great googily moogily! Now that’s scary! Honestly Matt, you’re the only person who could actually type the suckiness of that movie… not to mention actually stomach it…

Posted by Kowai Neko San @ 04/02/2003 4:08 PM EST

I would buy GBK: The Movie on DVD.

I remember seeing it as a kid, several times on cable. It does for fart jokes what Romero does for gore. This movie numbs you to gross out humor.

I need to see it again. I’ve built it up in my mind, and I need to see if it holds up.

Posted by Ubu Rex @ 04/02/2003 4:13 PM EST

Forget lakes of brimstone and sulphur, and fires that burn without giving off light for all eternity- this movie is the only version of Hell I now consider plausible.

Further horrors lie in the possibility of a comeback. We all remember these little mutants- there will come a day when they’re made into keychains, or, God forbid, full-size dolls with real action features. I have to go say some Hail Marys now.

But, all the characters have that cute alliteration or rhyming thing going on in their names- what about Winston?
Oh, I just found it. Windy. Windy Winston. Now I don’t even believe in God. Thanks Matt!

Posted by Deathfrogurt @ 04/02/2003 4:31 PM EST

If Dante had written Inferno in 1987… it would probably include GPK: The Movie. That, had some demented form of punishment that involved trying to find Level 9 in the original Zelda while blindfolded. Didn’t you mention being able to do that once, Matt?

Posted by Freezair @ 04/02/2003 5:17 PM EST

that movie was ew. In related news…they arleady sell garbage pail kids keychains. The only one i’ve seen is the one where his head blows up…but they have one that throws up too.

Posted by kennef @ 04/02/2003 5:32 PM EST

I salute you, sir! Braver men than you have tried to watch this and died in the attempt.

Looking at the cards, I can suddenly realize why my parents and grade school teachers enforced the ban on GPKs.

Posted by Lantern @ 04/02/2003 6:54 PM EST

I remember renting this movie when I was a kid. I forgot what a peice of crap movie it was.
All hail "TIME BANDITS" the greatest movie ever!

Posted by Madmar @ 04/02/2003 6:59 PM EST

I was thinking to myself recently, "Hey, whatever happened to the Garbage Pail Kid’s Movie?" For a while, I wanted to check it out because I never saw it as a kid… Bless you Matt… Bless you for showing me the light and making me realize that I don’t ever want to see it.

Posted by Blaine the Machine @ 04/02/2003 7:33 PM EST

Haven’t posted in the "blog" for a while, and this is an odd choice to start. Do you know why my mom loved me so much? I was never interested in these cards and thought the movie was too stupid to waste my parents’ money on! (Actually, I hope there were more reasons than that.) These things started out as spoofs of Cabbage Patch Kids and those didn’t impress me, either, but I would have prefered CPK to..uh..the other CPK. I remember thinking how stupid it was that the Cabbage Patch Kids had to be brought to stores in armored cars because *adults* wanted them. (Kind of like Beanie Babies up until a year or two ago.) Now Transformers I probably would have understood.

Posted by ShadowWing the Technorganic Autobot @ 04/02/2003 9:25 PM EST

It might just be me, but does anyone else find the idea of a transvestite child (Rock E. Horror) kind of disturbing.

What sort of message were these people trying to say?

Posted by SydneyPanther @ 04/02/2003 9:55 PM EST

Matt, props to you for surviving that celluiod feces known as "Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie." Those costumes are simply disturbing. That movie just seems perfect for Mystery Science Theater 3000. And here I am thinking "Invasion of the Neptune Men" was the worst movie ever made.

Matt, this is your best article yet.

Posted by Steven @ 04/03/2003 3:13 AM EST

*still has some GPK cards* …prolly cuz I never saw this freakin’ movie!

Posted by no talent ass clown @ 04/03/2003 6:40 AM EST

Interesting…

I looked up this movie at http://www.imdb.com and under the spot for RECOMMENDATIONS they put:

"If you like this title, we also recommend…

Waterworld (1995)"

I don’t know what Kevin Costner and Valerie Vomit have in common but GOD DAMN wouldn’t that be a good movie. It would be Costner’s comeback role.

On second thought, maybe not.

Posted by THE KISS Psycho @ 04/03/2003 10:31 AM EST

GPK was probably just made to cause controversy, the more you get people talking the more they want to see what the fuss is about. Quite a clever marketing ploy.

Posted by Rob @ 04/03/2003 12:09 PM EST

Does anyon remember a similar card series by topps about those troll dolls? It was several years after the garbage pail kids and had similar artwork.

Posted by aqualoco @ 04/03/2003 12:41 PM EST

yes, seeing this review makes me rethink "worst movie ive never seen". matt is very brave. I remember the cards scaring the crap out of me when i was young but then i would go and happily watch the next nightmare on elm street movie with no real after effects. i hear the video is very rare, maybe a blessing in disguise?

Posted by nancy @ 04/03/2003 12:50 PM EST

Oh man, that brought back memories. I was subjected to this at my friends first (possibly second) grade overnight birthday party. That night we watched Monster Squad (awesome!) and Garbage Pail Kids (oh dear God!). The next day we took a vote to see which movie to watch again. I was the lone voice for Monster Squad (awesome! "wolfman has nards!") and those bastards subjected me to GPK again. This review reminded me why I hated that movie so much. Thanks Matt! And the pictures still frighten me, at 22.

Posted by Jared @ 04/03/2003 12:59 PM EST

The Italian version of Nat Nerd was called "Riccardo Superlardo" … That’s funny, because it’s my brother’s name.

Posted by Al Boondy @ 04/03/2003 2:03 PM EST

Odd note: on IMDB, one reviewer commented on GPK: "Tangerine was a surprise, because this girl works on Mexican soap operas now."

So there you can find her.

Posted by ouaga @ 04/03/2003 2:22 PM EST

Anyone who has sony Io can watch the movie for free this month!

Posted by BringTheRock @ 04/03/2003 4:22 PM EST

Hello, my name is Go Knock Jimmy Down, and I collected Garbage Pail Kids.

**pause for the receptive "Hi, Go Knock Jimmy Down."**

I don’t know what got me started on these gross trading cards, but my mother didn’t seem to mind it. Must have been the minute friends that I had in my life somewhere. Maybe I just wanted to see what the big deal was. Maybe I just wanted the laugh. Who knows why.

I didn’t see the movie in theaters. I didn’t even know there was a movie based on these little monsters until I rented it on video. At the time, I thought it was pretty decent for a gross-out movie relying on fart and vomit and other bodily functions for laughs. (Trivia Bit: I believe the character of Captain Mancini was played by David Warner who lent his voice to many cartoons)

Years pass, and GPK has thankfully gone the way of the dodo and the Edsel. Heaven forbid the children of today lay their grimy paws on the history of these bastards. My nephew is going to be 8 this month, and he’s already going into the potty humor (never seems to die, does it?). Fortunately, the last conversation we had with him was about Jackie Chan Adventures. Please, God, let him have his Spongebob Squarepants, his Pokémon and his Yu-Gi-Oh, just keep him away from the gross-outs.

Posted by Go Knock Jimmy Down @ 04/03/2003 6:59 PM EST

Well, would you look at that. Apparantly, by adding double astericks around your text in this forum, it makes it **bold.** I wonder what other HTML goodies this blog has to offer.

Posted by also GKJD @ 04/03/2003 7:01 PM EST

I found this on IMDB .. read the trivia part

http://us.imdb.com/Title?0186747

Posted by PeZ @ 04/04/2003 1:39 AM EST

i loved this movie when i was a kid. I was obsessed with Tangerine. She was so hot. Her dirty purple bra drives me insane with lust.

Posted by wack0 @ 04/04/2003 8:36 AM EST

No, the guy who played Cap’n Mancini was Anthony Newley, who really wasn’t in anything worth mentioning except Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and he was uncredited there…the guy who did the voice of Greaser Greg has done a shitload of voicework in cartoons…everything from Disney to Ninja Turtles to Transformers to Visionaries…fuckin’ Visionaries…

Posted by Teddy Ray @ 04/04/2003 11:59 AM EST

This is the kind of crap that cept me awake at night as a child, and fuels my neurosis as an adult.

I remember this movie, the "vomit scene" alone disallowed me from eating creamed corn for like a month.

Posted by Ratio @ 04/04/2003 12:29 PM EST

Pez, you have the link for the un-aired cartoon.

Here is the movie link:
http://us.imdb.com/Title?0093072

Posted by @ @ 04/04/2003 12:55 PM EST

I have a different reason for hating these fuckers. There was a card called Leakin Lindsey, where this chick ha snot all over her - and when I was in 3rd grade I sneezed - and it was my nick name for a few months.

Fuck that assclown Leaking Lindsey.

Oh, and great article Matt

Posted by Lindsey @ 04/08/2003 1:50 AM EDT

‘tin man

Posted by gbk stickers used to slap arse with both hands @ 04/18/2003 4:48 AM EDT

Sweet, zombie Jesus! How the HELL did you survive that thing! I swear, you done some crazy shit on this site, but actually watching that is light years ahead of anything else. I’m shocked the entire movie didn’t burn itself into your retinas…

Posted by Jeffrey @ 10/01/2003 6:21 AM EDT

Add A New Comment!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003 at 2:43 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.