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02/24/2003: Accordion.

Jeez, that Hungry Man Breakfast article grabbed 60,000+ readers over the weekend. I have to admit, I was pretty surprised by the response. I've probably gotten more e-mail about this one than anything else I've done for the site, and plenty of people called it the best article I've written so far. I don't really agree with that, but I was pretty proud to fit the term 'chicken miscarriage' into the mix.

Anyway, to get myself back on the schedule that works best, I'm skipping today and putting up a new article at midnight sharp. I was beating personal deadlines by an hour all last week, and that's not really conductive to writing great articles. Check back later - next up is a review of a video that will forever change how you view the fabled Ninja Turtles. "The Making of 'The Coming Out Of Their Shells' Tour." If you're wondering if it could somehow be even more stupid than it sounds? Well…yes. Absolutely.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Discussion Thread: 56 comments

The question remains, Matt. Did you eat it?

Posted by Mr. Mr. Mr. @ 02/24/2003 4:49 PM EST

I can't wait. I loved the ninja turtles so much that I bought cookie crisp cereal to eat out of a ninja turtle bowl, and I hated the stuff.

Posted by Mark @ 02/24/2003 5:01 PM EST

I have seen the video, as well listening to the cassette. It's bad. You are one brave man Matt!

Posted by The Toxic Avenger @ 02/24/2003 5:20 PM EST

I LOVED that tour! I was THERE, man. I still play those songs to this day. Hell, I even quoted from one in an editorial a few months back. Can't wait to read your take on the legendary music tour.

Posted by Wes @ 02/24/2003 5:34 PM EST

I passed on that video when I saw it at my local Half Price Books.

I need to get my priorities straight.

Posted by Ubu Rex @ 02/24/2003 5:52 PM EST

Who knew? Maybe Swanson's has a huge Internet following of hungry men. Or not. Probably, it was the Sausages/Home Fries Tank of Doom. Yeah, and I hate to nitpick, but the link up there goes to the MOTU Movie Action Figgas article. Why, yes, I am a jackass, thanks for asking.

Posted by Sargasm @ 02/24/2003 5:58 PM EST

i just read the motu movie figures article and i could swear i remember them issuing a movie version of he-man along with the other three characters you talked about. i clearly remember a dolph lundgren he-man figure that came with the crappy looking sword from the movie. any thoughts?? also i think its time for a new skeletor adventure dude. skeletors funny.

Posted by JEREMIAH @ 02/24/2003 6:37 PM EST

Okay, this is off-topic, but I really, REALLY need to get this off of my chest. Damn you, Matt, for turning me into a god-damned Pokemon freak. I now own the movies, I tape it daily, I've played the fuck out of the Game Boy games, shit, I hunt for anything Poke-related on eBay, not to mention all the stupid little figurines. Just today I got my little Cyndaquil doll, and I was elated. My social life has definitely taken a turn for the worse, and I can't even say that I care. So, in summary, I guess what I'm trying to say is, write more articles about it. Please.

Posted by Jeremy @ 02/24/2003 9:01 PM EST

They never made a He-man movie figure of Dolph-Man. You might be thinking of one of the New Adventures of He-Man figures.

He-man.org has pics of every toy released for every he-man line, and even some that weren't released.

The guy is such a huge He-man fan they hired him to do the new comics for image.

Posted by Casey Jones @ 02/24/2003 9:16 PM EST

Thundercats Live Action Movie in Development?
http://www.superherohype.com/cgi-bin/news/fullnews.cgi?newsi...,

Click on my name for a direct link, or copy and paste the above.

Posted by Tim @ 02/24/2003 10:14 PM EST

Wow, I think I have the turtles video laying around somewhere, and still in it's original shrink wrap if I remember correctly. I vow to watch that video some time in my life, maybe the article will change my mind on that though?

Posted by Patrick N @ 02/25/2003 1:45 AM EST

matt, im one of your biggest fans!! love your stuff– i can't commend you enough. i wanted to tell you personally on aim- but im sure you get harassed enough. thanks for the laughs- .

Posted by Cathy @ 02/25/2003 2:29 AM EST

jeremiah, i think you are thinking of laser light he-man. look on he-man.org and have a badgers.

Posted by tn man @ 02/25/2003 6:27 AM EST

This might be the reason for some of the rise in hits:

http://www.poe-news.com/stories.php?poeurlid=18438

Posted by Jimjones @ 02/25/2003 8:02 AM EST

how cool. matt was advertised on another site. heee heeee heeee.

oh, the hungry man artoicle as fucking good. you should become a restaurant critic, with your fantastic food articles youd be a natural.

and as a critic youd get free food and blowjobs of waitresses too. 'tastic

Posted by tin man @ 02/25/2003 8:15 AM EST

have a badger's at this: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=85201 it takes ninetenn and half years to load, but it has a funny theme tune and the skeletor in the cartoon perfectly fits matts version of skeletor. very funny.

Posted by tin man @ 02/25/2003 8:51 AM EST

The Hungry Man Breakfast article was linked on Fark.com on Saturday. That would account for a few of the extra hits.

Posted by So Very Tired @ 02/25/2003 10:03 AM EST

Oh man. My friend said she sent me those TMNT Coming Out Of Their Shells videos in the mail last week. They should be here any day now! I'm also expecting some G.I. Joe Lite Brite sheets.

Posted by Mike Fireball @ 02/25/2003 11:57 AM EST

Hey man. I just wanted to tell you that if a building comes down today, or if a bomb goes off, I am holding you responsible. Thats right, you.

I have a ::cough:: connection at the, um, "agency" who is in a dept related to, um, the security of our homeland… and because of your article on the breakfast (which they are saying is possibly the funniest thing they have ever read, Manatee being their fav part), they switched their attention ever so slightly to discovering the truth behind the article, long debates ultimately resulting in a call to Swanson. Wherein the Swanson rep confirmed the numbers you had posted. I'm even sure they are redirecting a sattellite or two to peek into the factory to see what the possibly "secret sauce" really is.

You are the man. Kudos to you again!

Posted by Draven @ 02/25/2003 12:31 PM EST

ok, this thundercat live action mention has me all hot and bothered. but i can't get any info from that link. does anyone else know where I can find anything about a possible thundercat live action flick? thundercats were my childhood faves after starwars. someone help me out here!

Posted by t-rah @ 02/25/2003 12:35 PM EST

I went. I loved it. My mom wouldn't let me buy the tour poster at the concert cause it was too much, so I got a black and white rip off poster from some homeless guy on the way to the car. That poster still to this day hangs in my bedroom. When I get off of work, I'll post it.

And someone should download shedders song from that CD…. "I HATE MUSIC"… and then he "gangster raps"

Posted by chad @ 02/25/2003 1:52 PM EST

Matt, you are a brave man for watching that. I've just bid on a wild boar on eBay.

Posted by Jeremy @ 02/25/2003 2:11 PM EST

My comments seem to get deleted a lot.. I must not be cool.

Posted by wack0 @ 02/25/2003 2:42 PM EST

I remember Pizza Hut pimping the Turtles to no end. My cousin had the Coming Out of Our Shells cassette. He used to sing "Pizza Power" religiously. Just for shits and giggles I did a search for "Pizza Power" on Napster a few years ago. I have it. I hate it. But for some reason I can't bring myself to get rid of it.

Posted by Jeff @ 02/25/2003 2:50 PM EST

I still remember that one time that those stage show turtles made an appearance on Steampipe Alley. That was my first acctual exposure to them, and man, I think that appearance actually killed my TMNT fandom. I don't know if it was the crappy costumes or just Mario Cantone in general, but, gah.Stupid Mario Cantone.

Posted by Lim @ 02/25/2003 4:58 PM EST

thanks tin man, you were right, i was thinking of the 1989 new adventures he man figure that looked like dolph. after looking at he-man.org i remembered i have optikk and hydron which are part of that series of figures. i bought them in the clearance bin at kaybee for like 2 bucks a piece around '91 or '92.

Posted by jeremiah @ 02/25/2003 5:36 PM EST

hey matt, what are your thoughts on lik-m-aid. you know that wierd candy that comes in a package with 3 flavors of sugary powder and 2 candy sticks and you lick the stick and dip it in the powder and eat it?? me and my friend decay think that a review of it would fit in nicely with the rest of your work. plus it only costs 75 cents.

Posted by jeremiah @ 02/25/2003 5:45 PM EST

I went and got one of those Hungry Man meals after reading your article. Some of it actually tastes like food, but the eggs are weird. Really weird.

I dunno, I'm trying to bulk up. Something thats 1063 calories has to help.

Wait, 230 percent of my chloesterol alotment? I'm glad my mom works for a pacemaker company.

Posted by Casey Jones @ 02/25/2003 8:18 PM EST

Farkers have clicked on the above link 24452 times

That is pretty amazing considering it wasn't even a "boobies" link….

Posted by Gary pwnz j00 @ 02/26/2003 8:49 AM EST

well so much for a weekly schedule. Here we are Wednesday, and we only have had one update this week. I think matt should stick to updating spontaniously…. the schedules never work… look at the advent calendar.

Posted by chad @ 02/26/2003 9:07 AM EST

I'm writing one right now, Chad.

Posted by Matt @ 02/26/2003 9:10 AM EST

I withdraw my previous comment. Matt rox. And by that I mean rocks…. not rox…. as in the old show about the trashman.

Posted by chad @ 02/26/2003 9:26 AM EST

Actually, it was Roc.

Posted by The Toxic Avenger @ 02/26/2003 10:07 AM EST

I am wondering summat. just a little summat.

I too have seen how in successive live appearances the turtles have gotten shiter and shiter in the cosutme department. but shurely it would have been more cost effectiv to…USE THE ORIGINAL FUCKING SUITS or even improve em. better than makin new, shite ones. how blody sill. did the suit makers eat hungry man breakfasts all day or something?

Posted by tin man @ 02/26/2003 10:10 AM EST

ok, cherry shoes is really BABY APRICOT. she smelled the best out of the whole bunch, and that bunny of hers? i used to chew that guy's ears like there was no tomorrow. he has been punished.

Posted by t-rah @ 02/26/2003 12:10 PM EST

Turtles were on Steampipe Alley???

Dude.

Posted by Wes @ 02/26/2003 12:25 PM EST

Mmmmm….Lik-M-Aid. In my glorious youth, I'd just eat the damn sticks and snort the powder afterwards. It really helped gear me up for my brief cocaine addiction.

Posted by Jeremy @ 02/26/2003 12:30 PM EST

You know matt,
I used to have the cassette tape for the T.M.N.T that came out of Pizza Hut back in the day. It had I think 6-8 songs on it. I forgot I even had it till I heard "Out of Our Shells" and I had a flash back of when I was just a dirt child and made my TMNT figures sing the songs. After all they were the band. and my sisters barbies would be the groupies, while shredder and his "evil" hench men were the poor folks labled as roadies.
Good tymes.

Posted by Azriel Sin @ 02/26/2003 1:22 PM EST

Oh God- I remember the "Out Of Our Shells" thing. I also had the cassette from Pizza-Hut, and I'm pretty sure I enjoyed at least one of the songs on it (I could test my memory by downloading the provided music but I'm… a coward). Ugh… I actually spent some time trying to convince my mom to take me to the live "concert". I really do have a great mom. Shee loved me enough that she let me go, AND she resisted the urge to kick my ass. You've gotta respect that.

Posted by Night_Trekker @ 02/26/2003 5:45 PM EST

And, in accordance with my usual habit of providing at LEAST one correcting post, she did NOT let me go. She was all like "Yeah, maybe, we'll see" and then allowed me to forget about it as I turned my mind to more important things, such as debating with my friends over which of the X-Men was THE best. Just for the record, Beast wasn't mentioned.

Posted by Night_Trekker @ 02/26/2003 5:49 PM EST

we are sheep folks…stupid, blind, trusting sheep…there was NO way Matt was gonna finish the Advent Calendar…we need look no further than the damning evidence found within his very own retro article about those damnable Sea Monkeys…like the Advent Calendar, I read it and got all set up for the action packed conclusion…only to discover, much to my horror, that the cliff hanger ending was never resolved…is the witty conclusion to the Advent Calendar coming?!?!!? History teaches us, "NO"

Posted by Kano @ 02/26/2003 5:59 PM EST

I was hoping someone would make the connection there.

In all seriousness though, the advent calendar's day will come. I just don't think, at this point, I could end the thing without a great climax. The wait has to be worth it.

Posted by Matt @ 02/26/2003 6:02 PM EST

heh…after I got to the bottom of the Sea Monkeys…I looked around the bottom for a link to part II as with other stories…then, I quickly scrolled up and down looking at the side bar for a faint hope of seeing a "related" story…but only found the heart wrenching admission that it was never finished….one question tho, Matt…did you send off for the diploma with the ribbons?

Posted by Kano @ 02/26/2003 6:10 PM EST

Reading the Sea Monkeys article over again has me wondering: Has anyone else had abnormally successful/long-lived Sea Monkeys? Despite Matt's claims, my Sea Monkeys will have been alive and well for two years this June. I'm sure they've gone through quite a few generations since then, but still, the colony shows no sign of dying out any time soon. Can anyone else beat that longevity record?

Posted by thatsasin @ 02/26/2003 11:41 PM EST

I think you got so many hits because Portal of Evil News quoted your article. That's i found it (i usually read x-e though)

Posted by Shaun @ 02/27/2003 1:41 AM EST

Oh man, I just saw on the news that Mr. Rogers died.

I was never really a fan of the show, but that still sucks.

Posted by Thomas Bombadil @ 02/27/2003 5:21 AM EST

I remember seeing a review of a FOURTH live action turtles movie a few years back in one of those magazines u get for free at blockbuster and it having a lady turtle!!!!does ne one remember this too? or am I tripping!?!? Find the movie and review it Matt. Also try and get 'Bad Taste' directed by Peter Jackson it kills LOTR in comparison of special effects.
Cheers to alll readers in Australia!!!

Posted by dr edt @ 02/27/2003 7:37 AM EST

Did anyone watch the state? There was a skit where this guy was house sitting, and his friend wa slike… don't forget to feed the pets, and he was like, "you have pets" he was like… yeah sea mokeys… and they had some of the cast members dress up as huge sea mokeys, and they were running around the living room, and threatening to kill his friend for killing his sea monkeys when he was a kid.

It was an awesome skit. The State was the best

Posted by chad @ 02/27/2003 8:39 AM EST

dr edt: i think you re thinking of a series called tmnt: the next mutation, or something like that. i seem to remewmber a lizard baddie and a female turtle.

Posted by tin man @ 02/27/2003 8:47 AM EST

I always thought that if you put "The State" against "Kids In The Hall", you'd have one hell of a deathmatch there. Do you remember the State guys doing that MTV show "You Wrote It, You Watch It" hosted by Jon Stewart? That was tops, in my book. My favourite skit was about some guy having a dream that Fred Schneider was following him around everywhere, including the bathroom at a grocery store, and "Fred" was played by the guy who went on to host "Viva Variety". I sure do know how to ramble!

Posted by Jeremy @ 02/27/2003 11:12 AM EST

I remember, Back in the day when my dad came home and said that he had more turtles movies. Those were the coming out of their shells tour and the making of the coming out of their shells tour. I rushed to put them in the vcr. As soon as I saw the turtles, with their neverchanging mouths, I couldn't believe this peice of trash. Splinter, had another new voice. That voice sounded like a man trying to do an impression of yoda trying to do an impression of splinter. I think he looked like that insideout dog on the movie fly 2. After this travesty, I never went to Pizza Hut again.

Oh, by the way I have the hulk gloves and they are awsome. I Love them, but everyone in my house is about to kill me for being so annoying.

Posted by Link @ 02/27/2003 12:30 PM EST

BEST ARTICLE EVER, even without Fat Daddy

Posted by Mephistopheles @ 02/27/2003 8:09 PM EST

RANDOMNESS: I was being nosey and reading comments posted in my on-going effort to procrastinate from every doing any work, and I have to add. I love the State. I have an autographed picture of all the State members since I was all kinds of pathetic in high school and wrote them a fan letter. Just thought I'd share.

Matt, you're a fine writer man. I nearly wet my pants laughing every time I visit. Keep it up.
~8K

Posted by Katie (You can call me 8K) @ 02/28/2003 2:52 AM EST

I happened to find this site while looking to find prices on my motu figures. I go on every day to read the new articles and I have recommended it to my friends. It is the funniest shit I have ever read. If any one wants to read the best out there check out the one about the 99 cent animal farm set. It had me crying for an hour!

Posted by Mike D @ 03/02/2003 1:41 AM EST

Funniest damn thing I have EVER read!

Posted by Mizad Chizad @ 03/03/2003 9:37 PM EST

MEGAMAN LIVE ACTION FILM.

Hello There.
We can think about Megaman going to a big screen as a PG rated movie.The idea if the Megaman movie will be a family film like Spy Kids movie.
If Warner Bros gets the work on the Megaman cartoon,They would be interstead working the live Megaman
feature.
We would like to talk on Megaman
franchise right about now.
Thanks.

BRUCE ACOSTA
WESTERN AUSTRALIA
AUSTRALIA.

Posted by Bruce Darren Acosta @ 12/26/2003 2:27 AM EST

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