The X-Entertainment Blog

02/18/2003: Prizes or Cash?

I used to participate in these ‘Prizes or Cash!’ things, with terrible results. The idea changed a little bit over the decades, but when I was doing it, your goal was to sell as much lousy overpriced stationary as possible. In return, you’d either make a dollar per item sold, or gain a point towards prize rewards. You actually could make out pretty well if you had a large, wealthy family willing to buy loads of crap. I had a large family, and I suppose we weren’t paupers, but very few were willing to spend thirty dollars on pink envelopes with elephants stamped on the corners.

click the picture to see the full-sized version.

For me, the best part was living in a state of denial and anticipating all the great prizes I’d surely earn myself. I couldn’t begin to count the hours I used to spend staring at this page and picking out what I considered the ‘top five.’ Try it out, it’s somehow therapeutic. Here’s my five…

1) Atari System: My older brothers had an Atari for as long as I can remember, and I don’t think there was ever a point where I wasn’t able to play it. Still, it was always my first choice anyway. I think it had something to do with the fact that the other prizes mainly focused on fishing equipment and baseball gloves.

2) Tyco Cliffhangers Racing Set: If I could’ve gotten a cool race track just from selling holiday cards and address labels, I would’ve been at peace with the world.

3) G.I. Joe Electric Train & Battle Set: I have no idea what it is, but great things happen when you mix trains and battles.

4) Senior Chemistry Lab: I used to get a chemistry set pretty much yearly, but never used one for anything but decorative purposes. In the back of my mind, grand bomb-making plans always swam around quietly. Plus, I figured the set would help out if I ever needed to turn my skin green.

5) Nylon Backpack Tent: I always chose this in my ‘Top 5.’ I never realized that the thing would be shipped unassembled, and my real goal was just to pick the prize that’d come in the largest box. For a time, the only way I could ascertain my worth to the world was by the size/amount of the mail I got. I didn’t like getting beat up, so this wasn’t something I’d casually talk about in public. Forget I said it.

Now you try it. There’s a new article up, about Clowny Crayons. I’m sure only a few of you remember ‘em, but I didn’t think the site would ever be complete without a tribute to my favorite crayon. I’m sure you can understand.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Those things were in just about every comic book. I had the same order as you, but I think I remembered a trampoline in there somewhere. I am surprised "Captain O" never had his own comic, in which he used his super powers to persuade kids to buy this shit.

Oh, wow. I remember doing something similar when I was younger, and I amassed enough..points or whatever to get the Bike Generator Light Set. I have no idea why, though, because at the time, not only did I not know how to ride a bike, but I didn’t have one anyways.
The REALLY sad part is that I vividly remember my uncle stealing it. I’m not exactly sure how much a pawn shop is willing to fork over for a Bike Generator Light Set, but it had to have been enough for him to buy drugs or beer or whatever.
Sorry, folks.

Wow Clowny crayons! So someone other than me actually HAD one of them? I thought I was alone! I remember a big chunk of the crayon was pink and I hated that color so I tried to break it off but to no avail! And those comic book ads, i always wanted to rry selling but my mom would never let me call.

I remember being so excited about doing Captain O. I didn’t take the easy way out by having my dad take it to work and force the other parents to buy stuff. I actually hit the neighborhood just like the little sales guide told me to. I thought I was a pretty bad ass salesman for racking up enough points for the dome tent (my #1). Looking back now I can almost see the pity in my neighbors eyes when they saw an 11-year-old selling stationary door to door. I should have played that angle harder - worn ratty clothes, skipped brekfast so my stomach would rumble. I would have had that bike in no time flat!

I didn’t have a clue what was being talked about by clowny crayons until I saw the picture of the BIG FAT SQUARE CRAYON! I remember having one, I don’t know if it was the good kind, but I loved that thing, it was mostly green (my favorite) and I wore it down in a week. as far as the sales thing goes, I did those throug school, and never sold anything

I always wondered how those Capt. O things were legal with all the child labor laws and all that.

Plus, they were like telling kids to go door to door and get kidnapped and eaten or something.

"Back in the day" parents didn’t seem to be so worried about that kinda stranger-danger thing as you hear nowadays. I mean, we were all told not to talk to strangers and whatnot, but I distinctly remember roaming in a two-mile radius from my house to sell Girl Scout cookies, and then delivering them with a borrowed little red wagon. School fundraisers and let’s not forget trick-or-treating. Was it less dangerous then? I doubt it.

Shit, I remember when you went trick-or-treating at night. At least then it was fun. Now it’s tightly regulated, with specific hours in the middle of a Sunday afternoon, and all elements of excitement seems to have been sucked out of it. I think the next generation is going to be the biggest bunch of pussies EVER.

Ha! I too owned the Clowny Crayon set! I remember being quite frustrated with it though. I really miss Morning Funnies cereal.

I agree with Jeremy, the next crop of snot facories is going to be a bunch of damn sissies.

I’m from the generation that got up early, poured a giant bowl of sugary whatever, and watched heroes and explosions ’till noon. Then Beakman’s World came on and I knew the party was over. There’s only like 2 or 3 channels that saturday morning cartoons anymore. I dread the thought of the future leaders of the world being weened on "Arthur" and those low gluten Icelandic health cereals with four umlauts in their names.

I would also like to say that the next generation is gonna be full of PUSSIES! That feels good.

Yep, all the boys will be whiny pussies and the girls will have tits and be dressing like Christina Aguilera when they are 9.

Ronnie, I don’t think we can blame overprotective parenting or a lack of Saturday morning cartoons (a lack which I don’t think exists, by the way) for girls developing tits at age 9.

And speaking of fundraisers, who remembers WEEPLES (sp?) from school fundraisers? I had just about all of them. Matt should review weeples.

Scott said, "I remember being so excited about doing Captain O," and I giggled like a schoolgirl.

I remember Capt. O and my mom would never let me call, either. I always wanted to call "Ruth" because she looked hot. I just tried the number and got nothing, no message, no busy signal, nothing…weird.

The generation today is the biggest bunch of pussies ever. Saturday morning cartoons are dead and buried. I can’t even find the new Ninja Turtles cartoon here in Atlanta…and I don’t know why girls are growing big tits at nine, but it disturbs me, because…dammit…I like tits.

And Morning Funnies cereal…man, I remember that…vaguely…what was it again? I remember the comic strips and shit on the box, but that’s about it.

Doing Capt. O, pussies, nine year old tits and Morning Funnies cereal, all in the same place…I love X-E.

Man, that Reese’s alien does have a huge butt. I wonder if that’s where they got that joke in Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey….

Weepuls are still around, but I remember them from middle school. I still have all of the weepuls I got in the magazine sales we had. In sixth grade I actually sold the most magazines and won a giant weepul that’s about eight inches high. He now sits in my room, wearing a straw hat.

Observation: People complain that there are too many advertisements on this website. Then the webmakerperson puts up old advertisements and people are happy. But complain about the rest of the advertisements. Yet, still want to be able to download advertisements.

I’d like to call the, toll free, Captain O hotline. I’d ask Ruth to disclose the secrets locked away in the last few days of the advent calander.

I’d like to call the Captain O hotline to ask Ruth for a date. Also, I’d ask her if she knows if Matt is as sick as I am of hearing people whine about the bloody advent calendar. I’m sure we’d all like to see it, but he’ll get to it when he gets to it. Jeez.

I signed up for one of those in like 1992-3, I wanted the archery set but my mom said no :. I ended up getting a tent and some walkie talkies for some reason…

Exactly Jeremy, I remember how Saturday morning was a religious ritual. Get up uber early, eat loads of cereal, and watch cartoons like TMNT, He-Man, etc. (which came on right before WWF when it was still good. Does anyone remember the episode where Bill Clinton and his wife went and watched?) It’s sad to see the types of shows kids have now. And being a girl I shudder, at least when I was a kid I had cool "guy" shows to watch beside the girlie ones so I’m not 100% pussy as an adult. Sad to think there will never be anothe generation of girls using My little ponys as demon beast carrying their GI Joes into battle against Barbie and the Get Along gang.

Oh for everyone who complains about all the pop ups and advertisements in the middle of articles, all you need is a pop up blocker and they are free online!

this reminds me of the kool-aid house ad. I remember it was in one of my grand-ma’s magazines…. maybe the TV guide that came in the newspaper. But it had a house that koolaid man lived in. It was just an ad for kool-aid, but for the longest time, I thought this place really existed. Many times, I would beg my grandma to take me there… I don’t think she had the heart to tell me, that it really didn’t exist. I remember there was a room for us to leave our parents, I told her that she could go in that room, and hang out.

Cartoons for kids hae actually gotten a little better int he last couple of years. The darkest days were those that followed Saved by the Bell’s debut. In my market, at least, Sat. morning cartoons almost entirely disappeared adn were replaced by Bell-clones, news magazine shows, and informercials.

For kids who had grown up on cartoons, this was a bummer, but not a serious detriment. Years of wild and erratic input had helped us form adequate imaginations to keep ourselves entertained. The younger generation was screwed, however.

Whereas the previous generation had grown up with imgining of far-off places, heroic acts, and the vast potential of the human spirit; the younger kids grew up imagining going to prom, being popular, and running for student government. The limit of dreams had been drastically lowered.

Dude, i just read the Clownies article, and i just had to ask…
Your teachers named Mrs. L that wore purple all the time, her name wasn’t Levy, was it? But as for the actual crayon I remember having the block, tho it used to piss me off that the only thing i could draw with it was scribbles. I think it met an untimely death with a lightbulb…

Captain ‘O’ really looks like a badass. He’s got a jetpack, which lets him cover more door-to-door ground. He’s got the big ‘O’ on the front of his shirt so nobody confuses him with the other stationary-selling superheroes. I wonder if he was, like, some kid that sold an assload of stationary and was elevated to superhero status. I remember wondering if, with enough sales, I could get the jetpack and costume. Or at least get to pose in the next picture with him.

please, for the love of everything that is good, finish the advent calendar, theres 3 days left. i need to find out what happens in the end. who wins? the sheep? the mare winninghams? the oversized donkey?? do the mare winninghams realize those wand things are really dangerous weapons??? do two of the mare winninghams split off from the group and join the dark side of the force, one being the master and the other the apprentice???? maybe their world has ended and christmas will never come, rendering the existence of the whole playmobile universe null and void!! please guy, make my being on this planet worthwhile and finish it. love the mysterious pink box article by the way.

Does anyone else think that the kids (they meet your recommended daily allowance of diversity, if "girl" counts as an ethnic group)held by Captain O’s meaty paws look a little less than delighted with the whole scheme?

That said, I think "Captain O" should be added to everyone’s lexicon of lover nicknames.

Maybe the kids were put in the ad by that evil telemarketer/witch known only as Ruth! The beginning of "The Witches" is still freaky.

I like how the operators can only take names and addresses and not answer questions. Nowadays its equivalent is, "Enter your email address to win a fabulous trip for two to Disneyland. Do not reply to this email."

By the way what the hell is Ruth wearing? I get the lightning bolt spandex suit, (at least I hope it’s spandex, rowr!) to go with the whole super hero theme, but is that a crown up there? Is she their queen?

The name of the operator changed from ad to ad, but the picture remained the same. I remember it was "Dawn" once, and I believe there were others. So that picture might not really be Ruth, assuming there really was a Ruth and they didn’t just think up random female names.

There was only one me. There was a Ruthie, but she hated being called anything but that, so she definitely would never have introduced herself as ‘Ruth.’ So yeah, I’m real and all, but you had to be lucky to actually get ME when you called.

Does anyone here remember the movie "Flight of the Navigator"? It was about a boy who gets knocked out in the woods and wakes up 8 years later unchanged but his family and his brother have? then he goes for a ride in this sapceship with this alien who starts out intelliegnt but somehow transcends into Pee Wee Hermanesque behavior. Does anyone else remeber that movie? Matt should review that one. The first time I saw it I had NO clue what to think.

Paul Reubens really did do the voice of the alien ship. The movie also featured an actor named "Rusty Pouch."

I distinctly remember hating them like no other, for they were all dried out and I couldn’t color with them at all, then when I finally got something down onto paper, or walls, it was this horribly ugly color because the edges were all black and nasty.

Matt, your site brings SOOOO Many memories back to me its not even funny. but while you love those crayons, I’m going to have to say that the ones I had sucked it hardcore.

I remember Clowny Crayons Matt!! I would whine forever for some as a kid, I never got any though *sniffs* I wanted those stupid girly ones with the little pink animals and stuff too :P.. I ended up taking my Crayola Crayon shavings and melting them in the oven for a shitty aproximation of the real thing *shrugs*… I am happy that someone remembers those things!

I also remember Flight of the Navigator, I just bought it for my dad for Christmas on VHS at some Toy for Tots fleamarket sale, brings back a lot of memeories of watching that on Disney as a kid.

Teddy Ray, according to my TMNT book cover (don’t ask), it’s being shown in Albany, Augusta, Columbus, Macon, and Savannah. I don’t know if that helps one bit.

Jeremy, I appreciate the information, but the only local channels we get through Directv are in Atlanta…bastards.

ya know…that add could almost make kids little grade school terroist! ya get the tent, to live in. ya get the microphone, for yelling out yer demands from yer tent. and ya get the bow and arrows to attack people from a distance away, the knives for close range combat, and the walke talking to comunicate with the other teorrist tents! an then, you get some of the other kids to get some of the different thinks, like, not the tent, so they stay with you, or not the microphone…so you telescrope, to peep in on the other lil’terroist sisters while they strip for bed :p, the camara to take pictures, tv, so ya can watch yer self on the news! rockem socken robots, cause even terroist get boared…an…like… yeah! it’d rock! you’d be set for life!

I’ve decided that I don’t really like the new TMNT cartoon. Not sure why, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I’m much older now (26) and I absolutely DESPISE Michaelangelo. I thought he was lame when I was a kid, but now, Jesus H. Baldheaded Christ, he might just be the most annoying character I’ve ever seen in cartoons.

I had the G.I. Joe train set. It was great! It had shitloads of the little green army men and tanks. They also had blue army men and tanks with little Cobra decals for them. Sadly it didn’t survive my childhood.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 18th, 2003 at 10:11 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.