I used to participate in these ‘Prizes or Cash!’ things, with terrible results. The idea changed a little bit over the decades, but when I was doing it, your goal was to sell as much lousy overpriced stationary as possible. In return, you’d either make a dollar per item sold, or gain a point towards prize rewards. You actually could make out pretty well if you had a large, wealthy family willing to buy loads of crap. I had a large family, and I suppose we weren’t paupers, but very few were willing to spend thirty dollars on pink envelopes with elephants stamped on the corners.
click the picture to see the full-sized version.
For me, the best part was living in a state of denial and anticipating all the great prizes I’d surely earn myself. I couldn’t begin to count the hours I used to spend staring at this page and picking out what I considered the ‘top five.’ Try it out, it’s somehow therapeutic. Here’s my five…
1) Atari System: My older brothers had an Atari for as long as I can remember, and I don’t think there was ever a point where I wasn’t able to play it. Still, it was always my first choice anyway. I think it had something to do with the fact that the other prizes mainly focused on fishing equipment and baseball gloves.
2) Tyco Cliffhangers Racing Set: If I could’ve gotten a cool race track just from selling holiday cards and address labels, I would’ve been at peace with the world.
3) G.I. Joe Electric Train & Battle Set: I have no idea what it is, but great things happen when you mix trains and battles.
4) Senior Chemistry Lab: I used to get a chemistry set pretty much yearly, but never used one for anything but decorative purposes. In the back of my mind, grand bomb-making plans always swam around quietly. Plus, I figured the set would help out if I ever needed to turn my skin green.
5) Nylon Backpack Tent: I always chose this in my ‘Top 5.’ I never realized that the thing would be shipped unassembled, and my real goal was just to pick the prize that’d come in the largest box. For a time, the only way I could ascertain my worth to the world was by the size/amount of the mail I got. I didn’t like getting beat up, so this wasn’t something I’d casually talk about in public. Forget I said it.
Now you try it. There’s a new article up, about Clowny Crayons. I’m sure only a few of you remember ‘em, but I didn’t think the site would ever be complete without a tribute to my favorite crayon. I’m sure you can understand.
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
Ghosted by 
.. I ended up taking my Crayola Crayon shavings and melting them in the oven for a shitty aproximation of the real thing *shrugs*… I am happy that someone remembers those things!
Those things were in just about every comic book. I had the same order as you, but I think I remembered a trampoline in there somewhere. I am surprised "Captain O" never had his own comic, in which he used his super powers to persuade kids to buy this shit.