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12/17/2002: pleh.

Ah, the night. The glorious night. Not even our stupid cats are awake. I miss the nighttime. I used to never go to sleep before dawn, and now I’m remembering why I liked it that way so much. If you manage to accomplish anything at night, you feel like you’re ultra constructive cause everyone else is sleeping. Plus, even if you don’t do jack, you feel justified in knowing that you should be asleep anyway. It’s a total win/win scenario.

I just got a batch of great videos to review. The first went up today – Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue, one of the most often recommended shows for me to take a look at. Next up is something nobody reccomended, but I’m sure that’s just because nobody’s ever heard of the thing. You’re not gonna believe this one – just wait and see. It’ll be up by midnight. I’m only giving you one hint: Gary Coleman. I leave it as an exercise to you to figure out exactly what Gary once starred in that I might be reviewing. I guarantee it’s ten times worse than whatever you’re thinking.

Edit: Here’s a sneak peek at the Gary Coleman article… click here!


Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

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Discussion Thread: 42 comments

that was cool. and its good u are back. i thought maybe youd given up or sometjing. keep up the good work. this reveiw was a fantastic return to form. you are one of the bes things on the net. well done. and happy christmas.

Ghosted by tin man @ 12/17/2002 7:32 AM EST

Hey Matt, great review ‘n all. I seem to have a somewhat foggy memory of seeing this video at one time or another.

Anyway, I just wanted to comment on something a little off topic. Are you aware of the takeover ad on XE? Everytime I go to http://www.X-entertainment.com, theres this ad that says "X-Entertainment is brought to you by" a blank space, and then something akin to "click here to continue to X-Entertainment."

I haven’t seen any comments from you on it, that’s why I’m saying something. Is it supposed to be there? If so.. I’ll look like a really big idiot. Uh, but a really big *concerned* idiot.

Great work on the review, however.

Ghosted by Shredder with a crack pipe @ 12/17/2002 8:20 AM EST

Gary Coleman………
My guess is "Like Father , like Santa" or an episode of the Gary Coleman Show.

Ghosted by Avoiding Work @ 12/17/2002 8:45 AM EST

Matt, where did you get the word "pleh"?!!!! I thought I invented it as a way to describe negative things like my boring days at my soon to be ex job? What is your meaning of "pleh"? I am completely blown away by this. Was "pleh" some crazy obscure 80’s sidekick like "Shmee" that I have blocked from memory, but retained the word? Please tell us.

Ghosted by t-rah @ 12/17/2002 9:17 AM EST

Please let it be the first episode of "Shasta McNasty". That was obviously the greatest show ever.

But, in truth, I agree with Mr. Work (may I call you Avoiding?), "Like Father, Like Santa" is the best bet. The only other things I can think of are the Xmas episodes of "Diff’rent Strokes", that Simpsons Xmas ep, or "Kid with the Broken Halo" since it’s religious.

Ghosted by The Matt @ 12/17/2002 10:47 AM EST

i definitely remember the all star show. just to prove how completely ineffectual it was, let me tell you a story about my brother. i remember watching this with him, when he was probly 5 or 6, and i was 11 or 12, and even I didn’t know what most of this stuff was. a few days later, my brother walked into the living room while we were watching the news, and goes, "what’s this? a JOINT?" for those of you who haven’t seen this show, that’s the only line i remember from it, and it came out of bugs bunny’s mouth. my mom flew into a screaming rage and demanded to know where in god’s name he’d heard that word….all hail buena vista, for giving my mother her third aneurism…(kidding) also, might i add that the zombie version of michael used to give me nightmares, and i convinced myself that if i ever did drugs, the zombie was going to come and eat my brain. that’s all, except for the usual keep up the good work matt, have a great xmas, and a huge THANK YOU for the laughs during this, my stupid week of college finals, they suck, but x-e doesn’t

Ghosted by raven casey @ 12/17/2002 11:18 AM EST

I love your site, I love your action figures, I love your ultra sexy chinese bulbasaur!!!Can I be your groupy and umm follow you around and flash you and stuff pleeeeeeeeeease. <3

Ghosted by somegirl @ 12/17/2002 12:00 PM EST

Oh yeah……and this is some funny shyt right here…http://www.gamedesigner.net/news.phtml?id=41

Ghosted by somegirlagain @ 12/17/2002 12:02 PM EST

That review ruled. I remember not being able to wait for that show, and then being extremely disappointed.

It would have been cool to get some of the toon stars hooked on smack too, and have them go nuts, having a huge like infinity gauntlet type brawl, like Papa Smurf on shrooms facing the drug free Alf in a fight to the death.

Something tells me pothead voiced Michealangelo talking about the horrors of drug use HAD to be an in joke.

I remember the GI Joe anti drug episode, in the HORRIBLE Dic version of the show. They had a crimson guard team up with the Joes to take out headman, and i think Falcon was addicted to drugs.

Speaking of Dic, the most vivid memory I have of them was when they were giving out free watches to kids at my school, and every single kid changing the watch to say "Dick"

We were sure creative.

Ghosted by Casey Jones @ 12/17/2002 12:51 PM EST

I vaguely remember a Gary Coleman cartoon show when I was little. Coleman was a stupid angel with a stupid halo who worked for stupid heaven to undo stupid bad deeds. If that’s what Matt is refering to, what the hell would they have an x-mas special about? Coleman working with Christ to end the 80’s gas crisis?

Ghosted by thine own self loathing @ 12/17/2002 1:26 PM EST

No no – it’s not the cartoon, and it’s not a Christmas special. :) It’s better!

Ghosted by Matt @ 12/17/2002 1:32 PM EST

You evoked the exact same memories I had of that special: Great anticipation, then greater disappointment. I was a big Garfield fan back then and he had like 2 lines and then sat around back home as everyone else had fun. What a crock!

Ghosted by Bobak @ 12/17/2002 2:48 PM EST

I know for a fact that they showed Cartoon All-Stars on t.v. at least once. All of my friends were so pysched so see it, so we held an honorary sleep-over the night before it was on (it screened on Sat. morning.)

Let me just say that we were quite disappointed in it. This was during TMNT mania, and we were pissed off that Michalengo was only on the show for like 2 min. tops. Ugh. Instead there was the Smurfs, which we all loathed.

I didn’t remember so much of the actual drug references during the show. I would have remembered the cocanie that Mikey was taking, even as a young boy. I guess I was so blinded by rage of lack of TMNT that I forgot.

Ghosted by evan @ 12/17/2002 3:57 PM EST

Okay, I remeber liking the damn special. But maybe that’s just because Michelangelo flushed the lead character down the sewer at one point. I was also a big Alf fan, for reasons I cant remember or justify.

And I think they rerun that stupid Gary Coleman cartoon at around 2 in the morning on cartoon network.

Ghosted by Voodoo Ben @ 12/17/2002 4:16 PM EST

"No no – it’s not the cartoon, and it’s not a Christmas special. :) It’s better!"

… You better not be talking about a very special episode of Different strokes. The one that stars Dudley, Arnold, and that guy who ran the bike shop or whatever and lived in an apartment behind it. The one that tvtome.com refuses to acknowledge. Please god. That is the most frightening Gary-Coleman related thing I can think of.

Ghosted by Saf @ 12/17/2002 5:55 PM EST

Nope, not that either. :) Though I can’t say this is better than THAT episode.

Ghosted by Matt @ 12/17/2002 5:57 PM EST

I can’t even begin to guess, but with a star like Gary Coleman, it’s bound to be special

Ghosted by Mike @ 12/17/2002 6:05 PM EST

"What’s this, a joint?" -Bugs

Really strange, but that’s the only line I can recall from that special. Not so strange, till I started reading the comments here and on Fark and finding out that was the same line ANYONE remembered. frickin’ weird. The Gary Coleman thing, it wouldn’t have anything to do with him thinking on running for the US Senate would it?

Ghosted by JB @ 12/17/2002 7:18 PM EST

Nope! This one is REALLY obscure. :)

Ghosted by Matt @ 12/17/2002 7:20 PM EST

hrmm; it wouldn’t be "Gary Coleman: For Safety’s Sake", would it? Some instructional video they showed us in grade school w/ Coleman giving out safety tips…the irony.

Ghosted by sharkie @ 12/17/2002 8:15 PM EST

Gary Coleman and Christmas, there can be nothing better. If memory serves correct, the only Christmas specials/movies/tv shows Coleman has been on involving Christmas were the Simpsons holiday episode with the Funzo dolls and that "special" about the toy maker guy who go to the north pole because he wants people to buy only his toys or something. I think it was called "Your Father likes Santa" or "Santa likes Father Christmas" or "Father Likes Father Christmas and Santa" or something like that. Either way, that is all the Coleman I can remember, involving Christmas. Coleman was a great angel, but he still was no Tom Bosley crime-fighting Priest. Father Matlock, I think that one was called. In one episode, cardsharks swindled Richie out of all his money, then good ol’ Father Tom Bosley had Jesus use his heat vision to get the money back. That was quite the uproarious episode, I tell you what.

I think that is it, the previous stuff may never have happened and may not exist; I might have just dreamed it. If that is the case and the ideas are my own, don’t steal them; I got a lot scripts to write.

Ghosted by Jeff @ 12/17/2002 8:17 PM EST

I think you cheated, Sharkie. ;)

Ghosted by Matt @ 12/17/2002 8:20 PM EST

Gary Coleman is hosting The ScreenSavers on TechTv on Wednesday (Dec. 17), just so everyone knows. ;)

Ghosted by Cristofer @ 12/17/2002 9:54 PM EST

The worst thing about the all-star article was that an add for Trojan condoms was on the same page.
http://image.ugo.com/ads/Trojan/dec02/aware728×90.gif

Ghosted by Mew @ 12/17/2002 10:19 PM EST

I remember that it was on in prime time, on all the networks…

Ghosted by tsubaki @ 12/17/2002 11:21 PM EST

duuude… i was wondering when you were going to do that cartoon special. behind ‘follow that bird’ i think that was the flick i watched most when i was ages 5-8. i remember going to the video store and reanting it every weekend. it was sweet. maybe it’s the reason i never felt the need to do drugs. nah. i think it was the magical trip-out mine cart ride.

Ghosted by evin @ 12/18/2002 12:09 PM EST

Bobby Jacoby wouldn’t happen to be related to Billy Jacoby from Just one of the Guys and Parker Lewis Can’t Lose would he?

That guy ruled.

Ghosted by Casey Jones @ 12/18/2002 12:13 PM EST

Bobby and Billy Jacoby are indeed brothers, and their sister is Laura Jacoby, who played the little girl in The Night They Saved Christmas.

But why (or how) would you cut salami or anything else with the knife going upward? Forget safety, it’s just nearly impossible to do that.

Ghosted by Action Jacktion @ 12/18/2002 10:56 AM EST

Maybe its intended for the people who cut bagels with their fingers in the holes.

Some emergency room statistic site rated those injuries very high.

Ghosted by Casey Jones @ 12/18/2002 12:42 PM EST

Somehow I’d imagine Bugs Bunny to be more casual and less uptight about the drugs. At least the producers had him say "joint" instead of a more clinical term.
Y’know, I don’t remember all that much about the Cartoon All-Stars special. I know I watched it, but for some reason I kept thinking that there were more characters in the show, like the Care Bears. I guess they figured they had more than enough of shoving object lessons down kids’ throats and decided to sit this one out.
Also, isn’t it a little ironic that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle who always acted the most stoned was the one chosen to speak out AGAINST drugs? I mean, crap, why not invite Shaggy from Scooby-Doo on the special while you’re at it? That’ll make the anti-drug message even MORE effective.
You guys do make a point about the characters chosen for the special. I mean, yeesh, what self-respecting boy is going to tell a drug dealer, "I don’t do that stuff, because Kermit from the Muppet Babies told me not to!" Bigger, beefier heroes would have been more convincing, like Spider-Man or Superman, or well, one of the Mans.

JR

Ghosted by ArugulaZ @ 12/18/2002 6:14 PM EST

How about Aquaman?

"I won’t do drugs because the guy whose only power is to talk to f’n fish told me!"

Ghosted by Casey Jones @ 12/18/2002 6:33 PM EST

when are you gonna do no hold barred. whats that smell?

Ghosted by tin man @ 12/19/2002 6:01 AM EST

I’ve never seen Star Crystal, but I’ve always thought it had one of the most memorable covers in the video store. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the movie is nothing like that.

Ghosted by Action Jacktion @ 12/19/2002 10:57 AM EST

You know this Christmas count down is turning more and more like the top 100 movie monsters for Halloween. Any one want to take a bet if we even get to day 20?

Ghosted by HBKDinobot @ 12/19/2002 11:12 AM EST

Matt,

Please review "Terror Vision" with 80’s TV star Chad Allen (Our House with Shannon Doherty). Chad was also in that Punky Brewster episode where she had two dates at the movie theatre, with the other guy being Zack from Saved By The Bell.

Ghosted by Eliot @ 12/19/2002 12:21 PM EST

Star Crystal sounds entertaining. It’s probably going to be hard for me to acquire a copy, though. On the subject of bad movies, have any of you ever had to do with the Deathstalker series? They’re of the "heroic fantasy" type and really, really annoying (in an amusing way). Worst hero character ever, for example.

Ghosted by Magic Tarpaulin @ 12/19/2002 4:09 PM EST

I saw Deathstalker 3 when it was on MST3K a while ago, and even those guys (bless their souls) couldn’t make it interesting. Boring!

Ghosted by evan @ 12/19/2002 8:08 PM EST

MST3K can make the shittiest movie watchable. I saw Space Mutiny when they ran it, and it actually can be tolerated now. Characters getting killed then reappearing a scene later, space ship interior filmed in a dingy warehouse complete with sunlight coming through the windows, go karts made of cardboard slower than manual wheelchairs, and a hot chick (supposedly hot) that could pass for the hero’s mom. Classic tripe!

Ghosted by Joe @ 12/20/2002 1:10 AM EST

WOW I havent heard anything about the AllStar Cartoon since I watched it in 3rd grade many years ago! I don’t think one person in class stayed awake during it, or made it through w/out making a joke about it. Thanks for the memories!

Ghosted by Ashley @ 12/21/2002 4:14 PM EST

The Gary Coleman movie in question is, I believe "The Kid With a Broken Halo", one of two teamup movies with Robert Gui..gi..TV’s Benson. I don’t remember most of the movie. (I actually remember more of their other teamup where Gary was some superIQ whiz kid who got into college at age 8 or something, with Robert as one of his professors) I believe that Gary was an apprentice guardian angel, but he kept having trouble. It was the basis for "The Gary Coleman Show" (kept the character’s name, I think), but Benson was replaced with a whiny white beanpole female trainer angel who wouldn’t believe that an agent of the devil kept screwing up his missions. That guy’s name was "Hornswaggle" or something. Gary/Andy kept working with the same dang group of kids, one of which had the hots for him, all of whom couldn’t stay out of trouble for five seconds with out Andy and his magic halo. Only the Starlight gun in Laser Tag Academy was more useful.

On another subject: I can think of only one movie that even MST3K couldn’t get me to watch. It was some British film about a psycho ventriloquist who kept using his mind control over some guy he transformed into his dummy. Then there’s that one with clones being used as organ vending machines, but the Peter Graves jokes helped somehow.

Ghosted by ShadowWing: the technorganic Autobot @ 12/21/2002 5:59 PM EST

Haha! Parts: the Clonus Horror. Love the description they gave of the movie: old white men use clones to live forever, and no one is older and whiter than Peter Graves! They might still have the description on the scifi channel website in the MST3K section.

Ghosted by Joe @ 12/22/2002 12:28 PM EST

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