Arrrrgh. I was in Bethlehem most of the weekend, and spent tonight writing an article for the site. As I was rapidly approaching the finishing touches, all the electricity went out. For like one split second, for no readily apparent reason other than to teach me a lesson about not saving my documents. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy wasting four hours writing and then having it disappear, especially when I decided to miss half of the Sopranos season finale to do it. Furio would be disappointed. I am disappointed.

In accordance with the rule I made when I still had my crappy old computer that turned off much more frequently, I won’t be able to write this particular article for at least a week, until the memory of the electricity meltdown has waned. Right now, it’s all too painful. ALL TOO PAINFUL. So, in compensation, here’s something a little quicker. I picked up a good amount of items and pics over the weekend that need to be shown to the public, but while I’m much too electronically frustrated at the moment to do a full article, I couldn’t resist telling you about this right away. We hit a ‘Dollar Tree’ in Bethlehem, which is just a fancy schmanzy store name for your regular 99-cent store chock full of crap. Among the crap were many fine goods – boxes of staples, cookies shaped like Dracula heads, and even a few thermoses with ‘SPOILED ROTTEN’ written on ‘em surrounded by purple hearts. All of these high brow baubles pale in comparison to the store’s ultimate offering: the ‘A Surprise For A Boy’ bag of mystery.

What could be inside? My mind quickly swarmed with possibilities. I felt around the sealed bag for a clue, and while I could tell that there were numerous things inside, I couldn’t tell quite what those things might be. Perhaps some new keychains? One of those pens with the retractable control panels that let you choose from different colors of ink tubes? Who knew! Who knew what wonders awaited! I snatched up two, and after perusing the rest of the Dollar Tree’s aisles, made a dash for the cashier. She was a lovely human who smelled only somewhat like stagnant dishwater. Once home, I ripped open the bag. What did I find? Take a look…

Wow. This was quite a steal. A pair of sunglasses that wouldn’t fit my cats, with the lenses shaped vaguely like hearts. Two Hot Wheels-inspired toy cars that seemed to disintegrate as I touched them, marked only by the word ‘CHINA.’ A toy pogo stick which shared the same affliction as the cars. Plus, a bunch of dark green balloons! Whoopee! What kid wouldn’t want this stuff? I mean, what were they thinking, hiding all these great things in a paper bag like that? This is treasure personified.

Defeated, I opened up the other bag. Maybe that one would have something better? Nope. In fact, it had the same exact junk. Only the sunglasses in the second bag had yellow lenses. So, in closing, I learned a few lessons today. Number one: save your work. You never know when your computer might explode on you. Number two: don’t buy mysterious grab bags who sell 1987 Quackers snack boxes as a ‘featured item.’ Number three: I don’t really have a third lesson. But nobody ever stops at two. Pretend I had one.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!