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11/27/2002: X-E Cryptozoo: The Globster

While I don’t miss the X-E Quickies section terribly much, it did give me the chance to do articles on some topics I’d never get away with as regular main page features. Above all else, I shed a tear for the X-E Cryptozoo. I’ve always been obsessed with this mysterious group of animals who, to date, don’t officially exist. While entries like the sasquatch and the Loch Ness Monster have attained much fame over the decades, the study of cryptozoology extends far past things you’ve seen blurbs about on Unsolved Mysteries. The creatures you’ll find lumped into this category are varied and numerous, and in the far corners of this strange and wacky zoo, you might notice a pile of blubbery gel flopping around in the corner. That pile of crap just might be a globster.

What’s a globster? You never know! In a literal sense, they’re gooey masses of flesh that occasionally - actually, rarely - wash ashore. Either because of decay or because of scavengers, they’re sometimes very difficult to identify. And, in some cases, a globster is shaped so strangely that no normal explanation seems correct. Several have surfaced with appendages or tentacles that look completely unlike those of any known animal, while others have a ’skin’ that can’t be attributed to something already on record.

Most often, globsters are found to be either the remains of a whale which had previously been brutalized, or in rarer cases, a squid or an octopus. While many would like to believe that the remains belong to the fabled giant squid, the truth is that it’d be extremely rare and almost impossible for giant squid remains to wash ashore on their own. Squids in of themselves are typically a deep-sea creature, but the giant ones would likely be so far from the shore, it’d take a miracle for one of their dead to casually glide across the sea without being eaten before making it to the sand.

But maybe, just maybe, globsters are something more. In some cases, scientists have been unable to identify the remains. And when you’re looking at a carcass full of strange arms and puffy skin, the mind can certainly wander. While they don’t always lead to proof of legendary sea monsters, globster remains can provide evidence to support other natural wonders: one was found to be the remains of a giant octopus, a creature whose existence was previously debated.

The best finds are usually found in the open seas, with sailors coming across dead animals they can’t identify stringing along for over 50-60 feet. So yeah, it’s possible that something otherworldly lurks in the depths. But until the globster learns how to talk, breathe air, and gets the ‘I WANNA BE A STAR’ complex, we may never know. Personally, I think it’s a government conspiracy. They keep trying to create a race of really large slugs, but whenever they finish one, they get grossed out and kill it and throw it out in the middle of the ocean. I hate the government. Big slugs could’ve changed the world.

Previous Cryptozoology Articles: The Yeti — The Giant Squid.

My favorite globster is the one this one guy found, it was long and sausage shaped and covered in tough, woolly white strands and when cut, the inside was like a yellow honeycomb. The one real famous blob, I think the one from bermuda, underwent DNA tests that showed it was similar to an octopus, but scientists say if it actually WAS an octopus it would have been bigger than a blue whale.

Maybe it’s sorm form of hybrid. A mix of a Whale and an Octopus. Or an Alligator and an orange dump truck? :/

way back in ninth grade, my friend and i wrote something on my shoe which read "ick! i’m a globster!" we intended to write something about a lobster but it came out all wrong for some reason. ever since then, we thought we’d invented the idea of a globster. thank you for teaching me about their reality.

I’ve been interested in cryptozoo for most of my natural life…I too miss that section from the X-E Quickies and I wouldnt mind seeing its return. Besides, there are several unexplained phenomena that dont have nearly the noteriety of Nessie - globsters, for example.

And I thought that giant squid were generally thought to probably exist…some whale carcasses have been found with sucker scars the size of dinner plates, and squid and whales are natural enemies….

Ooooooh, cryptozoo. I’ve always been into cryptozoology. Ever read Forteantimes? http://www.forteantimes.com. Great magazine, and the webboard at the website (along with the daily news) is great.

Quickies… I didn’t get it, most seemed as long as normal articles, just off to the side and not dated. Are they even on the site anymore? 99 cent city is a classic.

Completely unrelated, but I think, if its possible and is worth the effort, you should have a ‘best of’. Maybe you could get answers in the form of one of those polls? Id especially like to see a Best Of for the horror movie articles.

Is it just me or is it really entertaining to watch those shows on the discovery channel or some such thing where some scientist (gerenally foreign)look for these beasties?I mean its actually entertaining to watch them totally screw up and come up with aboslutly nothing, and then the network filling in the extra 22 minutes with facts about the local fauna and flora.This extremly exciting info is usually told to us by someone over joyed by sea cucumbers.Ah the good stuff.

Actually piscez, giant squid were absolutely proven to exist decades ago. They’ve only found pieces though. BIG squid have washed ashore, but only 30-50 footers. Architeuthis is 70 feet (they think. Could be bigger)

I saw something once where I guy had 22 giant squid remains come to his lab in one year. So the carcasses show up a lot more often than one thinks.

Rock, I love cryptozoology. My favorite monster would have to be Spring-Heeled Jack, a blue-fire-breathing masher who started terrorizing London in 1837. He was bulletproof and jumped better ‘n Lex Luthor with spring shoes.

I did an article on him that was picked up at < "http://unexplained-mysteries.com/articlejack.shtml">Unexplained-Mysteries.com if anyone’s interested. It’s no Unsolved Mysteries, but at least you don’t have to listen to Robert Stack’s heavy breathing.

Matt, this Cryptozoo stuff is great. I’ve been reading about mysterious monsters from about age six. At twenty two now, it breaks my heart to see a decline in these stories, but the whole CHUPACABRA phenomenon kind of jumpstarted things for a while.

My favorite crypto monster is "hairy hands", which isn’t a guy who whacks off a lot, but a pair of disembodied hands that would knock on camper doors somewhere in the midwest.

Actually, the hairy hands are supposed to be in the UK somewhere. Found a bit of info here…

The way they talk about it is more of a ghost thing than a cryptozoo thing, but I’ve seen them in more "monster" books than ghost books.

Hurrah for cryptozoology … Come on, Matt, you should do an article on the Jersey Devil; that picture where it looks like a horse with skinny legs and wings is priceless!

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 27th, 2002 at 4:56 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.