While I don’t miss the X-E Quickies section terribly much, it did give me the chance to do articles on some topics I’d never get away with as regular main page features. Above all else, I shed a tear for the X-E Cryptozoo. I’ve always been obsessed with this mysterious group of animals who, to date, don’t officially exist. While entries like the sasquatch and the Loch Ness Monster have attained much fame over the decades, the study of cryptozoology extends far past things you’ve seen blurbs about on Unsolved Mysteries. The creatures you’ll find lumped into this category are varied and numerous, and in the far corners of this strange and wacky zoo, you might notice a pile of blubbery gel flopping around in the corner. That pile of crap just might be a globster.
What’s a globster? You never know! In a literal sense, they’re gooey masses of flesh that occasionally – actually, rarely – wash ashore. Either because of decay or because of scavengers, they’re sometimes very difficult to identify. And, in some cases, a globster is shaped so strangely that no normal explanation seems correct. Several have surfaced with appendages or tentacles that look completely unlike those of any known animal, while others have a ’skin’ that can’t be attributed to something already on record.
Most often, globsters are found to be either the remains of a whale which had previously been brutalized, or in rarer cases, a squid or an octopus. While many would like to believe that the remains belong to the fabled giant squid, the truth is that it’d be extremely rare and almost impossible for giant squid remains to wash ashore on their own. Squids in of themselves are typically a deep-sea creature, but the giant ones would likely be so far from the shore, it’d take a miracle for one of their dead to casually glide across the sea without being eaten before making it to the sand.
But maybe, just maybe, globsters are something more. In some cases, scientists have been unable to identify the remains. And when you’re looking at a carcass full of strange arms and puffy skin, the mind can certainly wander. While they don’t always lead to proof of legendary sea monsters, globster remains can provide evidence to support other natural wonders: one was found to be the remains of a giant octopus, a creature whose existence was previously debated.
The best finds are usually found in the open seas, with sailors coming across dead animals they can’t identify stringing along for over 50-60 feet. So yeah, it’s possible that something otherworldly lurks in the depths. But until the globster learns how to talk, breathe air, and gets the ‘I WANNA BE A STAR’ complex, we may never know. Personally, I think it’s a government conspiracy. They keep trying to create a race of really large slugs, but whenever they finish one, they get grossed out and kill it and throw it out in the middle of the ocean. I hate the government. Big slugs could’ve changed the world.
Previous Cryptozoology Articles: The Yeti — The Giant Squid.
Posted by Matt. E-mail me!
Ghosted by 
I think i will cry now, as i am very very frightened. Hold me…..