The X-Entertainment Blog

11/21/2002: Christmas sucks.

Jesus Christ I’m beat. I hate long weeks. Actually, the week hasn’t been so much long as it’s been, well, odd. For instance, I spent most of the night doing volunteer work for this Alzheimer’s Foundation thrift shop that needed to set things up for Christmas. I basically did it because I’m constantly buying crap from this place and have gotten to know the women who work there well enough to where I wouldn’t want to see them break their hips trying to carry huge plastic reindeer up three flights of stairs. Additionally, I get first crack at the good stuff. You’d be surprised at how much vintage ornaments go for, and wow do they ever have a lot of ‘em.

Thing was, I ’signed up’ under the assumption that I’d be doing this by myself - which would be my preference. The last thing I want while trying to move 100 boxes are the obstacles of other old ladies asking me if I need a soda. What I found today was even worse - apparently, the foundation is connected with some other foundation who send bad kids there when they need to fulfill community service obligations. So instead of just doing my thing, I had to work with a thirteen-year-old mother and an eleven-year-old who seemed to think he was Scarface. It was TERRIBLE. The kids were actually fairly nice, but I didn’t think I’d have to spend the evening engaging in forced conversation with people who got caught robbing candy or raping birds or something. I ended up leaving early, but not before telling the lead old lady that I’d be happy to come back on a day where I wouldn’t have to babysit juvenile delinquents, or get yelled at by janitors who didn’t like the way I was throwing out cardboard. To be completely honest, the only reason I was so up for doing this was because I noticed that old strands of bubbling X-Mas lights go for hundreds. I didn’t find any of those yet, but I did come home with a complete NES with six or seven boxed games. So while I had a miserable time, at least I’ve got the original Legend of Zelda with the stupid fold-out maps.

Back tomorrow with a full report. Hopefully with another new article, too. I’m pretty sick of just reviewing shit at the moment, so I’m searching around for a topic that doesn’t call for me to do a play-by-play. Maybe I’ll write an article about eating Play Doh. We’ll see.

Posted by Matt. E-mail me!

Good! That’s actually good. My grandpa died of Alzheimer’s last month. I used to volunteer all the time, it somehow made things better.

My gradfather’s slowly gone Alhzeimic over the past year or two. This is going to be the first holiday season without him sentient. HE should be happy anyway. He speaks mostly French now and my dad’s the only one who can understand it, and I guess Grandad thinks he’s either in his old summer home at the beach or sometimes in Paris.

I’ll never forget Christmas last year when in the middle of dinner he raised his glass and recited a line or two of poetry in French. My father didn’t get a lot of it so he said, "What’s that dad?" And my grandfather said, "Huh? What’s what?" So my dad said, "The Poem. What does it mean?" And my grandfather said, "Oh. The poem….uhhh…. I don’t know." Then he got into the backseat of his car and told my father someone stole the steering wheel. Seriously. I just hope I get my genes from Mom’s side.

Not to rudely break the Alzheimer’s stream of thought, but I really think you should write an article on eating Play Doh. I think it is a subject with which all of us who played with Play Doh can relate. I used to eat the stuff like candy and lick my hands discretely when I was done playing with it. Loved it. I need to know if there are others like me!!!! OOOOH, and try to get pictures of the "Fuzzy Pumper Play Doh Barber Shop/Salon."

the heman review was cool, matt. and since you helped ot at that charity shop, you are like skeletor too.

if im at home my missus gets pissed off at me. if i go round hers my mum gets pissed off. if she comes to mine her mum gets pissed off. im talking realy upset, angry and holding a grudge hewre. probably till febuary.
My 2 grandmothers both get jealouse over which gets visited first, my girlfriends mum gets in a strop cos !) my girlfriends brother chose to be at his girlfriends, and 2 her boyfriend is with his mum.
thus i suffer cos my girlfriends mum is in a bad mood. it seems like christmas is alays turned into a petty political jealousey fest by "the more mature sex".

I remember the He-man X-mas special from WAY back when, but I honestly think they aired it more than once. In fact I think the first time I saw it was in either X-mas of 87 or 88. The thing that sticks out in my mind the most about it was the kids teaching Orko to sing "Jingle Bells". They apparently didn’t really know it either because all they did was repeat "jingle bells" twenty times over.

If you ever get a chance to buy or download it, the Smurf’s X-mas soecial is worth watching as well. It had a very similar plot; Gargamel was indetured by some villain with an Italian mstache to kidnap a set of kids but ends up being overwhelmed by the X-mas spirit. Plus the mustache villain traps the kids in a ring of fire he just wills to ignite out of nowhere. I mean it’s pretty hard to beat a Smurf’s special, then they throw in not only X-mas but implied pagan themes. Pure gold.

Isn’t volunteering great? I had a similar experience with a food bank - one of the organizers (read: a volunteer who didn’t want to do any actual work) asked if I was with the young offenders group (I was 21 at the time) or doing my community service. At least you did it for Alzheimer’s (my grandmother has had it for years now). I went from being me to my dad and then to some stranger who was trying to rob her.

At least the MOTU X-mas special didn’t have crap like Orko saying "You trusted Fisto? He’s Skeletor’s right-hand man. Buzz-Off figured it out…" or Teela having to hold on to Cringer after a couple too many lines of the Eternian version of coke. Or maybe that’s what MOTU needs to make it as great as Star Wars.

You did a good thing, sorry you had to put up with the kids. I’m on a community service scholarship at school (and I always have to explain it’s a good thing, not because I got in trouble) and after the first year of working with kids I decided never to do it again. The last one I was tempted to hit and I took that as a sign.

Weird thing is, that summer I worked with low-income kids and these are the ones that will end up on probation. They were badly behaved, but they were good kids. Of course, I was the only one (besides the cop there) who really acted like an adult so they listened to me. I actually miss them.

Eating Play Doh? I’m getting worried now. You’re eating too many things that the mature body isn’t made to handle. Though, being around Old Lady Smell long enough can drive people to do strange things.

If Skeletor had a Christmas spirit, maybe they should have him do Kibbles ‘n’ Bits commercials!

what’s up with the huge TAKEOVER add? that’s hideous. I don’t mind a few popups here and there… but jesus!

BTW…. Matt should do an article about those fake ghostbusters… cam out a little bit after the real ghostbusters, and had pretty cool toys. I don’t remember much, but I remember during the beginning of the show, the guy slide down the pole, and his pants fell off revealing his HILARIOUS heart speckled underwear.

Those Original Ghost Buster toys kicked ass. I had the car…it had a face that changed and it turned into a flying car with fall off wings.

I was just thinking the other day how I like your articles that don’t review stuff a lot better. Do more of them. BTW, did you block my AIM screen name?

I remember Filmation’s Ghostbusters. As a matter of fact, I was digging through an old basket of comics the other day and came across two issues of the Fimation Ghostbusters’ comics as well as a couple "Real Ghostbusters" comics…thinking of hitting eBay…make me an offer.

Anyway, what I’d really like to see Matt review is the "Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue" thing…anyone remember that one? It had like every fucking cartoon imaginable in it to warn kids about the dangers of doing drugs…it ran on all the networks at the same time…perfect XE material.

When did you add the gigantic "UNDISPUTED: AVAILABLE ON VIDEO AND DVD" ad to the entrance?

My grandmother had alzheimers and if there’s one thing to fear, it’s an overly aggressive asian grandmother who has a complete hatred for everything in the world.

Deadpool - you’re right, Alzheimer’s is a total bitch. It actually runs in our family, struck my father’s father really bad. Though I’d be lying if I said that’s why I go to their thrift store - they just have such nice cheap stuff.

Filmation’s Ghostbusters certainly isn’t a ripoff. In fact, it came first, actually coming out in the late 70s I believe. The lead villain on the show was the only thing worth watching. He was called ‘Prime Evil.’

Nice review of the He-Man/She-Ra Christmas Special. And about Marlena, there is an episode that showed that she was indeed a NASA astronaut that came to Eternia via some dimentional portal or something. She crashed, met Randor, and the rest is history. It was on an episode that not only brought another visitor from Earth, but seemed to hint that Marlena recognises her son even with a tan and an echo in his voice. (Which puts her one up on the rest of the planet, including Randor.)

Can you at least tell us if you like the new Man-At-Arms? I think we all know how you feel about the old one. ^_^ And look who voices him: Optimus Primal! (a.k.a. Gary Chalk)

As for "Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue", I have that on tape. (They were giving them away free back in the day, in hopes to get kids off drugs.) It’s fun, but also scary. I’m betting it did it’s job. Check the rental stores; it’d definately X-E material with all the big toon stars of the time. ALF, Garfield, Smurfs, Ducktales, Looney Toons, and TMNT’s Michaelangelo to name a few show up while Pooh consuls the addicts little sister. And C. Everet Scott (I know that’s spelled wrong) as the living embodiment of drugs.

I keep getting a page full of Ads for DVDS, schools of design, and pop up ads! There’s no way to get to X-E. It just keeps refreshing.

Hey, you’d better not piss of them 11 year olds. Those guys are rough and they’ll bust a cap in yo’ azz when you get on their bad side. They’re real hardcore fella’s that spent their long lives trying to survive on the streets, and play by their own rules.

You should review this cartoon allstars video and that Justine Bateman sex tape. Especially the "wait foir sex" tape.
Anyone remember the Diffrent Strokes where Nancy Regan told Arnold to say no? HAHAHAHA! She should have focused on his siblings instead!

I’ve got "Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue" too…it sits on my shelf with "American Flatulators" (ugh, there it is again), "Gun Safety with Eddie the Eagle" and my various sex ed videos including "How Does it Feel to be Really in Love?" (starring JUSTINE BATEMAN!) and some strange religious sex ed video that has a sequence with "Preachers in Disquise", the "rap group" (with unfortunate initials PID…the rap is one of the most unintentionally hilarious things I have ever seen).

I showed my "Cartoon All-Stars" video to a group of friends after a party (or the prom or something). The movie got rave reviews, but they thought the opening part (the ad for Ronald McDonald Children’s Charities- you know what I’m talking about if you’ve seen it) was hilarious. I never heard the end of it. Sick.

Anything with the Muppet Babies pretty much rocks. Also, didn’t they all sing a song during the movie? Ohh…I can barely remember it. I know Alvin and the Chipmunks and the DuckTales were involved…. Yes! There’s the song! "There’s a million wild and wacky ways to say NO!" or something to that extent. Mind you, this was during the Bush administration- Barbara Bush even makes an appearance. Classic.

I think it a good idea Matt to do things other than review stuff, many of your funniest articles weren’t reviews they were accounts of your travels or if they were reviews they were annecdotes from your childhood that relate to the thing you’re reviewing. However I would really like to see your reviews of the original Starwars movies. After all those three movies are responsible for like a sixth of all the article on this site or something.

There is the song that you mention, Nuzzels, and another one at the end, which may be one of the few times that Baby Piggy’s voice actress couldn’t seem to hit the note right, and that seems tough as it is with Piggy’s voice. Hey, it’s worth seeing just for ALF threatening to eat Garfield (don’t get me wrong, I love Garfield) and Daffy Duck’s fortune teller bit.

After the anti drug cartoon, you will never, ever need drugs again, because you will have flashbacks of the crossovers for life.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, November 21st, 2002 at 2:05 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.