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Christmas sucks.

Jesus Christ I'm beat. I hate long weeks. Actually, the week hasn't been so much long as it's been, well, odd. For instance, I spent most of the night doing volunteer work for this Alzheimer's Foundation thrift shop that needed to set things up for Christmas. I basically did it because I'm constantly buying crap from this place and have gotten to know the women who work there well enough to where I wouldn't want to see them break their hips trying to carry huge plastic reindeer up three flights of stairs. Additionally, I get first crack at the good stuff. You'd be surprised at how much vintage ornaments go for, and wow do they ever have a lot of 'em.

Thing was, I 'signed up' under the assumption that I'd be doing this by myself - which would be my preference. The last thing I want while trying to move 100 boxes are the obstacles of other old ladies asking me if I need a soda. What I found today was even worse - apparently, the foundation is connected with some other foundation who send bad kids there when they need to fulfill community service obligations. So instead of just doing my thing, I had to work with a thirteen-year-old mother and an eleven-year-old who seemed to think he was Scarface. It was TERRIBLE. The kids were actually fairly nice, but I didn't think I'd have to spend the evening engaging in forced conversation with people who got caught robbing candy or raping birds or something. I ended up leaving early, but not before telling the lead old lady that I'd be happy to come back on a day where I wouldn't have to babysit juvenile delinquents, or get yelled at by janitors who didn't like the way I was throwing out cardboard. To be completely honest, the only reason I was so up for doing this was because I noticed that old strands of bubbling X-Mas lights go for hundreds. I didn't find any of those yet, but I did come home with a complete NES with six or seven boxed games. So while I had a miserable time, at least I've got the original Legend of Zelda with the stupid fold-out maps.

Back tomorrow with a full report. Hopefully with another new article, too. I'm pretty sick of just reviewing shit at the moment, so I'm searching around for a topic that doesn't call for me to do a play-by-play. Maybe I'll write an article about eating Play Doh. We'll see.

Posted by Matt on 11/21/2002. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 31 comments

Good! That’s actually good. My grandpa died of Alzheimer’s last month. I used to volunteer all the time, it somehow made things better.

Chestnuts roasted by Max @ 11/21/2002 3:51 AM

My gradfather’s slowly gone Alhzeimic over the past year or two. This is going to be the first holiday season without him sentient. HE should be happy anyway. He speaks mostly French now and my dad’s the only one who can understand it, and I guess Grandad thinks he’s either in his old summer home at the beach or sometimes in Paris.

I’ll never forget Christmas last year when in the middle of dinner he raised his glass and recited a line or two of poetry in French. My father didn’t get a lot of it so he said, "What’s that dad?" And my grandfather said, "Huh? What’s what?" So my dad said, "The Poem. What does it mean?" And my grandfather said, "Oh. The poem….uhhh…. I don’t know." Then he got into the backseat of his car and told my father someone stole the steering wheel. Seriously. I just hope I get my genes from Mom’s side.

Chestnuts roasted by Thomas Bombadil @ 11/21/2002 4:46 AM

DEAR MATT,

http://www.petitiononline.com/stopitmj/petition.html

Chestnuts roasted by html @ 11/21/2002 6:27 AM

Not to rudely break the Alzheimer’s stream of thought, but I really think you should write an article on eating Play Doh. I think it is a subject with which all of us who played with Play Doh can relate. I used to eat the stuff like candy and lick my hands discretely when I was done playing with it. Loved it. I need to know if there are others like me!!!! OOOOH, and try to get pictures of the "Fuzzy Pumper Play Doh Barber Shop/Salon."

Chestnuts roasted by T-rah @ 11/21/2002 9:02 AM

the heman review was cool, matt. and since you helped ot at that charity shop, you are like skeletor too.

Chestnuts roasted by tin man @ 11/21/2002 9:29 AM

i hate christmas too.

if im at home my missus gets pissed off at me. if i go round hers my mum gets pissed off. if she comes to mine her mum gets pissed off. im talking realy upset, angry and holding a grudge hewre. probably till febuary.
My 2 grandmothers both get jealouse over which gets visited first, my girlfriends mum gets in a strop cos !) my girlfriends brother chose to be at his girlfriends, and 2 her boyfriend is with his mum.
thus i suffer cos my girlfriends mum is in a bad mood. it seems like christmas is alays turned into a petty political jealousey fest by "the more mature sex".

oh and happy chrstmas to yall too.

Chestnuts roasted by tinnage @ 11/21/2002 9:36 AM

I remember the He-man X-mas special from WAY back when, but I honestly think they aired it more than once. In fact I think the first time I saw it was in either X-mas of 87 or 88. The thing that sticks out in my mind the most about it was the kids teaching Orko to sing "Jingle Bells". They apparently didn’t really know it either because all they did was repeat "jingle bells" twenty times over.

If you ever get a chance to buy or download it, the Smurf’s X-mas soecial is worth watching as well. It had a very similar plot; Gargamel was indetured by some villain with an Italian mstache to kidnap a set of kids but ends up being overwhelmed by the X-mas spirit. Plus the mustache villain traps the kids in a ring of fire he just wills to ignite out of nowhere. I mean it’s pretty hard to beat a Smurf’s special, then they throw in not only X-mas but implied pagan themes. Pure gold.

Chestnuts roasted by Brian @ 11/21/2002 12:02 PM

Isn’t volunteering great? I had a similar experience with a food bank – one of the organizers (read: a volunteer who didn’t want to do any actual work) asked if I was with the young offenders group (I was 21 at the time) or doing my community service. At least you did it for Alzheimer’s (my grandmother has had it for years now). I went from being me to my dad and then to some stranger who was trying to rob her.

At least the MOTU X-mas special didn’t have crap like Orko saying "You trusted Fisto? He’s Skeletor’s right-hand man. Buzz-Off figured it out…" or Teela having to hold on to Cringer after a couple too many lines of the Eternian version of coke. Or maybe that’s what MOTU needs to make it as great as Star Wars.

Chestnuts roasted by XP Ranger @ 11/21/2002 12:13 PM

You did a good thing, sorry you had to put up with the kids. I’m on a community service scholarship at school (and I always have to explain it’s a good thing, not because I got in trouble) and after the first year of working with kids I decided never to do it again. The last one I was tempted to hit and I took that as a sign.

Weird thing is, that summer I worked with low-income kids and these are the ones that will end up on probation. They were badly behaved, but they were good kids. Of course, I was the only one (besides the cop there) who really acted like an adult so they listened to me. I actually miss them.

Eating Play Doh? I’m getting worried now. You’re eating too many things that the mature body isn’t made to handle. Though, being around Old Lady Smell long enough can drive people to do strange things.

Chestnuts roasted by Eve @ 11/21/2002 12:28 PM

Matt should write Ghostbusters Fanfiction.

Chestnuts roasted by Dustin @ 11/21/2002 12:34 PM

If Skeletor had a Christmas spirit, maybe they should have him do Kibbles ‘n’ Bits commercials!

I can see Skeletor advertising those damn things now…HA HA HA!

Chestnuts roasted by Dog dude @ 11/21/2002 1:01 PM

what’s up with the huge TAKEOVER add? that’s hideous. I don’t mind a few popups here and there… but jesus!

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 11/21/2002 2:03 PM

BTW…. Matt should do an article about those fake ghostbusters… cam out a little bit after the real ghostbusters, and had pretty cool toys. I don’t remember much, but I remember during the beginning of the show, the guy slide down the pole, and his pants fell off revealing his HILARIOUS heart speckled underwear.

Please someone tell me they know what I’m talking about

Chestnuts roasted by chad @ 11/21/2002 2:05 PM

yeah, didn’t they have a Gorilla as well?

Chestnuts roasted by JasonA @ 11/21/2002 2:25 PM

You are thinking of the Original Ghostbusters.

Yes they had a gorilla named Tracy and they fought against Prime Evil.

They wern’t "fake" ghostbusters either, they technically DID come first.

Chestnuts roasted by SuperRecoome @ 11/21/2002 3:06 PM

What exactly are bubbling Christmas lights?

Chestnuts roasted by Cryptic Savant @ 11/21/2002 3:27 PM

Those Original Ghost Buster toys kicked ass. I had the car…it had a face that changed and it turned into a flying car with fall off wings.

Chestnuts roasted by Nemesis @ 11/21/2002 4:27 PM

I was just thinking the other day how I like your articles that don’t review stuff a lot better. Do more of them. BTW, did you block my AIM screen name?

Chestnuts roasted by DJ Twink A @ 11/21/2002 5:43 PM

I remember Filmation’s Ghostbusters. As a matter of fact, I was digging through an old basket of comics the other day and came across two issues of the Fimation Ghostbusters’ comics as well as a couple "Real Ghostbusters" comics…thinking of hitting eBay…make me an offer.

Anyway, what I’d really like to see Matt review is the "Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue" thing…anyone remember that one? It had like every fucking cartoon imaginable in it to warn kids about the dangers of doing drugs…it ran on all the networks at the same time…perfect XE material.

Chestnuts roasted by Teddy Ray @ 11/21/2002 5:50 PM

When did you add the gigantic "UNDISPUTED: AVAILABLE ON VIDEO AND DVD" ad to the entrance?

Chestnuts roasted by Jake @ 11/21/2002 7:43 PM

My grandmother had alzheimers and if there’s one thing to fear, it’s an overly aggressive asian grandmother who has a complete hatred for everything in the world.

Chestnuts roasted by Deadpool @ 11/21/2002 8:49 PM

I’ll tackle the topic of the new annoying ad in my next blog entry.

Deadpool – you’re right, Alzheimer’s is a total bitch. It actually runs in our family, struck my father’s father really bad. Though I’d be lying if I said that’s why I go to their thrift store – they just have such nice cheap stuff. :)

Filmation’s Ghostbusters certainly isn’t a ripoff. In fact, it came first, actually coming out in the late 70s I believe. The lead villain on the show was the only thing worth watching. He was called ‘Prime Evil.’

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/21/2002 8:52 PM

Nice review of the He-Man/She-Ra Christmas Special. And about Marlena, there is an episode that showed that she was indeed a NASA astronaut that came to Eternia via some dimentional portal or something. She crashed, met Randor, and the rest is history. It was on an episode that not only brought another visitor from Earth, but seemed to hint that Marlena recognises her son even with a tan and an echo in his voice. (Which puts her one up on the rest of the planet, including Randor.)

Can you at least tell us if you like the new Man-At-Arms? I think we all know how you feel about the old one. ^_^ And look who voices him: Optimus Primal! (a.k.a. Gary Chalk)

As for "Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue", I have that on tape. (They were giving them away free back in the day, in hopes to get kids off drugs.) It’s fun, but also scary. I’m betting it did it’s job. Check the rental stores; it’d definately X-E material with all the big toon stars of the time. ALF, Garfield, Smurfs, Ducktales, Looney Toons, and TMNT’s Michaelangelo to name a few show up while Pooh consuls the addicts little sister. And C. Everet Scott (I know that’s spelled wrong) as the living embodiment of drugs.

Chestnuts roasted by ShadowWing: the technorganic Autobot @ 11/21/2002 10:05 PM

I CAN’T ACCESS THE MAIN PAGE!

I keep getting a page full of Ads for DVDS, schools of design, and pop up ads! There’s no way to get to X-E. It just keeps refreshing.

What happened? Did someone hack the site?

Chestnuts roasted by RedBaron @ 11/21/2002 10:44 PM

RedBaron, there’s a text link at the very top of the page. Click that.

Chestnuts roasted by Eve @ 11/22/2002 12:19 PM

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This entry was posted on Thursday, November 21st, 2002 at 2:05 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.