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Reader Mail, Volume 2023020

Click 'more' to see the latest batch of reader mail, with the topics ranging on everything from the Incredible Hulk to potatoes. On deck is an episode review of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - it's actually one I already reviewed, but it was originally done in July of 2000, and it really sucks. I don't usually like redoing anything I've written about, but this is too good of an episode to pass up on just because I once scribbled three-hundred cursewords about it. It'll be up later today. Now, the questions!

Some more questions from X-E readers, answered as quickly as possible. If you have any inquiries you'd like to see up here, just shoot me an e-mail.

Chaos writes: I have seen the Worst Witch movie four times, while I was not sick or drugged...seriously, my school felt the need to play the thing to me four freaking times. With that said you can understand why I found your worst witch article so hilarious/disturbingly graphic, it drudged up some old trauma that I would have preferred remained buried. However, and I have no idea if anyone has let you in on this yet, but here in Canada, there is an actual worst witch television series, based solely on the material presented in the worst witch motion picture. There is no Tim Curry, and I think the majority of the cast is different, but the production costs are, well, you know the evil dead prequel? Think that, only with maybe an extra twenty bucks. Thought it was my duty to alarm you of this, do what you wish with this information, but use caution, for this shit is horrifically bad.

REPLY: I've gotten boatloads of e-mail over the years about The Worst Witch television series - it really, really sucks, but not in the same fun and cheesy way as the movie. Without Tim Curry wearing the pride hang glider and without Mrs. Garrett wearing a pink wig, there's just no reason to watch it. (read the Worst Witch article here.

Lindsey writes: I was looking at your forum and I read the old 'Flibber's article after someone thought you wrote the book yourself. I can't believe it! I used to have that book and the projects NEVER worked. My damn flibbers were always just shredded up newspaper. They had a project in there that said you could grow a jungle in your room out of a potato and I was naive enough to believe them. It just sprouted and made my room smell.

REPLY: Ha, I tried that 'craft' too. My potato didn't spawn a jungle, but it did turn black and blue. So at least the directions were good if you're ever making an art film about a married pair of potatoes with an abusive husband potato. Potatoes. Potatoes. (read the original review here.

Jason writes: I only recently (couple of months ago) came across your site and have thoroughly enjoyed it! What I enjoy most is that I've actually come across a lot of the stuff you review even before finding your site! I have had a friend that's addicted to Kinder eggs and gets them in Canada on a regular basis. Her ONLY reason for going. That and growing up in the era that most your reviewed items hail from sometimes brings back memories that I just don't need. . . The things I grew up playing with or eating. The things I still have laying around haunting my junk drawer (damn M.U.S.C.L.E guys are still with me and at times I think they're plotting revenge for allowing my Stormtroopers and AT AT drivers to play "kick the baby" with them...)

Anyhoo, I came across this today actually and it is just disturbing the unholy crap out of me. The freakish thing's mesmerizing for some reason. You see, my big thing growing up, and to some degree now still, were comic book based action figures. Mostly, they never were very good, but still got lots of play. I'm picky about my comics, but not the toys. I love 'em. The picture is a prototype for the new Hulk figures they're making for the new movie. Now, its just my opinion, but I do believe this is the scariest toy I have ever seen! And my sister collected Strawberry Shortcake mercilessly. What's scarier. . . I don't want the finished toy. I want this prototype. I can't explain it either; call it morbid fascination, sleep depravation, or that all my action figures ended up with mixed parts anyways and this one COMES THAT WAY! Well, they say a picture is worth a thousand word (or however long this email is). Keep up the awesome job on X Entertainment, here's the picture:

REPLY: Looks pretty nice, actually. I'm not looking forward to the Hulk movie at the same level I was with Spider-Man or X-Men, but I'm sure I'll still be there on opening night. I think Hulk would have to be a tougher project to make 'hip' - my hunch is that they're gonna make it even more tongue-in-cheek than Spider-Man. Otherwise, it could come off pretty poorly. In any event, as for your new favorite figure - I've always wondered if toy sculptors become embarrassed when they get to the figure's groin section. Maybe we should ask the Four Horsemen?

Mike writes: (On National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation...) Hi Matt, We have been fans of this movie forever...we watch it each Christmas day and every time I get together with my sister and nephew Matt, even in the summer...when my children were small and my in-laws did not know of the movie I asked my daughter, then just nine, to say grace at the big Thanksgiving dinner, and we went from there...it was hilarious...we decorate the house like Clark, we kick our Santa, we even have a Santa kicking contest, we say, "Real nice" all year long...and on and on....anyway, I found and ordered eight of the moose mugs this year, they should arrive today, and my sister and nephew are coming for Christmas this year for the first time, from Mass. to Okla.,and I want to surprise everyone with the moose mugs and give myself, my son, age 23 and my nephew, age 19, Eddie clothes to wear on Christmas day...I found a place to order the black dickies...I figure I can get the white shoes at a Tux shop...but I don't know where or how I'm going to get the light blue polyester pants and I'm having no luck yet getting the white v-neck sweaters, even Land's End doesn't have that kind of a sweater, so you can see, I need your help...if you know where I can get the pants and the sweaters, please let me know...

REPLY: How would I know where to buy sweaters like the ones Randy Quaid wore in a Christmas movie from 1990? Actually, I do know. But I won't tell you unless you send me a moose mug. I love those things.

Kevin writes: I was reading your review for Basket Case, and I noticed two things were, well, wrong. For one, in the tenth paragraph, you refer to Duane as 'Kevin,'
and for another, in the 'dead body rape' scene pics, you clearly TRIED to cover up the nipples, but missed by about a mile. My question is, HOW THE HELL TO MISS WHERE THE NIPPLES ARE???? Not that I mind, I've seen worse... but, still, it woke me up a little. Now, you're probably not going to fix it, so why did I write to you? Because I want to spam your mail box. Good day.

REPLY: Whoops. I'm pretty sure that's the only nipple shot on X-E, if you discount Hulk Hogan. I'm not sure how I missed them. Maybe it was subconsciously intentional. Porn sells. Even if half the mating party is a puppet of a disfigured Siamese twin. Somebody's gotta have that fetish.

Dan writes: I liked you're summing up on the Daphne Zuniga science fiction monster follow up to THE FLY. My question is: If you've done you're own review of the sequel, then are you making a review of the Goldblum film?

REPLY: I really love both Fly movies - I chose the second for a review because I assumed more people haven't seen it and would thus be a little curious. The difference between the two is that the sequel was an entertaining bad movie, while the first was an entertaining good movie. I own both, so I could review The Fly at any time. I'm sure I will one day, but that's the kind of movie I really want to be on my game for if I'm writing about it. I'd hate to do a shitty review on such a modern horror classic. Everything I'm saying here is bullshit, of course. I just don't want to watch Jeff Goldblum vomit on a Twinkie ever again. (read the Fly II review here.

Naomi writes: I have been an avid fan of X-E for 3 months now; it has rekindled long forgotten memories about aspects of my childhood, plus it is the most interesting site I have ever seen. Keep up the great work and thank you for bringing a humorous, interesting, and all around wonderful site to the net. I have a question for you regarding a television show that originated in the mid 80s amongst the Nintendo hullabaloo. I can vaguely remember the credits. It is a young boy playing his Nintendo when something happens that causes him to go into the "Nintendo" world. I remember the episodes revolved around certain set Nintendo characters with others from the other games having guest appearances. The part I remember most was the huge talking
gameboy that accompanied the main character through his exploits. I know you must get a barrage of emails of day, but if there is any chance you can clear this up I'd appreciate it.

REPLY: Finally, an easy one. That'd be Captain N: The Game Master. Characters from a lot of games appeared - Kid Icarus, Punch-Out, Metroid, you name it. Here, check this article out - it's got Captain N teaming up with Link and Zelda - click here.

Steph writes: I didn't think your comic was too bad. I'd say you could do worse. But then I'm pretty biased towards anything involving the Silver Surfer.

REPLY: I told you guys not to challenge me - I can surely do worse.


See?

Tricia writes: I just had to mail, I saw an advert for NADS on a shopping channel - yes u got it I have no life - I missed the telephone number so went on the net to see if I could find it. Your page made me pee myself laughing - BUT does it work?

REPLY: Making people urinate is definitely the opus. As for your question - I didn't like wax myself or anything, but I'd have to say that this is a pretty poor product. PPP, for short. You'd essentially be doing the same thing if you rid yourself of hair by applying strips of electrical tape to your legs and ripping the strips off as hard as you can. Nads does have an advantage though - you can't eat electrical tape.

More later!

Posted by Matt on 11/15/2002. E-mail me!



Discussion Thread: 96 comments

I know the last thing you need is another movie recomendation, but do you think sometime you could write a review of Killer Klowns From Outer Space? It’s kind of hard to get a hold of. I looked for it on amazon.com and for reasons I’ll probably never understand, they only sell the Spanish version. It’s worth tracking down, though, if only for the. . .interesting. . .theme song by some Orange County punk band called The Dickies. Oh, and of course "the big clown" at the end (wait, maybe I’m giving away too much).

Chestnuts roasted by Josh Wells @ 11/15/2002 12:17 PM


Killer Klowns is hard to find of video, yeah, but the DVD is apparently a lot easier to find.

I really want to see Matt review No Holds Barred, or even Over the Top. It’s a film about armwrestling that even had arm wrestling action figures for it.

So think, they made a 2 hour movie about ARM WRESTLING. Then they thought kids would love to play with toys that did nothing but arm wrestle.

Then again, toy execs thought sending He-Man to space was a good idea too

Chestnuts roasted by Casey Jones @ 11/15/2002 12:49 PM


I just bought No Holds Barred, should be here in a few weeks. I’m really looking forward to reviewing it – probably moreso than any movie since Worst Witch or the Corey Haim Diary.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/15/2002 1:02 PM


I remember The Worst Witch in Grade 5, and how the one with the pink hair looked like my Grade 5 teacher. I made a point to inform everyone in the class of the resemblence. Good times.

Chestnuts roasted by AL @ 11/15/2002 1:46 PM


This doesn’t have much to do with anything, but I think a few good reviews/articles would be Madd Matt celebrates Thanksgiving and/or Christmas. For some reason I liked the Madd Matt articles a lot. Another good videogame review would be Battletoads. I don’t know if anyone out there ever played the game for nintendo, but I fondly remember spending more time beating up my friend that beating up the enemies. Well, just some idea’s for the future.

Chestnuts roasted by Tim @ 11/15/2002 2:01 PM


Since everyone is throwing movies out there, what about "Heavyweights"? It’s a PG rated Disney movie about kids at a fat camp. It’s really poorly acted and marginally better than Nickalodeon’s "Salute your Shorts" – Except for Ben Stiller, who’s absolutely insane.

I don’t know anyone else whose seen it, but I loved it because I just don’t understand – Is this an intentionally bad movie? Was Ben Stiller "’blue screen’ed in" post-production to at least make it watchable? Could a movie that makes fun of fat kids ever be bad?

Chestnuts roasted by Patrick Waddell @ 11/15/2002 2:16 PM


Tim – you might be onto something with the Madd Matt Thanksgiving article. I had fun doing them, but by the third one I felt like the joke ran it’s course. Then again that never stopped me before. I’m sure he’ll be back long before next Halloween. Especially because I bought him makeup from the post-Halloween closeout sales.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/15/2002 2:19 PM


Hmmm… mention of "Salute Your Shorts" brings back memories of "The Adventures of Pete & Pete". Anyone else watch that show, back in the day? I think it was more early 90′s than 80′s, but man, was it hilarious. Surreality just got funky, as they say.

And secondly, Matt, it’s great that "Dark Crystal" finally got a review and all… but how on earth have you not yet gotten around to reviewing the OTHER fantasy/Muppet movie from the 80′s, "Labyrinth"?! Come on, man- David Bowie stealing babies, juggling crystal balls, and launching musical numbers with a gaggle of Jim Henson creations. I mean, I liked DC and all, but good God, "Labyrinth" has DAVID BOWIE as the Goblin King; that alone makes it the superior movie. Is there any hope for a review of this fine cinematic experience?

-D

Chestnuts roasted by The Lucky One @ 11/15/2002 3:45 PM


"The Adventures of Pete & Pete" and "Salute Your Shorts". The mention of those shows brings back memories. Strange memories, but good ones at the same time. Nick used to have the best shows in the early ’90s, and now they all suck. But what can you do?

Anyway, I don’t know why but I used to love watching "The Worst Witch" (the movie, not the TV show which I’ve thankfully never seen) whenever the Disney Channel would show it sometime around Halloween. I guess it had something to do with how completely cheesy (in the good way) it was. It might also have had something to do with Tim Curry in his very own, very horrible-looking music video. But what can I say? I was younger and a whole hell of a lot more easily amused back then. Those were the days…

By the way, I love the site. And I’d love to see the return of Madd Matt, too. =)

Chestnuts roasted by Jessica @ 11/15/2002 7:48 PM


That monster in your cartoon (…which yes, is far worse than your last one. Well done.) reminds me of the monsters* from that old laser-tag-ish show where you had to shoot your tv screen with a laser gun. What was that called, why haven’t you reviewed it yet, and didn’t you like how I segued that?

*monsters = guys in bad monster suits

Chestnuts roasted by aaron @ 11/15/2002 9:22 PM


DAMN!!! There were Over the Top toys? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Funny this comes up today because I was quoting this movie at work yesterday.. "this hat is like a switch"

*chuckles*

Chestnuts roasted by ravencha @ 11/15/2002 10:37 PM


Hey Aaron, that Laser Tag-ish show you’re thinking of is Captain Power. It pitted Captain Jonathan Power and the Soldiers of the Future against Lord Dread and the Biodread Empire. I think the idea was to use the toys based on the show to shoot at holographic areas on the monsters in the T.V. show itself. Thus, you scored "points" or something. The whole thing was a sort of T.V. show/videogame/ action figure mutation that didn’t really catch on. You could still find the toys on sale as closeout items at outlet stores years after the show had been canceled. But, interestingly, Lord Dread seems to have exerted a strong influence on the appearance of the Borg in Star Trek: The Next Generation. Was that the geekiest observation you’ve ever heard or what?

Chestnuts roasted by Josh Wells @ 11/15/2002 11:21 PM


I searched the archives and I asume Matt will be re-reviewing the Fly episode. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself Matt it was hilarious, still I’m looking for ward to the new review.

What made me laugh in the original review was that the Turtles needed to find an antidote. One of my stongest memories of the Turtles was that they ALWAYS seemed to need an antidote for something. Or did I just see this epiode a bunch of times?

Chestnuts roasted by asruidet @ 11/15/2002 11:42 PM


Anybody else notice the Hulk Prototype has 2 right feet and its ribcage can pivot independantly from its waist? OK, I have waaaay too much spare time.
BTW any more Turtle Eps up for review Matt? We hardly got any here in the UK (hell we hardly got any of the Transformers Cartoons either, yet the toys still sell well – weird), and it’s just fun to read your take on Cartoons.

Chestnuts roasted by Rob Wilson @ 11/16/2002 2:09 AM


hooray! matts finally gonna review ho holds barred.

you just know hogans immortal line of "GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WHAT’s THAT SMELL?! is gonna be up for download.

‘tastic!

Chestnuts roasted by tin man "whats that smell?" @ 11/16/2002 3:52 AM


Wow, memory overload. I loved Pete & Pete and Salute Your Shorts…even the Pinsky episodes. I remember the capture the flag ep with Donkeylips as always being my favorite…maybe it was because Budnick was pelted with water balloons I secretly wished were bullets…eh, we’ll never know.

I also remember the Pete & Pete where the older Pete falls in love with the lead singer of Luscious Jackson. Anybody? This DID happen right? It’s not the fumes…I hope…

Chestnuts roasted by Nemesis @ 11/16/2002 10:10 AM


Over here in MA we have a tv channel called Noggin and it plays old episodes of Pete and Pete, Clarissa Explians it All, Ghost Writer, and even Degrassi Junior High(Anyone else remember this show?). On a different note, if you are going to do the No Holds Barred review Matt, you HAVE to review Santa With Muscles and/or Mr. Nanny.

Chestnuts roasted by Mog @ 11/16/2002 12:13 PM


Oh man. Pete and Pete. The only thing I remember from that show is that the younger Pete had his own personal super hero. The guy was retarded or something. That was a wierd show.

Chestnuts roasted by Speedy Service @ 11/16/2002 12:22 PM


Electrical tape does not stick to skin or hair. Electrical tape comes off nicely when pulled. Electrical tape never made me scream so much I was afraid the neighbors would call the police.

Chestnuts roasted by Eve @ 11/16/2002 2:25 PM


pete’s superhero was ARTIE! the strongest man… in the world. what a great show. and as far as i know, the only thing elecrical tape sticks to is… electrical tape.

Chestnuts roasted by mike @ 11/16/2002 4:00 PM


If you think you can stomach a movie worse than any you’ve reviewed here, check out Human Highway if you can find it. If you’re a fan of Neil Young or Devo, however, you might find it to be one of the best movies you’ve ever reviewed.

"How many ropes must a poor monkey climb before he can sleep in his home? The answer, my friend, is breaking the wind– the answer is coming out your ass!" -Booji Boy from Human Highway’s opening scene.
First words of the movie? "Y’want a weenie roast? We got one hear."

Chestnuts roasted by Jensen Bohren @ 11/16/2002 5:57 PM


Hey Everybody! Remember My Secret Identity? This was another great late (or should that be late great, nevermind) eighties show. It starred Jerry O’Connell, best remembered as Vern, the fat kid from Stand By Me. However, he had trimmed down quite a bit by the time this show started and looked completely different. Anyway, the plot revolved around the misadventures of a teenage kid who accidently acquired super powers thanks to his mad-scientist next-door neighbor. He called himself "Ultraman," a name he shared with a far less entertaining superhero.

Chestnuts roasted by Snake Plissken @ 11/16/2002 6:32 PM


Pete and Pete is currently on the Noggin; however, Degrassi Junior High is not. Instead there is the new Degrassi, with stupid characters with no semblence to the classic characters of yesteryear (though Spike’s daughter was supposed to be on it or something if I recall… Spike was such a slut). Damn, Degrassi High was a great show (Junior High and Street of were ok too). Dwayne got AIDs from busting up the condom machine and eating the pizza … classic moment… and the rest, Wheels and BLT and Snake… the whole crew.
Little Pete Wrigley’s superhero was Artie, the Strongest Man… In The World. He was played by Toby Huss for a couple of seasons until the Farewell My Little Viking (1 and 2) in which Dad convinced Artie that Pete didn’t need him and Pete that Artie had left him. Sad, sad episode. However, the show continued and continued to feature such characters as Mr. Slurm, Bus Driver Stu Benedict, Endless Mike, Paper Cut (during the Artie days), Pitstain, Joyce Wrigley, Mr. Tastee, Captain Scrummy, Don Wrigley, Petunia, Ellen Hickle, Nona F. Mecklenberg, and everybody’s favorite charcter, Clark the Turtle (from the Rangeboy episode).
The episode with Luscious Jackson was Dance Fever, it did occur, in season 3.
Salute Your Shorts was another classic. Boddy Buttnik, Telly Redford, Z.Z. Ziff, Edward "Donkeylips" C. Gelfen, Dr. Kahn, Kevin "Ug" Lee, Ronnie Pinsky (Micheal Stein was better), Sponge Harris, and Dina Alexander. The best episode was the one with Zeke the Plummer. I wish Zeke would have kilt that Buttnik character and Pinsky even though he didn’t get there ’til season two. The Jamie Mallet, Jr., episode sucked a lot too.
I shouldn’t know this shit about stupid shit like this, ya know? Whatever. Degrassi was good, as was Pete and Pete and Salute Your Shorts. Right up there with them was You Can’t Say That On Television, the show that was Canadian and had Alanis Morrisette on it. Remember it? If you said "I don’t know", you got "slimed". They had the same 4 sketches every show, like the firing squad thing were the guy would stand in front of the kid and yell, well, "FIRE!". That was classic too. Nickolodeon had some good shit. Too bad it sucks weiners now. Too bad indeed.


-emj.
aim: g2adotorg

Chestnuts roasted by eatmorejesus @ 11/16/2002 7:17 PM


Matt – I just bought a movie at a flea market that I think you’d love. And by love I mean hate. But we all know how things work around here. It’s called "Pulsebeat." It must have been made to cash in on the mid-80s workout craze. The acting is terrible, every 5 minutes there’s a workout sequence, bad 80s music abounds, softcore every so often, blah, blah, blah. Best $5 I ever spent. You’d love it.

Chestnuts roasted by Kyle @ 11/16/2002 9:28 PM


Well obviously the TMNT post isn’t up yet, but will be tomorrow. :) Had an unexpectedly busy weekend. Great comments guys, nice to see everyone participating. If I sound cheesy it’s because I’m currently affixing Christmas lights to every square inch of the apartment and I feel like a stubblier Martha Stewart.

Also on deck for next week – a first-hand review of the Odyssey 500 Video Game System, which I just picked up in the box almost totally unused for three bucks, hooray.

Chestnuts roasted by Matt @ 11/16/2002 11:00 PM


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