However, if it’s from the sea, then chances are that the Japanese have eaten it somehow.

The creamed, or crushed pears were good, I more or less drank them while carrying an M-16 with my off hand.

You can also make things called MRE bombs, which are made by putting the crushed insta-heating bits of an MRE into a coke-bottle or something similar and adding some water. At least, that’s close to the way I remember making ‘em. They explode loudly but do no real damage. But it’s incredible fun to do for no real reason other than you’ve got a spare MRE heater.

I’ve also eaten K-, or was it C-rations. Basically really old food from before MREs were invented, which my dad, being an army reservist, had down in the basement. It was actually pretty damn good, aside from the chocolate bar, which was scary.

On another note, it really does look like cat food. A lot. Wet cat food is so nasty. There’s nothing like opening a can of wet cat food to make me quesy. I swear, where do you get all this crap?

Also, I actually remember that GI Joe vehicle. That, Trypticon, some video games, and Voltron are pretty much the only stuff I remember from the 80′s.

Wow. This message was a deffinite ramble.

Now, this is strictly from memory, but this is what you’d be likely to find in a pack:

Every pack of MREs come in the "surprise package" format of thermo-sealed brown bags. Although each said the name of what was inside, it was NEVER quite what you expected.

A packet of meat-like substance that looked very similar to the Hello-Kitty thing. Depending on what you got, some of these weren’t too bad (most of the less-sauced poultry dishes were edible, but stay away from any of the beef ones). However, you can only eat something that looked like cat food so many times before the leg of the guy you were sitting next to started looking appetizing. Remember, this comes from someone who wasn’t actually IN the military, so could have actually gone to get something else to eat… there must be something in the freeze-drying process that makes your friend’s leg look that much more like leg of lamb.

A "side" dish. These ranged from good (applesauce) to ludicrous (mashed potatoes with gravy — as appealing as it sounds). Then, there were the strange ones… like candy and "chocolate bars" (think a brick, with a little less flavor, but colored to look like a piece of especially dark crap).

Then came the staple of any good MRE — the crackers and the topping for the crackers. The crackers generally had a stale taste to them, but when topped with the jam, peanut butter, or chez (think cheese-whiz in a squeeze tube), they were pretty good. Of course, this is relative to eating the rest of the stuff in the MRE, so it’s kind of like saying that getting a papercut is good compared to being castrated by a dull pair of scissors… we’re talking scale, here.

Next, you’d get a dessert, which was generally some sort of cookie, or maybe apples or some other fruit (always vacuum-sealed with some sort of sauce). Oddly enough, these were pretty good. The cookies tended to be a little tough, but all in all, you didn’t really hate eating them, and I’d rank them a little above the crackers.

A powdered beverage. This and the one I’m saving for last were the real reason I think the name "Meals Ready to Eat (MRE)" is kind of misleading. You got a packet of powder, which was generally hot chocolate, but unless you REALLY like eating chocolate powder straight, you were pretty much stuck if you didn’t have a canteen handy. Plus, mixing this with beer DOESN’T TASTE GOOD… just thought you’d like to know. All in all, this was pretty standard fare — they probably just got Swiss Miss or something and put it in the packets.

Next thing you got was a little bottle of hot sauce. And I mean LITTLE. But these were cool because they’re only about 3/4 – 1 inch tall, and when you have a dozen lined up on your desk, you’re thought of as pretty damn cool from that point forward. Either that, or people like you because you’ve got the fake ID. Either way, pretty snazzy. It’s kind of like getting a good toy in a Happy Meal — if the food in the Happy Meal tasted like crap. Oh, wait, it’s EXACTLY like getting a good toy in a Happy Meal.

Finally, you get the accessory pack. This included a set of waterproof napkins, a "pack" of toilet paper (it was literally enough to wipe maybe half a butt cheek — and it was single-ply. Cheap Bastards). It also included tea and/or instant coffee (same principal as the "beverage packet"), salt, sugar, and my personal favorite, a pack of the smallest chicklets (gum for the uneducated or uncaring) known to man.

And that there was the MRE. The most fun you could have for $5. I seriously recommend you buy one to do an article on.

But wait, as an extra special feature, the scariest thing to find when you opened your MRE:

THE HAMBURGER HOCKEYPUCK OF DOOM!!!

You knew you were screwed when you open your packet and you see the circular bumpy outline of a hamburger in the vacuum-sealed pouch. Because these things are hamburgers only in the loosest sense of the word. First off, they’re dehydrated… meaning that unless you like your meat EXTREMELY dry, you’re going to need to boil them, kind of killing the whole "Ready to Eat" concept. Now, imagine if you will taking one of those styrofoam-tasting rice cakes, coloring it an off-gray color, and boiling it. That is what you ended up with to eat as your main course. A mushy grey rice cake. It was at least as nasty as it sounds. The good news is that these things flew well — so a game of hallway frisbee was always guaranteed whenever you got one of these (replacing the tabasco sauce as my favorite MRE toy). The other good news is that since they knew they pretty-well screwed you with the hamburger, the meals with this thing always included the best sides… so you weren’t entirely out of luck.