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New Article Up: In 1982, deep in the midst of Marvel Comics' legendary Secret Wars series, there was one crossover issue that missed the attention of most.  Today, the Marvel Secret Wars are brought back to life by this review of the rare 'Sticker Adventures' activity book, featuring stickers of Iron Man's leg and Doctor Octopus' general groin area.  Click here.

The Transformers: Scorponok article is also up, complete with a magical egg for you to find.  It's not tough.  After locating it, there's probably a 50% chance that you'll want to turn your speakers off first.  Not sure what's coming up next, but I've got some things on deck.  I just watched Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas, but I'm not sure it had enough it it to get a full post on.  He did sing a modified version of The Twelve Days of Christmas that included a reference to 'six-armed dolls.'  Other than that, it was pretty boring.  Except for the part where Brain almost choked Dr. Claw's cat to death with a coat hanger.  Be back tomorrow…

While I don't miss the X-E Quickies section terribly much, it did give me the chance to do articles on some topics I'd never get away with as regular main page features.  Above all else, I shed a tear for the X-E Cryptozoo.  I've always been obsessed with this mysterious group of animals who, to date, don't officially exist.  While entries like the sasquatch and the Loch Ness Monster have attained much fame over the decades, the study of cryptozoology extends far past things you've seen blurbs about on Unsolved Mysteries.  The creatures you'll find lumped into this category are varied and numerous, and in the far corners of this strange and wacky zoo, you might notice a pile of blubbery gel flopping around in the corner.  That pile of crap just might be a globster.

What's a globster?  You never know!  In a literal sense, they're gooey masses of flesh that occasionally - actually, rarely - wash ashore.  Either because of decay or because of scavengers, they're sometimes very difficult to identify.  And, in some cases, a globster is shaped so strangely that no normal explanation seems correct.  Several have surfaced with appendages or tentacles that look completely unlike those of any known animal, while others have a 'skin' that can't be attributed to something already on record.

Most often, globsters are found to be either the remains of a whale which had previously been brutalized, or in rarer cases, a squid or an octopus.  While many would like to believe that the remains belong to the fabled giant squid, the truth is that it'd be extremely rare and almost impossible for giant squid remains to wash ashore on their own.  Squids in of themselves are typically a deep-sea creature, but the giant ones would likely be so far from the shore, it'd take a miracle for one of their dead to casually glide across the sea without being eaten before making it to the sand.

But maybe, just maybe, globsters are something more.  In some cases, scientists have been unable to identify the remains.  And when you're looking at a carcass full of strange arms and puffy skin, the mind can certainly wander.  While they don't always lead to proof of legendary sea monsters, globster remains can provide evidence to support other natural wonders: one was found to be the remains of a giant octopus, a creature whose existence was previously debated.

The best finds are usually found in the open seas, with sailors coming across dead animals they can't identify stringing along for over 50-60 feet.  So yeah, it's possible that something otherworldly lurks in the depths.  But until the globster learns how to talk, breathe air, and gets the 'I WANNA BE A STAR' complex, we may never know.  Personally, I think it's a government conspiracy.  They keep trying to create a race of really large slugs, but whenever they finish one, they get grossed out and kill it and throw it out in the middle of the ocean.  I hate the government.  Big slugs could've changed the world.

Previous Cryptozoology Articles: The Yeti — The Giant Squid.

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving.  My entire family is getting together, and we all pitch in by bringing one entree.  I've got to make the stuffed mushrooms this year.  I'm toying with the idea of filling one - but just one - of the mushrooms with some kind of intensely strong rat poison or just a smidgen of cyanide, and watching the day unfold as a special holiday Russian Roulette celebration.  Or I could just poison everybody, and after they find out, I can tell one of my sisters 'What did you expect?!  You bought me a Glenn Danzig tape when I was in the seventh grade!' 

Speaking of toyed-with ideas, I had considered going into the city to watch the big setup for tomorrow's Macy's Parade.  Then I remembered that the novelty of giant balloons lasts only a few minutes, and then you've got an entire day ahead of you filled with cold weather, tourists, Al Roker, and for some reason, neon dragonflies that chew gum.  So I guess Thanksgiving will be pretty boring this year.  You know, as opposed to the high levels of excitement Thanksgiving's provided in years past.  It's usually so wild, so wooly, so wacky.  A little over two years ago today, I did an article about Thanksgiving.  Sort of.  It's got pictures of those balloons, and something about Mean Gene Okerlund dancing.  Click here to read it!

New article going up later today, about Scorponok: the second largest Transformers figure ever.  Woo.  Oow.  Owo.  I've got another article that I like a whole lot better in preparation, but that one'll take a little longer.  Don't miss the new Brady Christmas article, up now.  Have fun stormin' the castle.  I'll try stopping by later to answer some reader mail.  If I don't, it means a bear ate me.

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New article up!  Ever wonder what went on inside the twisted mind of Little Mac from Mike Tyson's Punch-Out?  Well, a short time back, I had the chance to buy his diary.  After picking up a new scanner today, I'm sharing it for the whole world to see.  You don't want to miss this one.  Especially if you really wanted to see Little Mac doodle Bald Bull's head and play Tic-Tac-Toe with himself.  Go, go check it out!  Click here!

I had to help the old ladies again tonight with their Christmas shit.  On the plus side, I picked up some more of those pricey vintage X-Mas bubble lights, so not only did I do a good deed, but I'll make a hundred bucks on eBay for something I paid a buck for.  I picked up a lot of other crap too, so expect a full report as soon as I go pick up some new batteries for my stupid camera.

Jesus Christ I'm beat.  I hate long weeks.  Actually, the week hasn't been so much long as it's been, well, odd.  For instance, I spent most of the night doing volunteer work for this Alzheimer's Foundation thrift shop that needed to set things up for Christmas.  I basically did it because I'm constantly buying crap from this place and have gotten to know the women who work there well enough to where I wouldn't want to see them break their hips trying to carry huge plastic reindeer up three flights of stairs.  Additionally, I get first crack at the good stuff.  You'd be surprised at how much vintage ornaments go for, and wow do they ever have a lot of 'em.

Thing was, I 'signed up' under the assumption that I'd be doing this by myself - which would be my preference.  The last thing I want while trying to move 100 boxes are the obstacles of other old ladies asking me if I need a soda.  What I found today was even worse - apparently, the foundation is connected with some other foundation who send bad kids there when they need to fulfill community service obligations.  So instead of just doing my thing, I had to work with a thirteen-year-old mother and an eleven-year-old who seemed to think he was Scarface.  It was TERRIBLE.  The kids were actually fairly nice, but I didn't think I'd have to spend the evening engaging in forced conversation with people who got caught robbing candy or raping birds or something.  I ended up leaving early, but not before telling the lead old lady that I'd be happy to come back on a day where I wouldn't have to babysit juvenile delinquents, or get yelled at by janitors who didn't like the way I was throwing out cardboard.  To be completely honest, the only reason I was so up for doing this was because I noticed that old strands of bubbling X-Mas lights go for hundreds.  I didn't find any of those yet, but I did come home with a complete NES with six or seven boxed games.  So while I had a miserable time, at least I've got the original Legend of Zelda with the stupid fold-out maps.

Back tomorrow with a full report.  Hopefully with another new article, too.  I'm pretty sick of just reviewing shit at the moment, so I'm searching around for a topic that doesn't call for me to do a play-by-play.  Maybe I'll write an article about eating Play Doh.  We'll see.