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Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade: 1991!
The 1991 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade was pretty boring, but it did feature appearances from Captain Planet, Donatello and Wednesday Addams. Kelsey Grammer, too. Can't forget Kelsey. Ain't right to be like that. (11/21/07) |
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Waxing About Wish Books: Vol. 1985!
The Sears Wish Book and other catalogs helped make the holiday season the most special thing in the world. Here's a look back at a 1985 edition, featuring six toys I had and six toys I would've killed your damned mother for. (11/13/07) |
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X-E's Summer Vacation, 1992.
I found a collage detailing everything that was special about my 1992 summer vacation, and now, fifteen years later, it's time to see how termite invasions and pro-wrestling hotlines hold up. (7/25/07) |
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Ninja Turtles: The Official Magazine!
In 1990, literary enthusiasts from all around the world could skip the skimpy rags in favor of something cowabungalicious: Teeange Mutant Ninja Turtles Magazine, filled with pictures of cartoon characters skateboarding. (7/08/07) |
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X-E Visits A Real, Live KWIK-E-MART!
Eleven 7-Eleven stores have transformed into Kwik-E-Marts in honor of The Simpsons Movie. I was lucky enough to live near one. This is my story. My story of Squishees, Buzz Cola and driving at extremely high speeds. (7/02/07) |
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Pokémon: The Very First Episode!
Reliving the glories of the very first episode of the Pokémon cartoon series, where Ash met Pikachu and both were nearly killed by a horde of angry birds. Also includes a photo of Ash's Poliwag themed pencil sharpener! (6/30/07) |
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Five Random '80s Toys Revealed!
Nasta Reactors! Legions of Power! Masters of the Universe Meteorbs! Computer Warriors! Rubber worms, too! Five obscure lines for the price of one pop-up ad and crummy black text on a blazing yellow background! (6/15/07) |
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X-Entertainment Goes On A Cruise!
It hasn't really been four months since I last posted an article. Actually, what happened is, I wrote tons of articles, but I only secret linked them. Now you have to try to find them! Best of luck. (6/12/07) |
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12 Awesome McDonald's Placemats!
It's the history of McDonald's, as told by one dozen tray covers promoting various contests, Happy Meals and lost foods from the fast food giants. Everything from the McDLT to frosted Batman Forever mugs. (2/19/07) |
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Eleven Discontinued Sodas Revisited!
A look back at eleven soft drinks that didn't make the grade. From Crystal Pepsi to Pepsi Blue to Strawberry Burst Pepsi..wait, there sure is a lot of Pepsi in here. But there's some Coke, too. And Orbitz! (2/4/07) |
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Oatmeal Swirlers, Give It A Swirl!
A tiny-sized tribute to a very big idea, "Oatmeal Swirlers" to oatmeal to the extreme with packets of fruity slimy goo that let us spell words in it. It was so much fun! Weird formatted & short article includes commercial download. (12/11/06) |
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Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade: 1993!
A look back at one the more sour years for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, where rogue winds ripped half of the balloons to shreds, and where Willard Scott kissed Katie Couric 3,000 times. Two pages, with videos. (11/23/06) |
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X-E's 2006 Halloween Countdown!
Venture into the deepest, darkest corners of the site, where you'll find the dozens of articles I wrote, all in tribute to Halloween, 2006. Everything from candy to costumes to He-Man figures to cartoon specials. Massive & Macabre! (10/31/06) |
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The 1991 Horror Hall of Fame Awards!
A special television awards show hosted by Robert Englund, meant to pay tribute to horror films and associated icons. Mostly, though, it was an excuse to see "Monster Mash" performed live with Beetlejuice as a backup dancer. (9/04/06) |
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It's The Freddy Krueger Board Game!
Freddy Krueger was everywhere in his heyday, even board games. In "The Freddy Game," players grow annoyed with shitty rules and drawn out processes, sticking around only to discover the fateful truth: "Who is Freddy?" (7/30/06) |
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Sectaurs kick it old school in The Hyve.
Twice as big as Castle Grayskull and with more ways to kill an action figure than a G.I. Joe weapons pack, it's THE HYVE -- the ultimate playset of the 80's. Hunted by insectoids and filled with ancient secrets, I love The Hyve. (7/23/06) |
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As Seen On TV! Awful Awesome Ads!
Four of the greatest stupid television commercials ever, and they all want you to buy something. From leather jackets from outer space to collectible coins in the distant future, it's fat jeans and miracle time pieces for all! Reviews, with downloads. (5/28/06) |
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Best "Amazing Stories" Episode Ever.
Amazing Stories was a great TV show, but some of its episodes were miles ahead of the rest. The best example? Go To The Head Of The Class, a tale starring Christopher Lloyd as a psychotic school teacher who, uh, loses his head. (5/14/06) |
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I Love The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
The ultimate tribute to the best marshmallow monster ever. Beginning with 1984's Ghostbusters and living on through video games, toys and cartoon, I now propose marriage to Mr. Stay Puft and promise him that I'm good in bed. (4/30/06) |
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The Tiny-Sized Atlantic City Adventure.
More fun with X-E and Atlantic City. This time, we wander into the many fine boardwalk gift shops to collect Pokemon Pasta, stupid postcards and coin counters. We'll play Tournament Arkanoid too, because we be chill like that. (4/23/06) |
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Meet Dr. Sbaitso, from Creative Labs.
Either Dr. Sbaitso was a computer game from 1992, or Dr. Sbaitso was my best friend and psychiatrist in 1992. Maybe both. Please enter your name now. Just don't curse at him, because he'll parity error your ass into sweet oblivion. (4/10/06) |
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Kong-Tastic Hostess Banana Twinkies!
To celebrate the arrival of King Kong on DVD, the studio and Hostess have teamed up to bring us King Kong's very own banana creme Twinkies! Golden gorilla spongecakes! OOH AH! (4/2/06) |
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X-E's Cellular Phone Picture Gallery.
X-Entertainment's tribute to Livejournals everywhere. An article painfully detailing each of the 5,000 years-old pictures on my cell phone's camera, covering everything from Mr. Peanut to deceased fish to Halloween candy. Hrm. (4/2/06) |
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'80s Commercials, Volume QR9-7765.
A dozen new/old '80s commercials join X-E's collection, reviewed and made downloadable. See how the McD.L.T. keeps the cool side cool, how kids transform into Autobots by way of underwear, and how reggae fruit met Snap and Crackle! (3/17/06) |
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Shamrock Shakes, From McDonald's.
With a fuzzy stomach and a fedora, Uncle O'Grimacey ushers in the very-celebrated, always elusive "Shamrock Shake," available for a limeyted timey at McDonald's. The most beautiful green that you've ever seen! (3/12/06) |
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I'm going to review Kamala's website.
Kamala, The Ugandan Giant. A professional wrestler with stars painted on his belly. He carries a spear and needs a handler so he won't eat people. Now he has a website. And it is beautiful. (3/7/06) |
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Ninja Turtles: Snacks From The Sewer!
From Pizza Crunchabungas to gum-eyed Popsicles, it's a gigantic tribute to the most edible aspects of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle history! Plus, learn how to make your own retromutagen ooze drink! (1/22/06) |
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X-Entertainment's Freezer, Revealed.
X-Entertainment cleans its freezer and finds years worth of ridiculous frozen food based on every stupid movie, cartoon and beloved children's character in recent memory. Anyone want cubes of squid meat? (2/12/06) |
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Five Children's Books Ya Need To Read.
Get literary with X-E in this breathtaking review of five different children's books, covering everything from the Berenstain Bears to God to the Jolly Green Giant to Dinosaurs. (1/4/06) |
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Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade: 1989!
A two-page mega-review of the 1989 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, hosted by Willard Scott and ALF, with appearances by NKOTB, Spider-Man, the Joker and Melba Freakin' Moore. With muchos video clips and artichokes. (11/23/05) |
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The 2005 Jones Soda Holiday Pack!
It's baaaack. Jones Soda brings back the season's newest tradition with the 2005 Holiday Pack, featuring five gross beverages flavored like everything from Brussels sprout to turkey stuffing. Witness the taste test! (11/06/05) |
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The 2005 X-E Halloween Countdown!
It's the Halloween season again! Time for another X-Entertainment Halloween Countdown! While I'm taking from how until November "off" from the "real article" department, check back every weekday for new spooky features! (9/9/2005 - 10/31/2005) |
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We Love Friday the 13th: Part 2!
A fantastically idiotic film, where audiences met Jason Voorhees for the first time, where mummified heads played a big part, and where people got naked for no reason at all. Here's the ten best things about about it! (8/14/05) |
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Board Games and Pens Have Children!
Eight different "Games In Pens" -- classic board games and much-loved toys, miniaturized and attached to ballpoints pens! Everything from Pop-O-Matic Trouble pens to Play-Doh Fun Factory pens, here for your drooling pleasure. (8/07/05) |
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Castle Dracula, Wildwood, New Jersey.
I pay tribute to the once-great "Castle Dracula" ride on the boardwalk in Wildwood, New Jersey -- a place of memories, excitement and creepy red windows that freaked me the fuck out. I loved this place a whole lot. (7/24/05) |
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Mildly Interesting '80s Print Ads!
Over a dozen of the '80s greatest magazine ads, pulls from all kinds of children's mags. Everything from WWF Ice Cream Bars to Photon, Battle Beasts and more! And Fun Fruits! And a friggin' Chester Cheetah fold-out poster! (7/10/05) |
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Bored In Atlantic City!
Bored and alone in an Atlantic City hotel room, I cautiously venture into the strange, strange world of "LodgeNet" -- a television interface that lets one watch hit movies, porn, play videos games or tell the hotel staff they suck. (7/04/05) |
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Garfield Candy! Garfield Junk Food!
We're. Ready. To. Party! Check out nine different very old Garfield-related food items, ranging from fruit snacks to cat treats, macaroni & cheese and beyond. All proceeds go to the Nationwide Lyman Search Initiative. (6/05/05) |
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X-E's Very First Horror Convention!
We bought Freddy Krueger a drink. We made Pamela Voorhees sign a picture of her decapitated prop head. We had a blast. Witness everything that goes down at a horror convention in this two-page special feature! (5/30/05) |
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Purplesaurus Rex Kool-Aid Tribute!
It's what many believe to be the greatest Kool-Aid flavor EVER! In this ultimate tribute to Purplesaurus Rex, you'll find everything from a taste test to a comic book to, I dunno, crabs. Drink the purple drink and be merry. (5/14/05) |
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The "Darth Dew" 7-Eleven Slurpee!
In this quick X-E blog exclusive, we pay tribute to 7-11's greatest concession: A Slurpee based on Darth Vader. It's "Darth Dew," and it's a'comin' for yew. Drink the grape stuff and save the Vader topper for your trophy cabinet. (5/15/05) |
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The "Gizmos & Gadgets" Gift Shop!
You've seen the House, now meet the Store. Safely tucked away in the middle of absolutely nowhere, the "Gizmos & Gadgets" gift shop delivers everything from discontinued sunflower seeds to Dinosaurs Attack! trading cards. (5/1/05) |
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X-Entertainment Goes Upstate!
A tribute to my friend's creepy old house in the middle of the backwoods, plagued by ghosts, filled with beer and stuffed with horror movies. One of my favorite places on the planet. With a lot of dead bugs. (4/24/05) |
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Ten Smurfalicious Things, Reviewed!
Sometimes, you just need to look at a bunch of Smurfy things. Satiate your inner Smurf with this Smurfalicious look at everything from Smurfberry Crunch cereal to Smurfs stickers that smell like peanut butter. (4/10/05) |
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Midnight Madness Star Wars Event!
At Toys 'R' Us in Times Square, the grandest of all "Midnight Madness" Star Wars toy events took place. See everything you missed in this four-page report, starring everyone from Boba Fett to Darth Tater to giant M&M's dressed up as Jedi. (4/03/05) |
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Sharkleberry Fin Kool-Aid Tribute!
It's the ultimate tribute to Sharkleberry Fin Kool-Aid! Taste tests! Comic books! Commercials! Pink sharks in sunglasses! Sharkleberry Fin is back, and he's pinker thanever! Come one, come all! Let's celebrate! (3/27/05) |
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X-Entertainment's Sticker Collection.
An amazing collection of stickers from the `80s is salvaged from the inferno, featuring everything from puffy stickers to scratch n' sniff stickers to stickers that make you say "oooh." Eighteen pages of adhesive retro madness, all yours! (3/25/05) |
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Everyone Loves THING FEET.
Last year, it was all about Electronic Hulk Hands. This year, it's all about Electronic Thing Feet. Noticing any trends here? Take a gander at the best justification for the new Fantastic Four movie: THING FEET, the toy of tomorrow! (3/20/05) |
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'80s Commercials, Volume Something!
Ten new old commercials reviewed, with downloads! You'll see everything from Ms. Pac-Man to Q*Bert, Mr. T, Skeletor -- even one of my very favorite toys ever, "A Bad Case Of Worms." With special bonus section about Freezy Freakies! (3/06/05) |
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The Smorgasbord of Star Wars Crap!
Thirty different Star Wars-related household items, reviewed! Arriving to our blessed stores from 1980-1983, it's a big huge pile of combs, wallets, keychains, night lights, crayon sharpeners, erasers and birthday cake candles! (2/18/05) |
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X-E Presents... Four Cool Dolls!
That's right -- four cool dolls! A mashed up mixed sideways review of some of the coolest, oddest dolls of the past thousand years: V: The Enemy Visitor, Archie Bunker's Grandson, Talking Steve Urkel, and the ovable Couch Potato. (2/06/05) |
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Milton Bradley's Fireball Island!
Milton Bradley's Fireball Island debuted in 1986 and remains what it quite possibly the coolest board game ever made. Four explorers hunt the jungle for a big red lost jewel, while fireballs and pissed off jungle idols wait with evil intent. (1/26/05) |
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The Pranks & Gags Extravaganza!
A treasure chest of old school pranks and novelties unearthed! Fake puke, squirt gum, bugs in ice cubes -- all of your favorites! Sixteen different ways to make the world double over in roaring laughter meet their destiny on my dumb website. (1/17/05) |
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The Ultimate Tribute To C-3P0's Cereal!
Revamping an older features, here's another look at C-3P0's Cereal -- A New Force At Breakfast! Article contains everything you could ever want to know about double crunching, breakfast, and R2-D2. Includes box scans! (1/16/05) |
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The Adventures of Q*Bert!
The Adventures of Q*Bert, an illustrated storybook from 1983 starring the orange guy, his two green friends, their three purple enemies, and a huge mountain of color-changing bricks. You know you're curious, bub. (1/02/04) |
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The 1987 Macy's T-Giving Parade!
A study of the 1987 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, with tons of pics and video clips. Marvel at the Marvel Comics float, cheer for the California Raisins, sing along with Clifton Davis and brace yourselves for Baby F'n Shamu. (11/24/04) |
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The Jones Soda Holiday Pack!
The Jones Soda Holiday Pack, limited to a run of 15,000, boasts cola flavors such as "Turkey & Gravy," "Green Bean Casserole" and "Mashed Potato & Butter." Watch X-E and friends taste test the torment, only surviving by summoning the spirit of Christmas. (11/14/04) |
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Machines That Cook S'Mores For You.
Because S'Mores are so difficult to cook, several companies have unleashed official S'Mores machines. This article pits two against each other in a battle to the death for chocolate cookie supremacy -- one's for kids, the other is for really old people. (9/06/04) |
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X-E's Vending Machines Spectacular!
It's finally time to arm ourselves with quarters for another trip through the seedy underbelly of fabulous bubblegum and cheap plastic toys. Everything from little canisters of slime to "The Chicken Machine." (8/28/04) |
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Stupid Italian Thumb Wrestling.
Italian Thumb Wrestling finally breaks borders to show the rest of the world why the little ol' boot loves it so much. Join in and witness the most epic championship bout ever, as Proud Pixie battles Death Metal Maniac in a war where the only weapons are THUMBS. (8/23/04) |
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V: The Mini-Series Megareview.
It's about damn time. Relive the landmark made-for-television movie that likened space aliens to Nazis and featured hot evil chicks downing big guinea pigs in a single gulp. V still stands tall as one of sci-fi's best even twenty years later. Two page review with video clips. (8/14/04) |
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Meet The Treehouse Trolls!
X-E's latest candidate for worst movie ever, "The Treehouse Trolls" was a direct-to-video flick from 1992 starring a bunch of fucking frightening Norfin Trolls, with big bushy hair and faces capable of making any six-year-old's heart stop. Watch them sing songs about stickball, fly through space in a schoolbus, and bump asses. Wow. (7/25/04) |
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Nintendo's GBA SP Classic, Mang.
The retro craze hits its peak with Nintendo's GBA SP Classic -- a Game Boy modeled after the old NES controllers, complete with a classic library of games running the gamut from "Excitebike" to "Super Mario Bros." to "Ice Climber." Is it worth the money? Depends on how much you have to blow, but I think it is. Plus, Yaz. (7/12/04) |
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Commercials of the 1980s!
Yes, more 80s commercials! Another ten await you in this batch, covering everything the Real Ghostbusters to Fruit Pebbles, Colgate Junior, Burger King, and the Mickey Mouse Playhouse. You will love and share. Most importantly of all, this batch includes an old WWF commercial where Roddy Piper goes batshit crazy trying to get viewers to tune in. (7/11/04) |
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Commercials of the 1980s!
It's the return of the 80s commercials! Another ten up for grabs in this batch, running the gamut from a Honeycomb ad starring Andre the Giant to the McDonald's McRib. There's even one where those old Fun Fruits trees scream at dinosaurs. (7/05/04) |
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X-E's Fireworks Extravaganza!
It's the 4th of July, and it means only two things: alcohol and fireworks. Here's a look at the latter; a collection of fairly shitty explosives, the kind that could only be lifted in a city where fireworks are, doh, illegal. Smoke Bombs and Cobra Snakes galore! (7/02/04) |
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Welcome to the Casino Arcade!
It's another two-page X-E summer super special! This time, we head down to Point Pleasant, NJ, for an exhaustive study of the infamous casino arcade. Play video games, claw your way to stuffed animals, and win all sorts of plastic fingertraps just by plopping eighty bucks into an eighty-year-old slot machine. Huge feature! (7/01/04) |
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Toddler Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Just out of the gate and already ranked among my favorite toys ever, Playmates' new "Toddler Turtles" take the teenage outta the Ninja Turtles. They're small, they're cute, and all four of 'em cost the same as one of the larger figures. And they have turtle baby fat! The package says! (6/28/04) |
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Super Mario Bros. -- The Movie!
It's not as bad as you've heard, really. Okay, maybe it is. Super Mario hits the big screen, in live action, and manages to lose just about every trait that made him famous on his adventures through a parallel universe inhabited by dinosaurs that look like normal people. By the way: 40 million dollar budget. Let's hear it for bad ideas. (6/22/04) |
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Return of the Jell-O Pudding Pops.
A short article to celebrate a huge event, here's my tribute to the resurgent Jell-O Pudding Pop, a long-lost treasure in vanilla, chocolate and the almighty chocolate/vanilla swirl. Once heralded by Bill Cosby, the frozen treats have long been pined for. Your prayers have been answers. The pops...are back. (6/18/04) |
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Friday the 13th: Part IV, Reviewed.
I've fallen in love with this movie. "The Final Chapter" debuted in 1984 and was anything but that, only paving the way for 80 more sequels. It's easily in the top three Jason flicks, and it might just be my favorite. Check out the ten best moments from a true slashin' classic. Bonus: animated picture of Crispin Glover going insane. (6/17/04) |
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X-Entertainment Visits the Carnival!
Oh boy. Drink lemonade, eat some cotton candy and a gyro, and get ready for two pages worth of the most insane carnival my hometown has ever seen. The World's Smallest Woman? Yep, she's there. Many X-E firsts are present in this two-page spectacular, so be prepared. This one's a doozy. (6/14/04) |
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The Children's Book Block Party.
Three book reviews rolled into one article. Inspire yourself with a look at a Full House activity book; "There's a Monster at the End of this Book" starring Grover; and finally, one of those cheapo dinosaur books everyone who ever went to an elementary school book fair picked up for the free sheet of stickers. Enjoy. (6/07/04) |
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The Incredible Crash Dummies!
I'm back, and I brought my pals Vince and Larry, collectively known as the "Crash Test Dummies." Revisit their history, from macabre car safety spokesdummies to cartoony video game characters to buckling up and buckling down and buckling buckling, all around. Special bonus: big intro having nothing to do with Dummies and everything to do with Sectaurs. (6/02/04) |
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Never Too Much Shrek Crap!
Shrek 2 just broke 50,000 box office records, but the film's most impressive victories have been far away from movie theaters. In the final installment of Shrek Crap, the celebrity ogre is immortalized with his own Operation board game, a weird Play-Doh kit, and some gnarly musical hands. Huh? (5/24/04) |
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Ninja Turtles Pudding Pies!
The quest to locate Hostess' Ninja Turtle Pudding Pies begins now! This introduction to what will surely be a ten year expedition to the far reaches of the planet includes scans of the fabled pastry's wrappers, the cards that came with it, and a really neat spinning-eye Krang logo. (5/20/04) |
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X-E Goes Miniature Golfing.
Share in my adventures as we visit the "Safari Amusement Park," home of one of the strangest miniature golf courses on the planet. If you're a fan of broken down animal statues covered in piss, it's definitely the place to be. If you're not...oh well, they still sell Flintstones Push-Pops there. (5/18/04) |
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Comic Book Ads of the 1980s!
X-E glues its ass to its roots with a look back at some of the comic book ads that helped make me me. Most of these are pretty tame, but they're all a big part of my memories and there's even a picture of Spider-Man wearing a backpack he got for free from a cheese company. (5/06/04) |
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Ralphie Goes To Hell.
Milk Balls always save the day. Ralphie from A Christmas Story loses a patented Flickbet and packs his bags for a neverending stay in Motel Hell. Pinhead and his faithful Cenobites threaten to mutilate their catch, but will Ralphie's quick wit and secret decoder save his life? Come on, guess. (5/04/04) |
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Tamagotchi Video Adventures!
Tamagotchi may have been a flash in the pan, but the flash lasted long enough for the shitting creatures to land their own cartoon special. Tamagotchi Video Adventures is forty minutes worth of bad acid, but at least we'll learn how to draw the one who looks like Bill Clinton when we're through. (4/26/04) |
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The Potato Head Kids Cartoon!
Yup, more potatoes. This time, Mr. Potato Head's 800 children star in their own animated series, featuring hip dolphins, bad catch-phrases, shoddy art and a scene where a bunch of talking potatoes play volleyball. "The Potato Head Kids" will make you hungry for guess what. (4/22/04) |
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Y0, from 1 fry 2 anotha.
Jim McCain Smiley thinks he has it all. He's the new fry in town, and things are looking up. A darker future, as foretold by "Funky Fries" throwback Kool Blue, changes one sack of potatoes' optimism into an admirable tale about being a realist. Join, join and learn. (4/20/04) |
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Commercials of the 1980s!
Blowing a wad and clearing out the warehouse with ten different 80's commercial reviews, with downloads for each. Wuzzles! Knight Rider! Hulk Hogan! Mike Tyson! Mike Tyson? Yes, Mike Tyson. It's all here, swear to God. (4/16/04) |
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Jaws: The Nintendo Game.
I had seriously considered writing this entire article in piratespeak, but I wasn't feeling annoying enough. Instead, here's a tribute to a pretty awful game that's still worth a look because it's got Jaws in it. Yep, your favorite celebrity shark, in his very own Nintendo game. (4/13/04) |
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The Marshmallow Peeps Maker!
Just in time for Easter, it's the Peeps Marshmallow Maker! People have been eating the candy for six hundred years, always wondering what went into its amazing creation. Now, not only can we learn the process -- we can do it ourselves! What fun! What marshmallowy fun! (4/10/04) |
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Munchie Strikes Back Movie Review.
Howard Heeseman voices "Munchie," the lovable space alien who grants kids' wishes and causes havoc for stereotypical movie villains. Watch in awe as Munchie morphs into a limo driver, aids winning baseball pitches, and generally just appear really ugly. Review, with clips. (4/07/04) |
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The Worst Game Room Ever!
Found within the dregs of Atlantic City, here's my tribute to the worst game room on the planet. Broken video games, horrible stains, mysterious tables and buffalo wing Hell await all brave enough to witness such villainy. (4/05/04) |
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TMNT: Krang's Android Body.
One of the best TMNT toys ever, Krang's Android Body let kids reenact that classic cartoon scene where Shredder glovelessly tucked a talking brain into a giant bald robot wearing red panties. Bonus feature: the Krang Jell-O mold! (3/29/04) |
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