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October 25, 2005:
You guys love your Peeps. A sad but true fact is that the Marshmallow Peeps-related articles on X-E have received just as much feedback as anything else, with countless readers (okay, six readers) writing in to ask if they're still making "Cocoa Cats" or if Peeps are high in polymonosat fats or something. I dunno, but you definitely love your Peeps.
And the peeple behind Peeps have clearly sensed a much older age demographic becoming impossibly interested in their product, because they're outright catering to us, now. Oh sure, they might pretend that all of these upstart holiday edition Marshmallow Peeps are like Trix cereal in their for-kidness, but there's no way kids can account for that many varieties of the one and only Peep. Nuh uh. They're for office eating, for dorm room snacking and for me to fill little chocolate dollhouses with. Agree or disagree, but there's no denying that Peeps absolutely own the holidays -- every last one of them, and Halloween ain't no exception. We've seen plenty of spooky Peeps during the course of X-E, and of course, the bad boys of the marshlands have totally struck again with totally new Halloween Peeps for 2005. And this time, you can fucking paint them.
It's the new Marshmallow Peeps Decorating Kit, though it's not so much new as it is "new for Halloween." There's been other DIY Peeps kits in previous times, but they were crafted for shit like Easter -- boring holidays that nobody appreciates beyond eating a lot and not having to take the proverbial mornin' train. Now that they've made a Peeps Decorating Kit for Halloween, they're on the top of the mountain. No place to go but down. Soon they'll slip off the Q radar and get all scandalous-on-purpose. Lousy Peeps.
But this kit! It's wonderful! I really didn't think much of it at first. It was just a case of "oh look new Peeps yay I can write about them." Not until I sat down with the digital camera string wrapped around my gigantic chack did I realize what an absolute thrill ride it is to, as they say, paint a Peep. The package suggests "decorating one for spooky fun," and I can't tell you how much I love it when the rhymes these companies come up with actually hold some semblance of truth. Painting Peeps was spooky fun. And now I will show you why.
Arriving with a black vial of official Cake Mate™ squirty icing stuff, you're free to turn candy into canvas and make with your inner Michaelangelo. It works pretty well, too -- the icing doesn't drip or smudge much, and assuming you can find inspiration within a pumpkin-shaped Marshmallow Peep, you're going to be so awesome at this. While the set only includes black icing, you're of course free to introduce a pantry's share of other colors, or if you're bolder than the tiger who raised you as its own, you can even add some sprinkles. Not sure if little hard crunches are the best compliment to soft chewy Peeps, but whatever Hannibal's last line was in Hannibal really applies here.
When you're done, you're invariably going to have some cake icing left. The only way to get through all of the sticky black stuff is by trying to costume each of the four included Peeps as hairy gorillas to be seen from both the front and back. If that's your goal, you're stupid, because the best part of waking up is holding the vial of Cake Mate™ surplus icing above your open mouth and squirting that shit till there ain't no more shit to squirt. Hemingway had absinthe, Van Gogh had body modification. You've got extra cake icing. By this comparison, you have no excuse to be anything but the greatest artist in recorded history.
I only spent a few minutes on the Peeps shown above, and for my honey, they're not all that bad. Imagine what you could do with some real time and effort. Now, I know what you're thinking. They look great, but can a Peep smothered with messy cake icing actually taste good? It sure can. They taste very good, especially if the icing's somewhat chilled. The Marshmallow Peeps Decorating Kit has taken the world one step closer to its very first Peeps Cake, and this Halloween version has taken us one step closer to Hell. All told, you're closer to the two things you love most. Psychopath.
In what has me considering coining the phrase "bonusly bitching" right here and now, the kits are actually quite cheap -- two bucks a pop, and that's sure to be slashed in half once Halloween passes and all the stores try to get dump them in a panic. I don't recommend waiting, though. Nobody likes looking at pumpkins in November. :(
- Matt (10/25/05)
Marshmallow Peeps Mania!
The Marshmallow Peeps Maker! -- Peeps Cocoa Bats!
2004 Halloween Peeps! -- 2003 Christmas Peeps!
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