[an error occurred while processing this directive] Al Bundy Claims Victory By A Landslide.....Or Does He? [an error occurred while processing this directive] [an error occurred while processing this directive] 05/25/00 [an error occurred while processing this directive] The third X-Entertainment.Com poll has come to it's end. There was just no contest here, folks. We asked you who the coolest tv dad of all time was, and your unanimous voice opted with the man himself...Al Bundy.

Al tore everyone else to pieces, accumulating 589 votes and a whopping 66% of the final tally. Many of you were insulted that I even insinuated someone like Phil Drummond could compete with the god himself.

I've gotta agree with you. This wasn't a competition...this was downright slaughter. Let's face it, Al could say 'toilet' and half the nation would roll around their floors like they were on laughing gas for 15 minutes straight. The amount of amazing things Al Bundy accomplished in his seemingly endless stint on Married With Children could fill 8 novels and a little notebook.

Despite seeing sex with his wife as his own private hell, Al was a man's man. Everything he said was absolutely poetic in it's simplicity. I've garned a few examples of Al's genius below, which will help the non-believers understand just why so many people worship him like the second coming...

Al argues with Peg... Click Here!

Al lying about being from the supermarket agency... Click Here!

Old lady thoughts... Click Here!

Your winner, and champion: Al Bundy.

Al wasn't in the race alone. There were four other tv dads who made the cut and got into the poll...none of them came close to Al, but one dad did have a respectable showing...

Cliff Huxtable! Bill Cosby's undying charm brought him the silver medal, with 17% of the final tally. (160 votes) Truth be told, I was really pulling for this guy. I'm sorry...I just really like Jell-O.

The Cosby Show somehow managed to be one of my parents' favorite shows while I was growing up. I know Cliff's kids better than my own siblings. My neighbor across the street is, quite alarmingly, the white version of Theo. I'm dead serious...this kid is Theo. They're both dumb and everyone seems to make a big deal if they manage to graduate in school, or even tie their shoes without having an anyeurism.

Getting back on track, the silver medal ain't bad, and if Bill couldn't grab the gold, he certainly deserved at least this much.

When we asked Bill for a comment, he had this to say: 'You've got the Al Bundyzzzz and the uh Phil Drummonnnnnza...anda...you've got the Cliff Huxxxxxtables...and then you've got uh...quite a poll goinnnnnngza.' He declined further comment.

Alan Thicke's highly disregarded performance as Jason Seaver on Growing Pains somehow landed him third place: the bronze medal. Jason got 72 votes, closing with 8% of the final tally by the skin of his teeth.

Now, no offense to Growing Pains fans, but I could never understand Alan Thicke's continued pseudo-success. If you saw that guy walking on one side of the street...you'd definitely walk on the other side. His biggest redeeming quality was his ability to overlook the insane homosexual overtones of both his sons.

What's even more astounding is that Growing Pains was a successful show for so long. Imagine this: I come on here to X-E everyday, and post the same message with the same jokes for the next ten years. If I did that, I'd be duplicating Growing Pains to a tee. Resident writer (and pretty fucking spooky guy) Liquorhead thought the wife was pretty fuckable, but I'm gonna have to disagree. Joanna Kerns or however the fuck it's spelled look like the kinda woman you gave money to for bridge tolls, and that's it.

Bottom line, Alan may have received the bronze, but in my view, he still sucks. It's a tainted victory.

Next in line was Phil Drummond, who doesn't get a medal...but also doesn't have the shame of landing in last place. Portrayed by the wonderous Conrad Bain, Phil promoted racial equality for years on the hit sitcom, Diff'rent Strokes.

I was a little surprised at his poor showing, and I attribute that to the fact that none of you knew the poor guy's name. Who the hell called him 'Phil Drummond' anyway? The closest we ever got was a 'Mr. Drummond' from Dudley, and even that was rare.

As only our message board frequenters know, Phil was a big part of the only post in X-E's storied five-hour history that I ever deemed 'too risque' to go up on the main board. It dealt with Gary Coleman getting molested by everything in site. To see the post you're not meant to see, click here.

And in last place...Ward Cleaver. Nuff said. That's the last time I go to the cemetary to get advice on who should run in our polls.

And that was our poll. Your winner: Al Bundy. But not quite!

Many of you in our now-infamous poll comments called foul over me not including Homer Simpson. And you're damn right. I purposely left out Homer, knowing full well there would be a landslide. But since Al won by such an enormous margin, I think Homer may have a little competition.

So now it's time, once and for all, to establish the true coolest tv dad of all time...


It's our latest poll, available on the X-E main page! Cast your votes! [an error occurred while processing this directive]